Smoke // castano

𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝟱𝟮.

𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝟱𝟮: 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴
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(𝗺𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗰 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗱)
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i hated silence. there was different types of silence, but this was as bad as it gets.

car silence. the air seemed stiffer than usual. my throat got drier and drier as i tried to find the words to say. nothing felt right, it felt like things were written on a script.

he might of wanted to talk to me, but he had no idea what to say. neither did i, i just hated the tension. it's awfully hard going from kissing and dates to crying and distance. especially when it happens so fast. it makes you question nearly everything you do. i even questioned the way my leg was positioned.

music would've been nice, but he couldn't even put it on. it was like the words were sitting on his tongue, but he wasn't allowed to give them up. all he needed to do was apologize. actually say "i'm sorry", he can ever seem to do that. it really made me question if he even meant it.

i doubt he did, but a part of me wants to believe that he does.

a part of me still hangs on to him.

it honestly hurt. it hurt because i didn't actually know the truth. all the words he says hurt, even the good ones. i never know what he actually means. one minute things are good, the next he hates me.

oxygen filled my lungs as i claimed onto the air. breathing felt like a chore at the moment, like i was being made to do so against my own will. nothing made sense right now, he seemed to confident when he first approached me.

"what happened?" a low, cracky voice got out, breaking the silence. his voice was filled with drugs, i knew that. his words confused me though.

"huh?" i slowly got out, my voice level meeting his. "with you" he replied like i was supposed to know what he meant. once again, he must of sensed my confusion and continued speaking;

"you used to be so peppy, like confident and happy. now you seem so down all the time" his words absolutely fascinated me. they shocked me. they sent a wrecking ball to my heart that was already aching.

"i don't know mar" i lied straight through my teeth. i thought he would get it by now, but i guess not. i present myself as something but when i'm more comfy around you i loosen up, isn't that common scence?

"your lying" he muttered, keeping his hand locked on the wheel. "than tell me, what happen to me" i replied, trying to keep my cool.

"you changed, like you lost something, shit i don't know y/n" his toned seemed more strict, like he was dying for the answer. "i lost my friends"

the words slipped out of my mouth. i didn't even mean it. well i meant it, i just didn't want him to know.

"whos fault is that" he had a sarcastic tone to it, like he found this amusing. simple words hurt, i don't think he understood that. i didn't want to respond and feed into his entertainment, so i kept my mouth shut.

we passed 5 crosswalks, 7 people walking, and 3 restaurants, i counted, before a word was spoken again. "who was it?" the question was repeated, but in a more forceful tone.

"don't know" i softly snapped back, my patients for his dumb questions was running out. as the words flowed out, i felt the movement of the vehicle excel. i forcefully moved my head to look at his, wanting to see his movements.