Trusting My Brothers

Chapter 4

Naturally my fingers started playing the song, The Sound of Silence. I lost myself in the feel of playing the keys again. This song expresses everything I am feeling and have felt for years, the pain of being alone. At first, music was a way for me to cope with my anxiety and depression, until I stopped playing about eight months ago. Then, pain became my coping mechanism, and by that, I mean I started to cut myself. I used to wear hoodies to cover my bruises, but now I wear it to cover the scars on my arms. Its been about a week since I last cut and I knew that I would be doing it soon because of how bad my anxiety is right now. Music helped a lot but I don't think it was going to be as effective as it used too.

After finishing the song, I realized that there was tears running down my face. I wipe them away, put my piano book in the bench, and leave the room. I go to the kitchen and get a glass of water. While I am taking a sip, I hear someone walking in my direction. It was Nico, my third oldest brother. He stops when he sees me and gives me a questioning look before grabbing something from the pantry. Then he comes back to sit at the counter. 

"What are you doing up? Shouldn't you be asleep? It's past your bedtime." I roll my eyes, which he catches. 

"Don't roll your eyes at me." He says in a demanding voice that reminds me of Nate's. Oh No. I feel an anxiety attack coming and I put my glass in the dishwasher before running to my room.

When I get to my room, I lock the door and go to the bathroom. My heart is pounding in my chest, my head is killing me, and I am having trouble breathing. I feel the tears running down my face once again and I look through my cabinets until I find the razor blade. I make two 1 inch lines on my forearm, not too deep, but enough to bring me back from the attack. After taking a couple of deep breathes, I start to clean up my cuts and blood off the floor. Once I make sure that the cuts are disinfected, I bandage them up and take paracetamol because my body is hurting. I fall asleep the second I hit the bed and luckily, today was one of those days where I don't get a nightmare.

I wake up around 6:00am and decide to go workout for a bit because I doubt the boys are up yet since it is a Saturday. Right now, I'm not in too much pain but I'm probably not going to push myself too hard. I change into leggings and a long sleeve shirt with my sneakers before making my way downstairs. I enter the gym and it is empty like I thought it would be. The first thing that I do is the elliptical machine and I spend about twenty minutes on it. Next, I work on the punching bag, which hurt my arm a little because of the cuts, but the bandage helped a little so that I didn't pull it too much. 

At 7:00am, I left the gym to go to my room and take a shower. I get dressed in my hoodie with leggings and by 7:30am, I am ready for the day. After sitting around for about five minutes, I take my painkillers and decide to go downstairs. When I get to the living room, I notice that Lorenzo, Savio, and Nico are standing there. They see me walk in and start conversing in Italian. 

"Ti ho detto che Liliana mi ha assassinato ieri sera? Le ho fatto una domanda e lei ha alzato glitter occhi al cielo."(Did I tell you that Liliana sassed me last night? I asked her a question and she just rolled her eyes at me.) he said. Great. I'm probably going to be in trouble now. 

Lorenzo turns to me and says, "Why were you up so late, Bambina and why would you do that to Nico?" 

"I was just thirsty so I thought that I would just get a glass of water. He was making comments that were rude." 

"Remember, one of the rules is respect your brothers. If I hear of something like this again, there will be consequences." I feel my chest start to tighten but I try to keep my expression neutral. 

"Yes, sir." And with that, I leave to go to the kitchen and once I get there, I take a couple of deep breathes, trying to calm down.

About ten minutes later, the boys come into the room and take a seat at the counter. I am eating a piece of toast when they walked in. 

"Bambina, why did you call Lorenzo sir?" asked Savio. 

"Umm...because he told me to respect all of my brothers and the word sir is meant to be respective." 

They think for a moment, and Nico says, "We are your brothers, so you don't have to call us that." 

I murmur an okay and then Lorenzo says, "Well now let's get back to the business at hand. Since us three have to go to work, your other brothers will be taking you shopping." Wait What. 

"They don't have to do that." 

"This is not a request." says Savio. 

"But I don't have any money." That was technically a lie but that money is for emergencies only. 

"You are not paying, Sorellina. We are." I tried to argue that it wasn't necessary but they quickly shut me down. Well, I guess I am going shopping. Yay(Note the sarcasm)