Short stories

Angel Amongst Devils

I lost her, I tried so hard and yet she fell out of my hands like water would if you scooped it up from the ocean, or sand if tilted in someone's hand. I never loved her, at least not how everyone thought I did. I always thought of her as my sister, a girl who I should protect. Not because she was younger.. but because she was innocent, pure...fragile. but it still wasn't enough, no matter the length I went for the girl who was names after gods creation...I still lost her. She was driven so far that eventually she fell and that fall was called a jump and that landing was called death...but she welcomed it, she welcomed the sweet embrace of death with open arms and in return she was made into the very thing she was named after, an Angel.

It had been so hard to watch a girl I called my sister be lowered to the ground, surrounded by people who didn't give two shits about her, by people who drove her the that very ledge she fell over. to see people she loved stand there emotionless made me want to scream...

"she's your daughter for gods sakes, the least you could do is shed a tear!"

But I never did...because no matter how tempting it was, I was here for the petite girl in the casket, not for the devils who came to wish an Angel farewell. And so I sat, I sat with tears in my eyes that refused to fall because I refused to show weakness to them, god do I wish I cried more that day, god do I wish I showed weakness. I left the funeral that day, more disoriented than usual and it only got worse from there.

I was depressed and like any other sad teen, I shut myself away. I smiled and laughed so other people could smile and laugh, no one had to know how i really felt because they liked this me and god forbid I change that. But that's what I did, the day approached quicker and before I knew it I was stood before a grave with red tulips in my left hand and a birthday card in my right. I tried as well as I could to form sentences, to wish her a happy birthday like you would to a friend in school but it was hard because all I saw wasn't her, it was a lump of stone with the words,

Angelica

2005-2016

a daughter, a friend and a sister

Creative right? yeah, that's all she got out of this hell, a lump of rock and a few words to bid her goodbye...but I guess I was left off just as bad, I didn't gain anything and yet at the same time i lost everything. To keep it short, a piece of me had been missing since that day. a limb was ripped from my body and I never got it back and yet here I was, a body with all its limbs completely in tact, even if it didn't feel like it. I never behaved right after that day, I was always told to..

"stop being sad, you have no reason"

or

"People have it so much worse"

I knew that, I really did. but they were people who had clearly never lost someone so dear to their heart.

We moved a year later, all the way across the world, to a hot place across the equator. I was defiant at first of course but they told me it would do me good, to have a change of scenery, to get away from her grace, her family and worst of all...our memories. I missed her, every second of everyday but i found people. People who helped that pain subside even just by a little. People who made me happy.

Although i had nights where the little demons watching over tried to pry on the Angels friend, I always made it through. Yes it still hurt and it was still a horrible feeling when her birthday came along, maybe worse than usual since i couldn't even see that clump or stone that i had begun to miss. I couldn't go up to it with those bright red tulips to wish her a happy birthday or to tell her of stories of what stupid thing i did at school that day, but at least I could smile, a real smile with real meaning. So although i couldn't tell her my stories or show her the pictures, i knew i didn't have to. She's an Angel after all, she has to have her ways