Suicidal

Chapter 8: AJ's POV

*A few nights ago*
I walked downstairs while Harry was still getting ready and the rest of One Direction kept asking me questions.
"Why is Harry taking so long?"
"Is Harry crying about how ugly he is?"
"Is Harry cutting himself?"
Their sick questioning was making me angry. Harry really is suicidal and depressed. Why do they make fun of him like he's some kind of joke? Did they ever care about him, even 2 years ago when Harry started getting depressed? When he was still a part of their band? Harry walked downstairs and I was appalled at his appearance. He was wearing his 'fancy' clothes, what he wore last year when he was still a part of One Direction, but that wasn't what I was surprised about. His clothes were all baggy on him, since he was so skinny from starving himself.
"Wow, Harry. I didn't think you would actually end up looking like an actual human when you go to the restaurant." Zayn said, appalled.
"Harry, you're so fat and ugly. Why do you even try to look good anymore?" Louis said.
"W-what do you mean?" Harry asked Zayn.
"Oh you just look ugly as hell normally, I didn't think your outfit would look good. Not that your ugly face hasn't changed with it, sadly." He responded to Harry. Sadly, I knew they would do this, but I had to bring Harry. He would kill himself if he stayed home alone. I felt so bad for him. I wished I could be in his place. As soon as we got to the restaurant, I could tell Harry was upset. He was biting his lip, trying not to cry, and it worked.
"So Harry, how's your life?" Louis asked, trying not to laugh.
"Like he has one," Niall whispered to Louis.
"Terrible. I hate myself and everyone else in this world hates me. You're right Louis, I should kill myself. If only AJ wouldn't be watching my every move. Excuse me." Harry told everyone. I can't let him leave me. I don't know what I'd do without him.
"Harry, where are you going?" I asked, grabbing Harry's hand.
"I have to go to the loo." Harry said.
"Yeah sure, Harry. We all know you 'just wanna kill yourself,' quit lying, manwhore."
"Is that true, Harry?" I whispered silently. He nodded his head yes.
"I knew you were going to do this to him! You make him feel so bad, then you expect me to want to hang out with you? That's pathetic. You really think I want to hang out with a bunch of ARSEHOLES who insult my little cupcake and tell him to die? Well you're all WRONG!" I shouted in One Direction's faces then pulled Harry outside.
"I'm so sorry Harry! Please don't hate me! I love you!" I thought. But what I said out loud was different.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I didn't know......"
"It's fine, I'm fine." I could tell he was lying. He looked like he was about to cry.
*Current Day*
I can't believe it. Harry tried to kill himself yesterday. I remember, I was downstairs, then I went upstairs and I found Harry lying on the bathroom floor covered in blood. It hurts me to see him like that. He wanted to die. I remember exactly what he said at the hospital.
"The hate.... I can't take it. It's so hard, AJ. So hard and they keep pushing. They tell me I'm fat and ugly, they tell me everyone hates me, they tell me I deserve to die. It's all true, AJ. No one likes me; I don't even like myself. The only person who even remotely likes me is you. They call me a manwhore, I don't even date any girls anymore! No girls like me-except you. I deserve to die, I'm worthless, I'm fat, I'm ugly. Just please, leave me to die. I want to die!" He had said. He seemed so angry. Not at me, but at himself. He seemed like he couldn't believe he let himself get like that. He seemed like he wanted to die, like he believed every word those haters said. But I know Harry, and that's not Harry. Or is it..... I just hope he doesn't get any worse. God, I love him so much, I don't know what I'd do without him. As I lay in bed next to Harry, I notice how he's sleeping. He has his face buried in the pillow and a blanket covering him. He never used to sleep like that. He always used to just lay there and I would always cuddle up to him. Although, he hasn't been acting like he used to..... He never smiles anymore, unless he's really happy about something, which also never happens. He never goes out anymore, because of haters. He never even looks like his normal self. I hate seeing him like this, I mean, I love him so much but he doesn't believe me. He tells me everyone hates him and wants him to die. He always talks about how much he wants to die. I can't listen to him talk about dying all the time, it makes me sad that that's all he thinks about.
"Harry, wake up!" I say cheerfully, lightly tapping his shoulder.
"Yes?" He says. He looks so cute. I push his curls away from his face and he just looks at me and frowns.
"What's wrong, Harry?" I ask.
"Nothing." He says.
"You sure?"
"YES! Now leave me alone." He says in an aggravated tone. I think he's upset with me because I stopped him from killing himself.
"Harry, please talk to me." I say. He just walks away.
"Hazza please."
"No. I wanted to die but you stopped me. Again." So he was mad because of that.
"But Harry....."
"No! I'm done with your kindness, AJ. I'm done with you trying to keep me alive. What if I don't want to live? What if I'm miserable here and I just want to leave because no one likes me? WHAT IF NOBODY CARES IF I LEAVE?!" Harry screams and runs out the door.
"Harry, where are you going?" I ask, now worried.
"Nowhere important." He responds.
"Please tell me..." I plead, but he leaves already.
I hope he's not going to kill himself..... I could never forgive myself if he did......
But hope is stronger than fear.