Convenient Misunderstandings. (boyxboy)

28) The /in/convenience.

APOV

“What … do you mean by that?” I asked, uncertain whether I actually wanted to know what was going on. At times like these, one would prefer a lie, than be told the most painful truth.

Devin dryly gulped as he looked at me with the most guilt-filled eyes I’ve ever seen. He was either trying to lessen my anger or guilt-trip me. Either way, it wasn’t working very well.

“You’re not trying to say that Devious doesn’t exist, are you?” I asked again, seeing how Devin could only look at me with sad eyes and not say a thing.

“N-No, of course he exists. He’s … me. The same way you were Snowy to me.” He softly spoke, with a voice too shaky to be any louder.

I didn’t know how to understand this. I sat on my bed and sighed, trying to think this through. So, Devin lied to me all this time about his true identity? Even befriending and making me jealous … but why? What was his plan, why would he even …

Before I could ask, Devin timidly sat next to me. I looked at him for a moment, inspecting his face and body. He looked at me, and smiled.

And I grabbed his throat and pushed him on the mattress.

His eyes widened in horror as he whimpered, grabbing my hand in hopes of pushing it away. Alas, I wasn’t his ex boyfriend. I couldn’t strangle him. My grip relaxed, only to move to his shirt. Devin gagged and coughed in front of me, trying to breathe. Those small, all-knowing lips of his were dry and pale, and trembling as the man did his best not to cry.

Too bad his eyes let him down.

“Y-You’re insane, Aabel, you’re fuскing insane …” He coughed, his eyes watered. I looked away, feeling guilt for being so mean to him, but it was a natural reaction to what he had said. Right?

“I am. Insanely mad right now, yeah. Insanely in love with you. And if you don’t justify yourself, I’ll be insanely hating you for a long time.” I hissed.

Devin looked at me, terrified and shook his head. It was the first time I had seen him so scared of me, and I must admit that it felt horrible. I don’t want him to be scared, I want him to love me. But now I was … a bit disgusted from his love.

“I-I swear, I only found out sooner, and I have been trying to tell you from the moment I confirmed it.” He whimpered, still holding my hands and caressing them.

“When did you find out? Did you know it was me when I first contacted you?”

“No, I didn’t. And stupidly enough, I be..began falling in love with you. Then this kid showed up in my class, a transfer student. I swear to God I hated him so fuскing much, and I would chat with Snowy all the time, because he was fun and –“

“BUT IT WAS THE SAME PERSON, HOW CAN YOU HATE ME AND LOVE ME AT THE SAME GOD DAMN TIME?!” I screamed in his face, wiggling him up and down on the mattress with anger. I was sitting on his thighs so he wouldn’t run away, and Devin had closed his eyes and was holding my hands as if his life depended on it.

“I-I DON’T KNOW, PLEASE STOP”

“FUСКING EXPLAIN IT TO ME.”

“LET ME.”

I frowned and stopped, letting him calm down so he could continue. God, this was … this was so fucked up. An hour ago I wanted to make sweet love to him, and now I want to murder him.

Devin looked at me with what seemed to be pure hatred, after which his expression changed completely and he began sobbing in my hands, tears flowing down his pretty, pale cheekbones. It was then that I realized how I’ve been treating him. If he had any bad reasons for doing this, then he wouldn’t want to tell me in the beginning, right? This … must be hard for him. Why am I being so mean? I stuttered and let him go, and Devin just turned his back on me and curled into a ball on the bed, crying miserably.