orphic

10

2019
Your POV.

"Why don't you give him a chance?" mom's tone often made you want to give in, seeing the brighter side of things. I sigh growing impatient with her lack of remembrance, he wasn't around when I was ill or started my first day of school so why all of sudden does he care? I might've been naive when I was younger trusting his last words he promised me, but now I'm old enough to know better. Everything was a lie, everyone lies to get what they want.

People might think I'm selfish and probably say things like I'll regret it later or holding a grudge, won't do me any good, I get it.
There's not a day that goes by and I don't think about it. Think about him.

I just want him to feel what I did when I was seven and needed reassurance that everything was going to be okay. I suffered for seventeen years, why can't he bear for a little? Without giving my mother a response, I take my folders along with my backpack and prepare for my usual walk to the bus stop.
"I know what you're doing, you're my daughter I know you like the palm of my hand, and I hope the day you agree to see him, it isn't too late" her voice had made me come to a complete jolt, gazing at the clock we chose before moving in here. Suddenly I'm seeing all of us together gathered around the Christmas tree, while I eagerly sit on my father's lap as he sings me that song he'd sing to me whenever I was scared or too anxious.

"He should've thought about that before choosing dirty money instead of his, own daughter" I don't allow any tears to absorb, restricting them from their escape. Mom didn't bother, letting me walk out for the new day to start she knew I was right and even she can't forgive him for that. I detest people who force themselves to be, the 'bigger' person and take the blame for something, that wasn't their fault, to begin with.

•

Present

"Y/n" I hear someone call out for me, turning to my left I see a body who was walking towards me. It's been two weeks and, I'm tired. The whole 'I'm okay' act was making me feel mentally drained, dad only made it difficult with his constant calls and messages. This is my fifth phone number and the only regret I'm feeling is telling my mother every time I switch. "Hm?" I finally meet the other person, smiling at him I gesture for us to take a seat.

"Ten is asking for you" I sigh letting out laughter. What else can possibly be thrown at me right now? Maybe I happened to be one of god's past disobedient angels to be treated this unfairly? Okay, chill, you're being dramatic

Lucas looked as if he wanted to share more, but restrained himself after tears abruptly streamed down my cheeks. I can't remember when was the last time I cried this much, I never enjoyed crying, I don't think anyone does. At some point in my life, I questioned myself why I had to be such an ungrateful ass, people are out here dying and have no food to eat, they're most likely orphans, and I'm over here being a huge baby by avoiding my father for something he did years ago. Am I not allowed to have control over anything? My, God why do feelings even exist. I hate this so much.

"Y/n breathe, y/n, hey!" Lucas' deep voice sounds too far away, I see nothing, but blurriness, the campus lights decorating the skies with a nice bokeh overlay. "I'm tired," I say to my roommate, regaining some air and staring into his watery puppy eyes. Wow, I think this is the first time I've ever seen Lucas react to something this serious. Usually, he walks off and minds his business, "Sometimes it's better to cry it all out, instead of staying quiet" he admits, dangling his legs, over midair. I nearly forgot we were in the middle of a bridge that was initially used to get passed through building F, but I must've lost my train of thought and stayed longer than I should've. "Thanks" I managed to say, wiping my face hoping I didn't look too red.

"I don't know what happened and you don't have to tell me, but what I do know is that whatever it is, it'll pass. Nothing lasts forever, no feelings, no trauma, and, definitely no weed" he couldn't contain it any longer, bursting out laughing as I joined in, playfully smacking his shoulder. "Hey, by the way, do you know who Jaehyun is?" I ask remembering, Ten mentioning his name after confessing he was just as afraid. Lucas lit up a blunt, taking a few hits before passing it to me, I don't deny it and take some puffs.

"Yeah, he's part of the frat at our school. Why?" why does he have to answer so bluntly, ugh

I nod quickly, wondering who Jaehyun hangs around with if I already know both groups that are, apparently the most popular. I know in my current situation I shouldn't even be poking my nose into someone else's business, but right now I don't want to deal with my problems and what else does one do when we want to avoid real-life issues? Fix someone else's or at least try to.

"So who does this Jaehyun guy hang out with, normally?" Lucas furrowed his brows, smiling as he swings his head, "Well I doubt you know any of them, but usually, he's around his people. Mark Lee, Kim Doyoung, Vachirawit Bright, Kim Haon, Baejin, Siwat Mark, and Yuta" I continue to nod at every name, double-checking in case any of them sound familiar, fortunately, one does. At least I think it did. I scratch the bridge of my nose, feeling some dryness, perhaps tears I wasn't able to wipe off. Weed might not be good in some people's eyes, but as of now is the only way I get to relax and not think too much, I take a couple more hits until I finally decide I've had enough. "Lucas, don't we have that guy, Kim Haon for math?" I ask, giving the rest of the drug to him, he doesn't hesitate one bit and takes lengthier puffs,
"Hm, yeah he is actually, sits right in front of Hendery. I heard somewhere he's an underground rapper and only attended here since one of his family members is filthy rich" yeah he and every other person walking this university.

"Mind sharing some of that and the girl too" you've got to be kidding me, I shift my view at the person beside, Lucas, face already covered in that annoying scarlet red. "Hey, Y/n you finally let yourself be seen, I see" Ten jokes, waving at me with an involuntary smile. "I live with one of your best friends, if you were that desperate to see me you could've" that was completely the opposite from what I intended to say, but he just has a way with me that constantly pokes at that side of me that wishes to be left alone. I quickly rise, removing any dirt from my skirt, and start to pick up my pace back inside the building. The only thing I heard was Lucas telling his friend that's what he deserved, I neglected to meet eyes with him after saying such awful things and walked as car as possible. I was about to step on the final staircase when I got held back, my wrist being gripped by the one and only, Ten.

"What did I do wrong? Or is it Xiaojun? Do you like him and not me?" the pleading in his eyes made it quite difficult for me to resist, I slowly set foot compelling him to do the same. We walked hand in hand, permitting the silence to take over, and maybe Lucas was wrong. Some things are better left unsaid, at least not now. "Did you forget what I said that night?" Ten asked, causing us to come to a complete stop, "If I did, don't you think I wouldn't be holding your hand?" I brought our tangled-up hands, showing him prove, he smiled and my heartbeat had been attacked by way too many emotions. This smile was nothing unlike the others he's given me it felt more real and innocent. "Hanging out with us influenced you a lot hasn't, it?"  Ten chuckled, closing the gap between us, "Oh no, what are we gonna do? She's smoking, going out to parties, and holding hands with her number one nemesis" I stepped even closer, tilting my head wanting to see more of that pretty smile.

"Don't worry I got the perfect cure" before I could back away, his finger was already flicking my forehead as one arm held me captive, squeezing me tightly until I break into the loudest laughter, Ten cupping my entire face exactly like the first time I saw him drunk.

"I prefer you laughing and not crying" he'd say, bright almonds, stuck on me.

Okay maybe keeping him around will come in handy