orphic

18

Xiaojun's POV.

The room beamed with such radiance as I walked into the cafeteria, he stood there with a rag in one hand and a broom in the opposite. Why is he here? The same question lingers, yet no answer is given. I simply take my time roaming through every pastry. How can someone not age at all? What the hell does he eat, and why is he so damn tall? It's strange to share this place with someone like, Johnny. I've built this new reality where the old me no longer coexists, people find me sharp, but little do they know I was probably worse than him, what the hell does that even mean? Since when did I forget? I need to end this before I lose focus. I've been in a trance these past couple of weeks ever since Johnny barged in here and this isn't me. I, Dejun, never slip. What makes matters worse is that he shows up everywhere I'm supposed to be. Goddammit, Kun, where are you? I need to leave before he- "Xiao?" Uh-oh. For a brief moment I hesitate confronting him, no I can't, pressing one airpod in hopes he gets the point seems like a great idea, walk away, please. Yeah, yeah think the worst of me I mean aren't I already?

This isn't like me. I can't believe one sudden encounter and I'm suddenly drifting to the person he nurtured throughout that traumatic episode of my disgusting life. How pitiful I was back then. It's embarrassing having to relive those nightmares, those nightmares that he healed in such a beautiful and innocent way.

While I attempted to convince myself he was finally gone, Johnny managed to move forward, tapping my shoulder something I obviously can't avoid. Once I shift to be met with those almonds, I'm in shock when I see Kun waving back, only to have a puzzled expression as my old friend remains beside him. "Oh, you're here," I say to Kun, going from both men. "Is there anything I can help you with?" Kun addresses Johnny, an eyebrow raising as he waits. Please just leave, "I apologize young man just saw a few leaks, carry on" with that the taller person begins his departure. A part of me wanted to go after him, and a part of me almost did, yet I didn't move a muscle, listening to Kun's echoing voice as we walked towards our usual spot. Johnny was always that way, looking after others even if it meant he was hurting deep down.

"That worker claimed he was cleaning, but I think he was trying to get your attention" my friend was far too intellectual. I chuckle as a way to drag him out of this stiffness currently clouding us. It's a shame I never taught myself to not carry every feeling on my sleeves, "Who knows? Perhaps he was since I'm pretty known on campus. Maybe he had a question"  I reply as I mix some of the berries with the oatmeal. "Why couldn't he just ask, what a creep" Kun's head shakes as usual whenever he's bothered for no apparent reason. I never understood why he often became moody. Sicheng and I seem to be the only people he tolerates. Sometimes I wonder why we're the only ones who are part of his world because as far as I recall everyone else is invisible to Kun. "Look at him just staring at us, what the hell is his deal?" out of instinct I follow my friend's eyes and watch as the tall figure occasionally returns to whatever task he needs to do next, and us. "You're delusional, he's merely doing his job, what the hell is up your ass this morning?"
We've always been this way, unlike others we knew better than to take words to heart, "I'm glad you realize. For once, Dejun isn't only focused on himself. We have guests coming home and let's just say I'm not very fond of them-" Kun halts for a brief moment, taking a sip of his coffee, "They're old friends my parents went to school with, well let me rephrase that, the man is since he remarried" a sigh escaped his moist lips, gripping onto the mug as if he was restraining himself. I wished it was that simple for me to avoid emotions, how fortunate of you, Kun.  The duration of the time spent in the cafeteria was short, however, I was the last one there.

"You should take a break" a voice intervened with my intrusive thoughts, very well aware of who was speaking. You know now that I think about it there's more that changed about him, his voice doesn't crack anymore, a chuckle is being heard, blending in with the crisp wind. A ray of sunlight crosses over Johnny's neck. "You too" I wandered, landing my gaze on his. Wow. Since when did you grow up to be such a handsome man, Johnny Suh? How can someone remain the same, yet transform into this? They say people who aren't as good-looking obtain great personalities and those who are considered beautiful carry horrible behaviors. It's like cheating, you know?
I must've been stuck for far too long not realizing when he sat in front of me, "Why were you ignoring me earlier?" he'd bluntly inquire, hands placed atop his lap. Suddenly the light slowly faded, "Pardon?" Maybe pretending to be confused might help me out of this one. I kept my stance firm, mouth pouting in hopes he believed me. Oh god, what have I become? He shakes his head, and smiles at the sight, "You know that's a bad lie and you shouldn't have attempted to, you can't lie, Xiao. I swear my intentions are pure. I'm unsure why you're avoiding me, but let's not make things awkward, yeah?" he reached out his hand, licking his buds while he stared at mine. "Why do you always do that? Act as if you know everything about me?" I snap, finding his confidence rather irritating. He must be reliving those moments we shared, under the impression I'm that same weak kid that used to be his best friend. I worked too hard for all of this to go away, I won't let it. "And why can't you just accept the fact I do " he retorts, brows knitting, "Do you hate your past so badly that you're willing to pin that hatred on me too? Should I pretend we're strangers and leave everything behind like you?" I can't stand him, it's like he's reading my mind, I hate him.

"If it's not too much to ask, please do so"

Johnny gave the other a slight nod, head continuing to move in slow tempos as he stared at him. If only it'd be easier to understand why Xiaojun was doing this to him things would have been different. The side of him who knew nothing but stubbornness ordered him to be persistent and continue fighting, while the other one told him to let it go and wait for when the time is right. He already got this far, why not tap out for now? "Don't worry, stranger" he mustered his best smile, "Take care of yourself".