Smoke // castano

𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝟰𝟬.

𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝟰𝟱: 𝗺𝗮𝘆𝗯𝗲
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𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗴
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i hate boys.

they can never make me satisfied. theres always something wrong.

and that was the only thing on my mind since i opened that letter;

did he even mean it?

is he jealous of vinnie?

does he know that i basically fucked mattia twice in two days?

should i just talk to him?

so i sat here, during history where i usually sat with mar, thinking and eating chocolate. i was also staring at mariano's back since he was in front of me.

when he walked in he shot me a quick smile abut he didn't say anything. he look weird, well his eyes did. he wasn't just crying though, i think he's high. i felt really bad because i think it's my  fault. if he ever found out about mattia, i don't even know what would happen.

"hey y/n" ale smiled sitting next to me

"hi" i smiled back

"how did it go yesterday, are you okay?" he asked

i stayed quiet for a while debating what i should say;

"we fucked"

"WHAT?" his eyes widened

"MR. ROSARIO, MRS.Y/L/N, IS THERE A PROBELM?" the teacher yelled

"nope" he frantically shook his head

"good, now please stop flirting and get back to work"

as i lowered my head and got back to way i heard a big screech. i looked up and sat mars desk moved over;

"im sorry" he said fixing it

"it's okay mr. castano"

i sighed knowing its all my fault.

~after class~

i stood at my locker wait for mariano so i could talk to him. i had to at least  make sure he wasn't high on drugs.

"MAR" i yelled walking towards him

"Y/N" i heard someone say, bit it wasn't mar

i turned around and saw mattia holding his arms out

"matitta, ill catch up with you in a minute" i lied

"just one kiss?" he asked

i looked back and saw mariano's eyes glued on us. shit.

"mattia, not now"

"why not?"

"ugh" i started to walk away

he grabbed my arm and spun my around connecting our lips. the way his hand was positioned behind my head made it awfully hard to pull away. it felt half passionate half forced. i knew it wasn't his fault, i was leading him on.

he didn't know i still had feelings for mar, he thought i had feelings for him. but he's just my best friend, nothing more.

he finally pulled away and smiled;

"i gotta go, ill see you later" i weakly smile

he smiled and walked away and i tried to talk to mar but he was walking away as well.

"MAR" i repeatedly said

i followed him all the way to the parking lot until he even looked at me;

"BABE" i yelled one last time

"don't fucking babe me y/n" he scoffed

"look i'm sorry okay" i tried not to sound soft

"what are you sorry about? sorry that you didn't stay with your fucking BOYFRIEND when he got in a fight? or was it the fact that you went home with another boy? MAYBE IT'S THE FUCKING FACT THAT YOU KISSED HIM, MORE OF  A MAKEOUT IN THE FUCKING HALLWAY Y/N"

my heart dropped. all he did was fight someone, why did i do this?

"baby I'm so sorry" i took a step closer

"you lied to me" he seemed ashamed "you have these big, not bad looking, healthy, drug free guys all over you. do you expect me to just be okay with that?" 

"but i only want you" i tried to convince him

"yeah right all you ever wan.."

i couldn't take it anymore. i couldn't take us being apart. i couldn't take lying to him. i couldn't take ruining another friendship.

so i cut him off by pressing my lips right on his. and for a minute he didn't do anything, so i took that as a sign that he really was over me. i felt like complete shit, but i understood.

i started to pull way felling really embarrassed, but he pulled me right back. it all happened so i quick it was hard to even realize what was happen, much less react. 

i got a hold on reality and ran my hand through his hair. as much as it was passionate, it was needy. it's only been about 24 hours since our last kiss but that was as long as we could go.

it was an easy kiss to imagine; hands running all over each other, lips transferring from lips, neck, to jawline every second, not caring if anyone in the world saw.

i would say it lasted maybe 3 minutes? the second he pulled away i gasped for air. i felt like the world just reset. he rested his forehead on mine and took deep breathes;

"i missed you, babe" he smiled sill heavily breathing

"missed you too" i kissed his forehead and backed away

"you need a ride?" he asked fixing his hair

"yep" i groaned thinking about mattia

"make sure you break up with mattia" he chuckled

"uhm there's something i should tell you" i got into his car

"mhm what's that?"

i think he deserves to know right? yeah, yeah.

"i slept with mattia" i spitted out

"yeah i know, you lost your virginity to him"

"last night" i added, really scared

"huh?"

"well and this morning, well we didn't sleep but we did fuck, in his car. and im sososo sorry babe i just missed you but i was mad at you. to be fair, i did pretend it was you i almost moaned you-"

"just stop talking y/n" he sighed

i leaned back in the seat as he started driving. he placed his hand on my thigh and gave me a warm smile.

i felt like things were falling back into place.

"it was never about the money or drugs, for
you there's only love"

"all my friends say u should take some space,
well i can't envision, that for a minute"

"cause your my religion, your how i'm
living"

𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗼𝗻: 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗮 𝗱𝗲𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝘆