Missing You

Chapter Five: Nightclub Confessions

"You need to losen up a bit Dean. You're too tense. If you overthink this then you're going to write the wrong thing. So relax." They had rented a motel room with two double beds but after dropping their bags off had found their way to a bar down the street. He was looking around nervously. "This isn't exactly the kind of place I usually vist. This is bordering on being a nightclub." He complained. "So what? It has beer and bourbon, right?" She asked. Begrudgingly he nodded. "Good. So, what exactly is it you want to say to him?" She asked as the bartender delivered the first of their shots. He threw his back and pulled out his phone. "I don't have a freaking clue." He looked up at her and she saw so much emotion in those green eyes that it broke her heart. He was confused and frustrated. She just had to ease him into it. "Ok, so let's start with his question. He wants to know why you miss him. So let's talk about the meaning behind those words instead of the question itself. Obviously he wants to know why you miss him, but there is a deeper question there as well. He wants to know if you only miss him or if you need him. I think he was afraid to openly admit he misses you two. It's no wonder you two have been dancing around one another all these years. You're both emotionally constipated. It's a match made in heaven." She said dryly. Dean frowned at her and tossed back a second shot. "Of course I need him." He said. "Good, that's a start. But why?" She sat expectantly. She still hadn't touched her shots so he grabbed one and drank it. She let him. He turned the question over in his head for a long time. "Because...he's Cas." He knew the answer was stupid, but he didn't know how to put how he really felt into words. Charlie tapped her fingers on the bar as she thought. "Ok, so tell me some of the things that you miss the most about him." She leaned her elbow on the bar and waited for him to talk. He took another of her shots and drank it. He was starting to feel a buzz and his tongue was beginning to losen up. "He has the bluest freaking eyes, you know? Like you can seriously get lost in them. I've never seen eyes like that before. When he gets mad it's like fire and brimstone shining in them. It's hot." He gave her a little smile, completely unaware of how much information he was actually providing. He took another shot. "Keep going." She encouraged. "He just gets me, and he doesn't hate me when I'm the biggest fucking dick to him. No, he gets hurt, and that makes it worse, but that makes me want to be a better man. It makes me want to treat him better, you know? I don't want to push him away anymore. I'm tired of pushing people away. I just need him in my life, but if he doesn't want that, well, I don't know what to do then. I guess I'll go back to Kansas and be a miserable bastard for the rest of my God forsaken life. I know with all the shit I've done I don't deserve happiness. I've hurt so many people, done so much wrong, but he always kept me going. Even when Sam gave up on me Cas never did. He gave me hope." Tears were brimming in his eyes and he blinked, forcing them to spill down his cheeks but he didn't notice. " But I need him in my life. I'm nothing without him Charlie, can't you see that? My life is nothing without him." He reached for another shot but she pulled it out of his reach. "I get it Dean, I do. Come on, let's get you back to the motel so you can sleep this off." She slapped money on the counter and helped Dean to his feet. They made it outside to the car but she had to wrestle the keys away from him when he tried to insist that he was alright to drive. "Like hell you are." She said as she shoved him into the passenger seat and then slid behind the wheel. He was asleep, having fallen over in his seat on the ride to the motel and she had to shake him awake once they got there. Once inside the room she gave him one good push and he fell backwards onto the bed, asleep again almost before his head hit the pillow. She pulled his boots off and pulled the blanket over him before snagging his phone from his pocket. He might hate her for this in the morning or he might not. Hopefully he would spend the next ten years thanking her for what she was about to do.