Missing You

Chapter Ten: No Holding Back

Cas:

He got off work as usual at six, passing his keys on to the night shift before heading out. He got as far as the sidewalk before he had his phone out. Now would be the perfect time to call Dean, as he made the walk back to the Center. There had been no further emails from Dean since his response about the mark earlier. He was waiting for Cas to make the next move. He looked up, studying the blue sky above and wondering if he was making the right decision or not. Damn it if he didn't love Dean. With a deep breath he selected the number from his meager phone list and selected call. He put it to his ear and waited.

Dean:

From where he sat in the Impala three quarters of the way down the block he could see that Cas had his phone out again and was contemplating what to do with it. He was filled with a nervous energy when Cas simply pressed a button and put the phone to his ear. "He's calling you!" Charlie squealed. "Shhh" He pulled his phone from his pocket as it began to ring. Without hesitation he clicked accept and put it to his ear. "Hey Cas." There was silence for a moment on the other end before that familiar gravely voice came through on the line. "Hello Dean." Dean leaned his head back and closed his eyes, forgetting momentarily that Charlie was in the car with him. "Took you long enough to call." He kept his tone gentle, not wanting to upset Cas. "I'm sorry, I have a job, this was the first chance I had to make a call." Cas said. "You don't have to explain anything to me. I'm just glad you did." Dean told him. "How have you been?" Thinking Dean couldn't see him Cas shrugged. "Just working. I send money to Claire every month. It's the right thing to do after everything she's been through. She's doing better so I like to think I helped with that." "I'd do the same if I were in your shoes." Dean said. "What have you been doing Dean?" He asked. "There have been cases, but not as many. Mostly I've been doing odd jobs around the bunker and driving Sam nuts. I get on his nerves." Dean gave a low chuckle. "Why is that?" Cas asked. "Because it's not the same without you there. It's not really home." He was surprised by how easily the words spilled forth, and how honest they really were. Cas was so quiet for a second that Dean though he had scared him. "I have missed you Dean. You and Sam both." Dean could tell he was being careful with his words. He was afraid of rejection. Even after the emails they'd exchanged he was scared Dean wouldn't want him. When and how did a mighty former angel of the Lord develop such a low self esteem? "Cas, you know we miss you, I miss you. I want you to come home. Will you come home?" There was a soft pleading in his voice he was unable to mask. Geez, when had he become so soft? Cas sighed on the other end of the line. "Dean, I've made a life here. It's not something I can just walk away from." Dean could feel a lump forming in his throat and the ache in his chest intensified. "I know. I get that but..." He didn't know how to just say that he needed him to come home because he loved him and couldn't live without him. Of course Cas was never one to let things just drop. "But what Dean?" Dean took a deep breath and rubbed at the tears that were blurring his vision. He decide just to say it. At least then it would be off his chest. "I want you to come home because I love you Cas, and I need you in my life, and if that isn't enough, I don't know what is." Cas had started walking away from where they had parked, moving slowly as he talked but he came to a dead halt at hearing those words. He leaned against the side of the school as though his legs were too weak to keep him upright. "Do you really mean that?" Cas' voice was small but full of hope. "How well do you know me Cas? How many people have you heard me say those words to?" Dean asked. Cas sighed again. "I've never heard you say it to anyone." "That's because they're words that carry heavy meaning and should not be thrown around lightly. I only say them when I absolutely mean them, and I've never meant them more than I do right this minute. Cas, I love you, it just took me way too long to realize just how much, and for that I'm sorry. If you want to stay where you are, I'll leave you alone, let you get on with this new life of yours, but I needed to tell you. I needed you to know how I really feel." He took a deep breath. That was the most he had shared with another person in probably his entire life. He didn't even have these kinds of talks with his brother. Cas was very quiet again and Dean could see him staring up into trees above whare he was standing. What he couldn't see from this distance was that the dark haired man was crying. "You still with me Cas?" He asked softly. "I'm here. I just wish you were here with me." Cas replied. Dean say straight up. "You do?" "Yes Dean, I do. But you're so far away..." "Cas, do you trust me?" Dean opened the car door quietly and stepped into the street. Cas was still staring up into the trees, not noticing the man walking towards him. "Yes, I do." Cas replied without hesitation. "And you trust that I love you?" Dean asked. Again without hesitation Cas replied "Yes." "Then I want you to close your eyes and make a wish." Cas still hadn't spotted him but Dean could see how Cas' head tilted. "Why?" "Why do you have to question everything? Just do it." Dean waited until he saw Cas' eyes close and then hurried the last few feet until he was standing in front of Cas. "Open your eyes." He said and watched as those blue eyes flew open. The phone almost fell out of his hand as his mouth gaped open. Immediately his eyes flew upward, as though Dean could only be there by divine intervention. Dean tucked his phone into his pocket. "How are you here? It's not possible!" Cas reached out, placing a hand tentatively on Dean's chest. Dean put his hand over Cas' and squeezed gently. "I wasn't dropped off by angels, if that's what you were thinking. I'm here because I drove like an idiot to come see you. Do you know that I had no idea if you were even dead or alive? It was killing me not knowing, and I had no idea where to even look for you either. Thanks to a friend with better tech skills than Sam I found you were here. I didn't exactly want to tell you over the phone that I loved you, but you really didn't give me much of a choice." He could feel how Cas was trembling so he closed the distance and pulled Cas into a hug, wrapping the smaller man in a tight hug. Cas hugged him back just as tight.

Charlie:

From her seat in the Impala Charlie watched all of this with a smug smile plastered on her face. She pulled out her phone and dialed Sam's number. He answered almost immediately. "What's the verdict?" He asked. "Your brother told Cas he loves him, and more than once too. They're currently standing across the street hugging." She told him. "He said he loves him? Wow. I didn't think he knew what the word meant, not really." He was surprised but proud. He knew how hard that must have been for his brother to say. "So is Cas coming back with him?" He asked. "I think Dean needs to give Cas a bit of incentive first." She was already thinking of how to make that happen. "If by incentive you mean sex, I don't want to know the details." He made a sound like he was puking and she laughed. "They're on their way back so I'll text you later!" She hung up before they reached the car and put on her brightest smile as she got out to meet Cas. "Cas, this is Charlie, Charlie, this is Cas." She thrust her hand out and he shook it. "It's very nice to meet you Charlie. I heard Sam and Dean talking about you before." Cas smiled politely and she could see what Dean meant about his eyes. They were really, really blue. "I hope it was good things." She looked at Dean with one eyebrow raised. Dean smiled but it was clear he was nervous. "Oh yes, they said very nice things." Cas told her. She looked back at him and smiled brightly. "Hey, I'm starving, why don't we all go get some food?" Cas looked over at Dean, frowning. "I'm not sure I have enough-" Dean cut him off. "I'm paying." Cas smiled. "Thank you." "Let's go then!" Charlie climbed into the backseat so Cas could sit up front with Dean. As they pulled away from the curb she noted the way Cas looked over at Dean. She had her work cut out for her if she was going to make sure these two got together and stayed together.