Asher (Completed)

I can't Lose You

ALISTAIR’S POV

It had been five days since the dinner fiasco and just like I had been worried about on that night, things had gotten worse. 

The next day after the dinner, TMZ, Entertainment Weekly and even E news had gone live about the story of

“how the aunt of young art phenomenon Asher Maxwell’s ex girlfriend “Raine” who had been hinted about in a sneak preview of his soon to be released book memoir, claims that the young artist had carelessly and heartlessly dumped her niece, who suffered from bipolar disorder and depression”. 

The story went further to detail how Asher had known about Raine’s disorder and diagnosis, had known she had been having a bad depressive episode and had still been insensitive of both that and her feelings, simply because he wanted an out , to be free to pursue his current art travelling career with known art investor and philanthropist Ian Smith. 

Then more according to the stories released Asher’s insensitivity that night was further backed up by his mother’s callousness, who had told Raine when she had called searching for some light and support in a particularly dark place, that she was holding Asher back and that is life would be much better if she had just disappeared from it and let him be free to pursue his dreams without constantly worrying over her. 

The stories then basically took the same pattern of stating “that’s what she did”, which was apparently quoted verbatim from the source, for what I assumed was a more dramatic effect to the story for them; before explaining that according to the source on that same night due to Asher’s carelessness and insensitivity , and his mother’s absolute callousness, Raine decided to take her life, by driving into a lake and drowning herself. 

I sighed, as I thought about it all over again. Raine had drowned herself in the lake of the waterfall she had discovered and quickly made a spot for her, Ash and sometimes me. 

She’d driven her car out there to think and clear her mind, and that call to Ash’s house, answered by his mother, was the last one she ever made. It was so hard to think about, but the truth was Raine had killed herself after that call, so yes Asher’s mum did have a huge hand in what happened that night, that part was true. 

Whenever I clearly remember this, clearly remember Ash’s face when his mum had told him what she had said to her, clearly remember Ash’s completely broken expression when he’d pulled Raine’s cold, lifeless body from the car and the lake; I understand more than ever why he could not forgive her. 

Yet the part about Ash breaking up with Raine was not true, neither was the part about him being insensitive to her feelings or careless about the weight of his actions on her mental health; 

I will admit that day was a bad one for everyone, Ian had called the house that evening and his mum had found out about the offer, and then she’d gotten into it with Asher, who had not offered an immediate yes to the deal, saying she knew Raine was the reason he hadn’t said yes yet;

said he was making the same mistake she did with his dad, giving up opportunities and dreams for a relationship that wouldn’t last, said he needed to stop putting his life on hold for her and start prioritizing himself.

That he should look at things realistically and realize Raine wasn’t even mentally or emotionally stable enough to handle a more serious relationship, so the chance of this being more than a highschool thing were not great and it would not even be good for him. 

Yeah that part particularly set him off; 

Then just like the world was just out to get him, Ash had stayed over at Raine’s the day before, he had a particular file he carried around, filled with drawings, papers and all sorts too personal for him to share. 

I remember he’d told me that while he was still thinking over the offer, a few days later Ian had sent him an email of a makeshift contract detailing all the information and benefits of the deal he’d offered; Ian had felt maybe seeing things in black and white would help persuade him more. 

Ash had printed out the contract, because he prefered hardcopies and honestly he couldn’t deny being interested, he was an artist who had never left his home, and now someone was willing to pay him to do exactly that, to travel around the world and produce art pieces from how the places and countries inspired him. I understood. 

He  kept the contract close to him in the file that contained things too personal, he was working on a drawing in the file, he took the file when he’d slept over at Raine’s house.

Ash had been working more at the bookstore, he had an early shift that day, he was late, he forgot to take out the file from the overnight bag he brought into his work bag. 

One thing led to another, Raine had gotten a hold of the file, she had gotten curious and she found the contract. 

It would have been almost funny, if finding that contract didn’t feed into her darkest thoughts and fears, if it wasn’t the match that lit the flame, if it didn’t lead to the biggest argument they ever had, an argument that led to Asher saying all the wrong things and storming out and Raine taking it all the wrong ways. 

Every time I thought of that night during the three years we were apart, of Asher just crying, while telling me everything, saying it was all his fault; 

It made me feel like taking that deal and leaving after Raine’s funeral was actually a good decision, even when I was upset at him for ignoring me, I still felt it was the best for him, because that would put him in new places and with new people, where he can just heal, let go of that grief and guilt where he wouldn’t be constantly reminded of it. 

That was until he’d come back to me heavier with the grief, pain and guilt than when he had first left, that was until I learned how winter had broken him with her words. 

She had already broken him but she still wasn’t satisfied, she just refused for him to heal, as if his constant suffering and pain truly made her feel better. I began to wonder more and more how Raine had ever loved her. 

Thanks to her the internet was currently debating if Ash truly had a fault in the way Raine had died, a good amount seemed to blame him immediately, while others admitted this looked bad but were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, waiting on his statement or the book for his side. 

Either way, she’d achieved what she wanted, he was still considered as either having a potential or true fault in Raine committing suicide and a lot of people had clamped onto her words and jumped onto the bandwagon of hate.

Ian had called the day it happened, apologizing for everything and saying there would be no confirmation of the story, and Mark, the agent could release a statement outright denying it but it would be much better if Ash had posted a video doing so himself, but Ash seemed to not care about much, he’d simply said no to both options. 

I was worried about him; we had barely spoken since the dinner and since that night he had started staying in the guest room again. She said something to him, it was obvious that she did. 

When we got home that night, I had given him an ice bag for his cheek and asked him what she said but he only told me about how she planned to go to the media about the “true” story of Raine’s death before he got the chance to manipulate it in his book. 

I’d asked him what else she had said but he’d simply avoided the question and said he was tired, I chose to let it be in that moment and said it was fine we could go up to our room, he could continue to ice his cheek there; that’s when he told me he just needed to be alone for a while and so he’d be sleeping in the guest room and the way he said it let me know he had his mind made up.

Ever since then he’d been cooped up in that guest room, and the only time I ever got to see him was at breakfast or when he’d come down to pick up a package he’d ordered from amazon, something he’d been doing a lot more of recently. 

He’d just been down an hour ago to pick up another one delivered this morning, I had been tempted to see what it was he had been ordering but I knew better than that.

What worried me even more were the deep bags under his eyes, I had wondered how he had been dealing with his nightmares alone, especially since he’d also not asked for any new songs but the bags making a constant appearance on his face informed me he was dealing with them by not sleeping. 

It certainly didn’t help that whenever I asked how he was doing or how he was sleeping during breakfast, he just mumbled back a half assed “I’m fine” response, before scarfing through breakfast and returning to coop up in the guest room which was now almost constantly locked; 

I truly didn’t know what to do, I got so frustrated at times I just wanted to yell at him to stop locking me out, mentally and literally; but I knew yelling would do no good right now; 

I wasn’t even sure he’d respond to me if I yelled, from the way he’d been acting, he would most probably just walk away and continue saying absolutely nothing.

Well, at least he was eating.

I shook my head at my pathetic attempt to hold on to the light in this situation; there was no light; 

I was so close to crying right here in the living room because, just thinking about everything, I could feel in my heart and mind right now, what I also felt whenever I saw Ash these days

I was losing him. 

I was losing him and it scared me.
 


ASHER’S POV


I had spent that night after the dinner thinking over what Winter had said, 

What could I do to make her forgive me,