Smoke // castano

𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝟱𝟰.

𝗽𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝟱𝟰.
______________________________________________

he didn't have any. of course.

i had to revolt to the only thing left, cigarettes.
i never had fancied them, but it would have to do.

anything would be a distraction right now, from mar, from life at this point honestly. the smoke that flowed around my head in the most angelic way, was mine.

the drug infused stick sat right between my two fingers as i complicated life to it's greatest extent. i went back in forth, accusing myself, and than everyone else for my problems. even though i knew damn well it was mine.

i might have been influenced to think things, but i made my own choices.

some part of me was scolding me to leave, but i was frozen in my place. possibly it was the smoke fumes that i was addicted to, or the slightest chance it was the boy i was addicted to.

my hand brought it back to my mouth, and i wrap my lips around the end. deeply i inhale through the filter, filling my lungs. it felt like a natural thing to do at this point. i knew exactly how much i could take without even having to think twice about it.

the process wasn't the most pleasurable feeling, but the after math made up for it. bringing it away from my mouth once again, letting the smoke completely leave my mouth with a chalky after taste. not even that taste could compare to the pain that filled my body.

the pain didn't come from the drugs, it came from the emotion. some sort of smoking usually blocks them out, but right now they could not be more visible. my highlighted feelings were the worst part of the moment. once again, spiraling thoughts contributed a lot to it.

"drugs are bad for you"

"says the one who sells them away to innocent teenagers"

i turned my head to face him. felt nothing. turned back around again.

"i do it so i can survive" he justified his illegal actions.

"ever heard of mcdonald's" i mumbled under my breath.

"not as fun"

i chucked to myself "so don't judge me on my fun".

"it's not fun when the goal is to hurt yourself"

how come simple words can hit you harder than a moving car. it's like your heart has certain phrases that can touch it, and he had the key.

"it's just a distraction" i honestly lied.

"a distraction that leads to a path of destruction"

"so be it"

"destruction" didn't feel like it was so far down the road. whatever feeling i had that was keeping me above water, wasn't gonna hold on much longer.

"i'm not gonna let you do this to yourself" his deep voice and sudden touch made me whole body shiver.

my bottom lip was glued to the top, preventing me from making and sound. atleast that's what it felt like.
i wasn't nervous, i simply just didn't have anything to say.

a let out a little hum, indicating i heard what he said. two people who couldn't be be opposite, found so much in common.

they felt the need for each other.

the touch left my side and ventured over to the pack of cigars that were sitting to the left of my elbow. slowly sliding one out, he reached for the lighter with his free hand.