Out Of The Dark

The Last Thing I Remember

Date: 5th Feb

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Chapter 3

Peeta's POV

I shake awake from a nightmare I can't remember. I sit up and shake a little.

The thought of 13 hits me and the nightmare comes flooding back. Bombs. Loved ones dying.

I go to my bag and take a swig of water.

I soon become aware of Katniss thrashing about and get to her before she starts to scream. She soon breaks her way out of their dream and wraps her arms around me. A wet patch appears on my shirt where she sobs silently. "It's okay," I say. "You're okay. Wanna talk about it?"

She shakes her head.

"Okay." I stroke her hair and tuck the loose strands behind her ears, the ones that escaped the braid. "Okay."

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We must have both fallen back asleep because I wake up with my arms around her. I don't move though. She seems too peaceful.

The last thing I remember was cradling her in my arms and kissing her forehead. 

I get up when she finally moves away and go out to the kitchen.

"Hey Finnick," I say.

"Hi," he says. He looks a little drained.

"You okay?" I ask.

"13 called again. I assume you knew about the bombs."

"Oh my God, Annie. Is she okay?"

He sighs and leans against the kitchen counter. "Well, the Capitol stopped the raid an hour ago, but they're all still down there in case more come. I didn't get the chance to talk to Annie. Haymitch said she was okay and still worried about me. I told him to tell her I'd be okay, but... I just don't know how I'm supposed to help her when I'm here; I mean, I can't. I should never have come on this damned mission thing." His hand goes across his face, blocking his eyes and any expressions. "I messed up. How am I going to be a good husband to her? And if we get the chance, even, how could I be a good father? You are already, but... I'm just... here. I can't do anything. How is she supposed to trust me? I wouldn't."

"Finnick, I... Annie is so lucky to have you. She loves you so much, regardless of what happens here. She knows you never meant to leave her."

"But that's the point isn't it?" Finnick says, flinging his hand in the air from his face, before it finally rests on the counter again. "She trusts me. I had the choice, I could've chosen to stay there! And I didn't. I came here." He sounds like everything inside him has broken and faded. "Mags... she basically gave her life for me, you, Katniss and Annie. She volunteered to take Annie's place. I thought I was honoring Mags and saving Annie. But Annie had to go through that alone."

"I know. But you say you had the choice... I don't think any of us did. Coin needed us to fight. We were under her rule. Just like we were before under Snow's."

"We're just pawns in their massive game."

"What?" I say.

"Chess," he replies, shaking it away with his hands, "it's a Capitol game, old but you know. Sophisticated. Sorry, I wouldn't expect people to know that." Sometimes it's hard to remember that Finnick was in the Capitol a lot now that I know he's really just one of us. He seems to not want the knowledge, almost like he feels it's another block between him and the other people in his life, like Annie and me and Johanna. People who don't understand the Capitol ideas in the same depth. I almost hate myself for thinking the way I did about Finnick before.

"No, no it's okay," I say. "Just, please, Finnick. You can't do anything else. But at least, I want you to know I will try and help you. Okay? We all support you. Me, Annie, Johanna, Katniss."

"Is Katniss okay?" Finnick asks. "What happened to her? Why was Gale trying to get to her?" I stand there for a second, confused. "Sorry, I just..."

"Um, don't apologise. It's not your fault. You know when you all went to District 8?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Gale talked her back into talking to him. And something happened. Actually, um, ask Katniss, I shouldn't tell you. It's not my story to tell. That wouldn't be fair."

"Oh," he says. "I'm sorry. How are you faring, though?"

I shrug. "A little stressed, but less now. It's good to know people in 13 are okay. That means Willow is okay."

"I'm sorry."

I smile, picking up two cans and taking them back to the room we were all in.

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Johanna's POV

We all pack up with extra cans of food from the kitchen. It's weird having to pretend there is nothing between me and Hazel. It's painful. Of course it's always been like that in public, but I never expected it to be like that in private. Private is the only way we can truly be together.

Katniss and Peeta, and Finnick and Annie don't understand. Maybe they have their own problems and everything, but something they will never have to experience is being afraid to show affection in public, or even being afraid generally that someone will hurt you and loved ones because of who you love. 

I understand all their problems, and they accept ours. But they'll never understand.

I just thank them for at least accepting ours. Even more for Katniss, she never even asked about me being gay or anything. She just automatically recognised we were together, no questions asked.

Maybe I don't like her as a best friend, but I am forever grateful. Being accepted... it's like one of the best things that could ever happen.

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It's hard to register when it happens. It's just fire. Someone screams, and the air is filled with smoke. Someone else shouts "Gas Masks!" and me and Hazel instantly scramble around for our masks. Hazel ties hers around her face quickly, but I'm coughing too much. There's too much smoke in my lungs. I fall to the ground, unable to even lift up my mask.

Hazel sees me, runs up and puts my mask on before I pass out. The last thing I remember is her lifting me up and me getting a glimpse of her worried golden eyes, dancing in the firelight.

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There is a certain quality about Hazel; a fire quality. I have a quality like fire to me too, but it's different. 

Mine is like the raging fire, destructive and unstoppable.

Hers... it's like the aftermath. The fertilisation of land again. New growth, healing. The final embers calmly lying on a forest floor.

Maybe I destroy and she heals.

I am like the axe I have been taught to wield, and she is like her medicines she has been taught to use.