Convenient Misunderstandings. (boyxboy)

27) Fear of the unknown.

 APOV

I was scared. I was so scared when I heard those words. When I saw Devin looking at me with his serious face, and timidly speak. I knew what he was about to tell me. I knew it wasn’t a dream. I knew it, I just knew it. But I didn’t believe until the very end.

I didn’t want to believe in it.

You know how there’s this thing going on around the internet, or at least it used to go around. It’s called “The Secret”. You know, a friend watches it, gets all inspired and hyped and sends the link to you, in hopes of sharing the emotions and the knowledge he got from the video? Yeah, I’m talking about that one. Actually, it’s not a video. It’s a movie. And I suppose it’s illegally spread around YouTube and, like, other media-sharing websites which I don’t know about. Before YouTube, we had tons of sites like that. After YouTube came along, it stole the spotlight and all of those useful little websites died. Like the way Myspace got as unpopulated as the Arctic Pole, after Facebook came in.

I closed my eyes, feeling hot tears run down my cheeks as I ran through the snowy field. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t have anywhere to go. Perhaps a hotel would suffice for a day or two, a week a most; but then what? And I can’t possibly call my mom, either. What am I going to tell her? Mom, I dated my roommate and he cheated on me with his ex-boyfriend? Oh, and by the way, I’m kind of gay. Just don’t tell my dad. Yeah, shiт doesn’t work like that. It never does. Unless your parents are super understanding and humane, which is something I personally haven’t seen in a while. Parents nowadays tend to be assholes. My personal opinion. Not just Aabel’s. My opinion, as an author.

So, as I was saying. You know that movie, “The Secret”? If you haven’t, might as well check it out. I personally didn’t learn much from it, but I can’t help it. I’m a bit of an a$$hole myself. I don’t really believe in those things. Or at least, I didn’t believe in them until I met Devin. After I met him, I became a bit more hopeful. My point of view became brighter, and I saw the world through pink goggles. Yeah, love … tends to do that, I suppose.

But the thing about love is, that it often makes you fly so high; when you fall down, you hit yourself bad, and the ground is hard and cold. We usually survive that sort of impact. We’re human, we do that. We wreck ourselves, then we whine about it, then we do it all over again.

But for me, this is the end. I won’t do it anymore.

I cried out, unable to keep quiet. I saw, through the blurry snow in front of me, a lone street. A potential shelter. For now, at least. I can’t show up like this in a hotel – sobbing and sniffling. What would everyone think of me?

Not that I usually care about that.

Ah, anyway. So, in this film, they basically tell you how, backed with a physical law about gravity, your thoughts can change the course of destiny and make it all better. Or worse. If, for instance, you’re worried about your application for a job, worrying too much will result in your job application being declined. And vice versa – believing you’ll get accepted, will, if not diminish the probability of being declined, at least raise the probability of being accepted. And hell, I have to admit, I didn’t really believe in it before. I thought it was too easy. Too good to be true. And it’s not really a secret, either. I’ve heard people before, saying how worrying about it will lead to a bad outcome, and that one must always stay positive if one wants thinks to get better.

I didn’t understand it. How can thoughts change the future? I always wondered that. I imagined people using their telekinesis to move objects and like, bend time or something, to change the outcome of a certain situation. But I was young. I was dumb.