Trusting My Brothers

Chapter 36

A/N: Hey guys. I'm so sorry that I haven't updated. School just started and I have midterms coming up. And sorry if this isn't a good chapter; I have been experiencing writers block recently.

Unknown: Hey, It's Cole.

Me: Hey, how are you?

Cole: I'm good. Do you have time to talk now?

Me: Yeah.

It's not like I could have said, "No I don't want to talk about that kiss." Hopefully this conversation won't be too awkward. My phone rings, Cole's name popping up on the screen. 

Taking a deep breath, I answer the call. "Hello?"

"Hey. So I guess it's time to talk." Cole said awkwardly. Now I know that this talk is going to be serious because usually, Cole is very cocky and self-assured, but today is nervous.

"Yeah. I guess I'll go first. Umm, so I'll be honest, I wasn't really expecting for us to kiss, not that I didn't like it. I really did, but it can't happen again." 

"Look Liliana, I really like you. You are not just some one time thing, if that is what you are afraid of." Crap. What am I supposed to say now?

"Well, thanks for the reassurance but that's not why. Look, my family is really strict about being friends with the opposite sex let alone me dating somebody. However, the best I can offer you is a friendship...for now." I feel like I delivered a cliche break up line and we weren't even together.

"Well, at least we are friends now. I'll take it seeing as how you completely broke my heart when you said you were just talking to me because of the project and I'm going to hold the 'for now' against you." He said and I could tell he was smirking through the phone.

Grateful for getting out of serious territory, I laugh. "You are over exaggerating."

He fake gasps over the phone. "How dare you say I over exaggerate? You are the one that broke up with me."

Rolling my eyes, I say, "I didn't break up with you. We were never together. No offense, but you are a dumbass."

"It's fine. Besides, you already called me asshole so..." He said, causing me to laugh. We continued talking for a while and not once did I mention what he was going through with his dad. Personally, I know that I would't want to talk to someone about something bad when I am in a good mood. 

Once we got done talking, I go to the music room since it has been a while. I was able to make it to the room without running into anybody and close the door behind me. Uncovering the keys, I grab my book from under the bench and get situated. Playing the first sheet music I flipped to, it turned out to be Nuvole Bianche which is composed by Ludovico Einaudi. 

While playing, I remember when I first learned how to play this piece. It was about a year and a half ago. Nate and mom were arguing about something; I think it was because she caught him cheating on her, though it wasn't really that surprising. It was fairly obvious that he wasn't faithful, especially since he repeatedly came home with lipstick stains and hickeys running down his neck.

To get away from all that yelling, I went to the community center and used their rundown piano. I know there are people that like high end brands but the rundown one had its uniqueness. There were carvings of people's initials who used to play that sam piano and I carved my own, though I guess it was never the proper initial. I carved L.D for Liliana Danforth, but it should have been L.M. Sometimes I wondered, what were the stories behind the people's initials. Did they go through the same thing I went to or did they have super strict rich parents and the center was their way as an escape for a while.

Getting out of my thoughts once I get to the end, I hear subtle noise come from the door and turn around to see Nic. I smile softly and say, "Did you get that situation handled?"

"Yeah, it was just some idiot that lost important paperwork and forgot that we live in the digital age where we could print another copy." He said, causing me to laugh.

"Well, since you are done, do you want to play something?" I ask.

"Sure, but I get to choose this time. Do you know Without You? The drum and piano composition?"

I think for a moment. "I know part of it, but I have the sheet music for it so I can try to sight read the rest."

"Okay. Let me grab my drum sticks and get set up." It only takes him a few minutes to get prepared and he counts us off before we begin.

Once we get done playing and start putting everything away, I make a comment. "Do realize that most of the songs are sad and depressing?"

"I do, but I guess when I first started playing, that was the genre that my mood fit. I'm assuming it was the same for you?"

"It still is. I mean, I have been playing somber music for a while, but it still reflects on my personal feelings. It's not like I can heal overnight and be this bubbly girl rather than the moody self I am." I admit.

Nic puts his right arm around my shoulders. "No one expects you to be fine overnight. In all our own ways, we understand that it takes time to heal. And you are not moody, I prefer the term badass."

"And what classifies me as a badass?" I ask, genuinely curious.

He starts counting on his fingers. "First of all, you defend those who can't defend themselves. Second of all, you are strong on multiple ways. Third of all, you are independent. Fourth of all, you are smart and own it. And finally, even when things are tough, you never give up."

"I've definitely have given up before. Me harming myself is proof of that." I countered.

He retorted with, "But it isn't. You haven't cut in over a week, which is an accomplishment, especially since you used to do it a few times a week. Whether you believe it or not, it takes strength to be able to stop something like cutting and you have people to help. I'm not as strong as you."

"You are a hundred times stronger than I am. Even though things were hard, you never hurt yourself or found comfort in pain." My voice was gradually getting louder.

"I did though!" Nic yelled. He took a deep breath and continued, his voice cracking. "I used to cut myself, Lil. I started when I was 16 and it continued for over a year. I eventually stopped, but I ended up relapsing two years ago due to something happening. I met Gabriel during that time and he helped me be able to stop. If I'm being honest, if I never met him, I probably wouldn't be here today. You have a support system here. Don't make the same mistake I did and not tell anybody your problems. You have Michael, Liam, and our brothers."

"I know I do. It's just easier to talk to someone that understands. That is why out of all of our brothers, I opened up to you first. Because you could relate. And I've never seen scars on your arms. Not that it is any of my business, but did you cut somewhere else?"

"You are welcome to ask. And I cut on my thighs so that no one would ever seen them. None of our brothers knew about the cutting and Gabe was the only one who saw my scars."

"Your lucky to have him. Even though I didn't know you before you dated him, from what you told me, he seemed to have helped you a lot." I said, giving him a small smile.

"He did. Now come on. It's lunch time and I am starving." He said dramatically.

"So am I." And then we make our way to the kitchen.