Surreptitiously In Love

All for you.

涙 (Namida) - Tears

Cup of China, Free Skate.

I messed up my short program last time. I'm so disappointed with myself. I would slap myself right now, to be honest. Because of that, I fell 2nd. I might sound selfish but I hate being in 2nd place. I gotta try harder today. I need to try harder.

For her, at least.

Our group was called for the warm-up. Finally. I stepped into the ice and took a deep breath. Focus, Yuzuru. Practice everything you have to practice.

--

"You did very well today!" Aren hugged me with a grin. I forced a small smile and patted her back before pulling myself away.

"Thank you, but I fell some of my jumps so I'm currently in 2nd place," I rolled my eyes in irk. "But I'm going to win. I'll try to win, I guess."

"Try? What are you saying? You're not the Yuzuru I know!" she said. "Of course you'll win! Pfft."

--

For the past few days, I wasn't motivated that much. I often find myself staring at nothing in particular before I snap back to reality. I'm so distracted. I wonder how did I even manage to get 2nd place?

I proceeded to skate around the rink, avoiding the other skaters while trying out my jumps. As I land another, something struck my mind all of a sudden.

Aren.

Why did I think of her? I'm supposed to focus. Focus, focus, focus! But unfortunately, I can't. Everytime I think of her, all I remember is the annoying guy who was with her the last time Kanako visited. I remember how Kanako persuaded me to tell her how I really felt, but still failed because of that stupid guy. I remember how I had to hide behind a tree just to prevent them from seeing me because my mind won't stop bugging me if I didn't stalk them. I remember how desperate I was.

I remember how my heart shattered into pieces like a glass that had fell from a table. The difference is, it felt like my heart fell from the highest tower. And when it reached the ground, multiple vehicles ran over it.

"You should tell her soon," Kanako said.

I failed.

"Maybe you should tell her? You're losing focus, you know." Javi said.

I know.

"You're in love, aren't you?" she said.

Yes.

"So who's this girl? Do I know her?"

Yes.

"Perhaps a cute figure skater?"

No, she doesn't skate. She's cute though.

"Is it.. Yulia?"

It's you.

I wonder what would be her reaction if I confessed? I wonder what would happen if I wasn't too late?

I took a glance at the crowd and tried to find her as quick as I can and luckily, I spotted her. I saw Aren. She's in the front row, as usual. She was looking at me, smiling at me. She was holding a banner saying "がんばれ, ゆず!" which translates to "Good luck, Yuzu!" because the only thing she finds easy is hiragana.

Looking at her makes me feel at ease but at the same time, it hurts me.

Before I could even smile at Aren, an unknown skater hit me. The crowd gasped. I flew downwards since he hit my head and stomach. I cut my chin when I landed on the ice because of the impact. I can feel the pain. It hurts so much.