HEIGHTS

thirteen

I entered my home and could hear laughter coming from the living room. "Hey." I greeted my family and visitors, who were caught up in a chat. "Leticia, nice to see your little ass." My mother got up, and I was surprised, by her weird approach. "What's wrong mom?"

"Isaac called and asked, why you weren't at church again." I rolled my eyes and she crossed her arms. "You've been missing for weeks! You're part of the choir, you can't just decide to never go again." I wouldn't go again, ever. Since Juliet, the main singer of the choir and best friend died, I stayed away from that church. She was a really great friend, it was a very low point in my life, I remember blaming god for everything, I stopped praying and didn't touch the bible. "You know what happened."

"Life goes on Leticia. You won't be alone. Tyler will even go with you." I looked over to him, his eyes shifted to me and he flashed me a bright smile. I cringed. "I don't know." I really needed to feel connected to god again. I felt like he let me down, everything in my life was going downhill and my prayers weren't answered. "Jess what happened to you?" My mom finally noticed Jess' state, "Family problems." My mother shook her head, as if she looked down on her. "Them white people problems." She said, more to herself and turned around, but I didn't let her go further. "Excuse you?"

"What?"

"Jess is in a hard time right now, and all you can say is.. this? It's not like we don't have problems in our family and we are black!" She frowned in confusion, pretending to have no idea about my anger. "You disgust me."

"Watch your mouth Leticia."

"Or what? Are you gonna beat me up again? Jess," I turned to my friend. "I know exactly how you feel, my parents aren't the best either and they think, beating their children is a solution." My mother gasped in shock, not knowing what to say. "Leticia I will whoop your ass, if you won't stop talking nonsense!" She threatened. A mother, threatening to beat her own seventeen year old daughter. Sad. I just took Jess upstairs and locked the door. "I didn't know you.." She didn't finsih the sentence, but I knew, what she meant. I felt like crying, but I didn't want to, Jess needed someone strong now. "Tish, you could have told me."

"No.. it's not about me. It's about you." I held my tears back. "What?"

"I put up with it since I was little, I can handle that." She came closer, wrapping her tiny arms around me, letting me cry in her shoulder. "I'm sorry if I come of weak now." I apologized. "You're not. I mean you've been dealing with this since years. Leticia, I look up to you." She hugged me tighter. "Let us talk about something else." She suggested and I nodded. "I need to tell you something." I couldn't hold the lie back anymore.

"Remember, when I told you, I had to go back home?" She nodded, "I didn't have to.. I lied." My tears welled in my eyes, "I met with Harry and Josephine that day, I swear I felt bad, but being with Harry was so tempting." I sobbed, the look on her face was bitter, I hated, how I was the one, who made her look this way. Seeing her hurt like this, I could've at least told her later, not on that day. I hated myself even more. "I'm sorry." I could see the emotions in her eyes, anger, sadness, confusion, hate..

"I can't believe it Tish. I believed you and let you go. You just left me alone, with my dad." She whispered the last words. "I'm sorry-"

"Sorry?! Oh, now you feel sorry, you weren't even brave enough to tell me the truth! I always tell you the truth. And you just did all that, for a guy who is engaged and will never like you back. Leticia you're nothing to him, he has his woman and that's not you! Get that in your delusional head!" She yelled and got out. I wasn't even mad at her words, she was right about everything. I was more angry at myself than she was. I buried my face in my pillow and screamed. I withdrew as I heard the door open, Tyler. "Hey are you alright? What's wrong with your-"

"Shut up!" I yelled from the top of my lungs. I couldn't handle the emotions, "Hey." He stuck his hand out, but I didn't jerk away this time. I let him put his his arms around me. "Wanna talk?" He asked after a long moment of silence. "No." I said still in his embrace. "Okay." I could feel his smile, how he liked me being in his arms. "That's not how it works. We will never be." I clarified. His eyes were wide open amd he looked surprised, by my mood. "I didn't say anything." I couldn't deal with these people in this house anymore. I couldn't stay at home, I needed to get out. "Where are you going?"

"None of your fucking business." I stated and walked out. "And get out of my room." I added, he got up from my bed and headed downstairs.

I made my way, to the address Harry gave me. I hope he wasn't busy now. What would he say, if I appeared like this? Gosh, I looled like a mess, why didn't I get ready? My heart seemed to go crazy, when I imagined how it would be, if Harry would open the door for me, and take me in his arms. What did he wear? What did he smell like again? What did his hair feel like. Josephine appeared in my imagination amd I almost ran over red light. "Hey!" I heard a man yell behind me, but I gout quicker and couldn't see him anymore. I had enough trouble with the police. My police record was already flawed. I recognized the name on the address on a shield, and there was this amazing building. It was so big and looked so clean. How I wish, I lived there. My heart raced and my hands became sweaty. "Leticia?" I turned around, and found Harry, with a very big German Shepherd. "Hey." My fear grew, when the dog got excited, trying to climb on me. How terrifying it looked, like an attack. "Sadie!" Harry scolded her. "I'm sorry, she gets very exited around strangers." He furrowed his brows, when he noticed my depressed state. "Hey, are you alright?" I couldn't lie anymore, "No." I whispered. "Um, you wanna come in?" My breath got heavier, I nodded and followed him in.

He took Sadie's leash off, when we finally entered the apartment. I was overwhelmed by it! The beautiful light colors fitted the image of Harry perfectly, it was so bright and big, with a lot of modern furnitures, which were also classy. "Sit." I was confused by his order, I looked at him with surprise. "Oh um wasn't directed to you." He told and I realized, that his dog was the target.

"But you can sit too of course." I slowly sat down on the white couch. Sadie was very exited, her heavy breath was really frightening. Her eyes watched every move of mine. "Why does she have a muzzle on?" I ask in fear, hoping for his answer to be 'she eats a lot'. "She likes to, you know... bite, well sometimes me, but mostly other people." I gulped. "Leticia.. what happened?"

"Nothing major." I lied. Enough lying Leticia! "I lied to Jess.. when we went to the zoo, I was actually sleeping at Jess'. I don't know, why I lied to her Harry." He looked at me, as if he was looking for words in my face. "I know.. I'm the worst friend."

"You're not." He said after a silence. I noticed now, that we were alone. Oh god, my hormones were going crazy. We could do so many things! Why did he have to leave a couple of his buttons on his shirt unbuttoned, why did he have to rub his long fingers on his knees. Or why was he biting his lip? Suddenly I remember, the first time I ever saw him. There was this same feeling again, I wanted him. "Tish?" My eyes shifted to him. "I don't like your silence, it's concerning me." He stated. "My mother.." He scooted closer. "What's with her?"

"She threatened to hit me." I felt the tears again. Why was I so open and honest? As his hands touched my back, goosebumps covered my skin. He didn't say anything, he was speechless.