Smoke // castano

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟱𝟭.

part 51: talks
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y/n's pov

i couldn't handle it. even if we weren't talking i couldn't just be next to him, the silence honestly made it worse.

i didn't want to say anything, i just wanted to go leave. i want to be with someone who made me feel safer. so that's what i did, i left the classroom.

as soon as i did so, i picked up my paste towards the front office. i picked my head up enough to where someone could see me though the glass window. thankfully, he got the queue, and got up to come see me.

i backed away from the door allowing him to open it, and the second he did i threw my self at him. i know i shouldn't be doing this, but i needed someone.

litterly anything could help me get away from the feeling he gave me. as much as i wanted for things to get back to normal, i can't keep forgiving him for the stuff he does. at least vinnie doesn't keep making these mistakes.

i still felt like complete shit. how could he leave? especially when i was breaking down like that? and honestly over something so little that made me hurt so much. not only did it break my heart, it made me realize how much of an impossible person he is to be with. maybe one day i'll try again, but i mentally couldn't handle it right now.

i wrapped my arms around his lower torso and automatically forced my head into his chest. it made me feel safer that he was "bulkier", it made me feel secure, like nothing could hurt me anymore. it was a nice feeling that i always cherished.

"you okay?" he murmured into my hair, "just stress" i replied. at least he would ask, mar didn't even bother to say hi, and that was not my fault. i did absolute nothing wrong, and i stand by that. "your shaking" he said pointing out the obvious, "yeah, i'm okay" i lied.

"stop lying" he said, still into my hair, "i'm not, i.." right before i was about to spit out another lie a voice behind me interrupted me. "y/n" that familiar voice spoke, the voice of the person who left me. the drop in his voice replicated the drop in my stomach the minute i saw him.

i could feel vinnies grip get tighter, in a secure way, around me. honestly, i didn't blame him this time. "can we talk?" i could hear confidence arise in his voice. my heart skipped about thinking about the endless possibilities that could actually happen. it would either end in a make out or a fight, either was is good guess.

"sure" i replied wanting to clear the air between us. as i unwrapped my arms around vinnie, he lowered his head and whispered into my ear, "don't let him make you feel bad, you did nothing wrong" and even though they were words of encouragement, all i thought about was how no one told me those things while he was hurting me.

i smiled through my thoughts and walked over to mar, i really hoped vinnie would turn around and leave, but i knew he would wait.

with every step i took, i felt the world fall away. like my control didn't even exist anymore.

probably because it didn't, but it was really a crappy feeling. i at least liked to know i had a little control, but honestly i couldn't find it any where. loosing your friends and damaging relationships all for one person really hurt me.

i looked up and locked eyes with that person. his eyes looked drained, his lips looked swollen, and his hair was a greasy mess. the least i could do was give him a mental eye roll. he had no reason to look worse than me.

"what" i sighed, unlocking my gaze from his. "i didn't mean to.. you know... leave you" he stuttered looking down. my first instinct was to laugh in his face, but i know that would only cause trouble.

"you didn't mean to leave?" i mocked him, holding back my true intentions. "i didn't know what to do" he replied like that justified everything. "wow.. uhm" i could possibly wrap my head around what he was saying.

what person in there right mind leaves a person there supposed to care about on the floor? i really don't think anyone would. and what pissed me off the most, was the fact that i even considered moving in with him.

yes, i was known for doing that early in a relationship but i really thought he might be different, and of course i was wrong.

"listen mar, i appreciate whatever type of apology this is but, i cant do this" i honestly admitted making his whole posture drop. "i can't continue to hurt myself because a part of me cares about you, i'm sorry" .

"but i won't hurt you anymore" he started to beg, showing his week side. "you always say that mar" i felt tears forming with anger. "but i mean it" he really started to become desperate. i had no words, but emotions flooded my system.

"no, not doing this" i scoffed, letting the anger take control. "can we do this somewhere else?" he pleaded "no" i quickly responded. the response was out of fear, for some reason i thought he would physically hurt me.

my own thoughts scared me honestly, i cant even deal with them. "fucks sake" i groaned, maybe i was just overreacting and it was gonna be a quick little civil talk. yeah, yeah, that's what it was gonna be.

"fine"

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a/n: 1/4