Shawmila Imagines

I'm Sorry...

TW: Suicidal ideation, suicide

Shawn sits on his bed debating whether or not to send Camila the song.  On one hand it could lead to a relationship, or it could end the friendship. He thinks through each scenario. 

Scenario 1, A relationship:

Shawn sends Camila the song, she loves it and knows it's about her(shocker!). He asks her out, and they live happily ever after. 

Scenario 2, A Fight +  A Relationship:

Shawn sends Camila the song, she knows it's about her(shocker!). Shawn sits nervously awaiting her reply. He paces his apartment awaiting her response. 2 hours later his phone buzzes and he runs to pick it up. It is a text from Camila saying call me. 

He immediately calls her it rings twice before Camila picks up. "Shawn... is that about me" Shawn takes a deep breath and then says "Yes, I'm sorry, you probably never liked me that way and I read everything wrong, and I have probably ruined everything" "Shawn, I have liked you since we did the song but I just got a boyfriend. I'm not leaving him." "Oh." "Yeah" "It's okay I can get over it, the song wasn't good any way" "What.. no...I want to be with you but also Matthew, I'm not exclusive yet, could we maybe go on a date to try it out?". 

Shawn sighs and says "Mila, I can't be your side fling it's not healthy for me. It's all or nothing" "Fine, I'll tell Matthew that he and I are done..." "really" "yeah"

Scenario 3, the end of a friendship(***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************tw********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************):

Shawn sits on his patio. He sends the song to Camila and waits when she doesn't respond after 4 hours he gets worried. He sends a text saying "what did you think of the song?" but it bounced back. 

Shawn immediately gets concerned and goes to instagram to check if she responded there. He finds her profile but he doesn't see any information. He checks twitter and it tells him that he was blocked.

He falls into his bed and cries. All he can think is "I should have never sent the song to her, maybe if I didn't my best friend wouldn't hate me". Over the next few hours every few minutes he checks to see if she has unblocked him.

He texts Sinu to help and she responds saying "Camila told me to say stop trying she needs to think. I think she is overreacting but she said it could be a few years before she feels comfortable talking again, I think she is overreacting because only 4 months ago she had more feelings for you than she has for her boyfriend and ever could. If you ever need anything I am still available. You know that right?" Shawn gulps and says "Yes mama, I know" After talking for a few more minutes Shawn says bye and hangs up. 

He lays down on the bathroom floor just to feel something. All he can feel is numbness. 

He wanders through life for the next few months not having inspiration to do anything, he couldn't find the inspiration to write anything. After the first month he stopped calling Sinu. He only talked to his family a few times a month, Brian moved out and into his new girlfriends apartment in New York. He knew he should feel alone, but he didn't feel anything. 

He looks out at the sun setting over the Toronto Skyline. It used to bring him so much joy  but now looking out at the city led him on a spiral thinking that anyone he passed on the street hated him because if the person he thought was his best friend could up and leave him so quickly and block him, who knows what everyone lese thought about him. 

He sits on the bathroom floor with everything in front of him. he schedules a post to go out 12 hours later. he calculated the exact amount that he needs to take and then has alcohol to make sure to really works. 

He listens to Camila's music one last time and then passes out. 

12 hours later Sinu gets a notification from Instagram that Shawn  posted. She bursts into tears as soon as she sees what it says. Camila rushes over to her mother and starts reading. She runs up the stairs to Shawn's apartment, she was already on her way up she was going to see if they could make amends. She unlocks his door and runs in looking for him. 

She runs around the apartment looking for him. she runs into his room and cant find him so she walks to the bathroom and finds him on the floor and checks for a pulse. She feels a light pulse and he is breathing ever so slightly. She dials 911 and turns Shawn onto his side to make sure he wont choke on puke that could come up.

Ambulances showed up and Camila goes with Shawn in the ambulance while Sinu calls Shawn's family. 

When Sinu and Shawn's family gets to the hospital they find Camila sitting in the waiting room waiting.

They all sit hugging each other for a few hours when the doctor comes out. ll of them immediately go over to him and they say " He is alive, and stable, he clearly did his research however the one thing he did not figure out was the possibility of you Camila, he assumed you wouldn't be close enough, you being there saved his life. We recommend time in our hospital until he is not a danger to himself, he agreed however he wished to see Camila before he goes."

Camila follows the doctor to the room Shawn is in. He is attached to the bed with restraints when he hears the door open he looks up to see Camila. He has so much sadness and uncertainty in his eyes when he looks at her, almost as if he believes that she will disappear if he looks away. 

She runs to his side. She says "I was on my way to talk to you... I was in the car with Mama outside of your apartment debating whether or not to go on when Mama saw your post. I ran in and found you..." Shawn looks at her and she sees how much he is going through in his brain. she asks one question "Why?" "Everyone was gone, You, Brian, even my family. If the people I cared about the most could leave so easily I figured I should too. After you left I never felt anything other than pain, I wanted to feel something."

Camila gives him a hug and says "if you want to see me once you get better I will be there no matter what. I promise I won't leave your side unless you dont want me there" Shawn smiles at her and says "Thanks Camila, can I ask one thing of you, delete the post I made. Have Andrew put out a statement saying that I am alive and getting help." "Of Course" "I'll see you Camila"

(might make a part 2 to this part)

What is he never sent her the song to tell her...

well that's real life...

AN: I hope you guys enjoyed it, or at least liked it. dont forget to comment and vote!