She's not afraid (One Direction/Selena Gomez)

chapter 18

 I awoke to the light trickled in through the windows. I let my eyes shut and soaked in the warmth of my covers and rays against my face. I feel smile broadens my lips, as I slowly open my eyes, feeling oddly happy this fine morning.

...Didn't I fall asleep in the living room, in the middle of documents, books and diaries that my grandfather had given me? So how did I end up in my bed?...aww...one of the lads must of have carried me here. They are so nice and caring, I must thank them later...

Sudden flash of memory filled my mind with an echo of remembered panic. Those are the thoughts I fight to repress. I pretend that they are but nightmares, a movie that I had once watched, until they feel like a bad dream, shard of my imagination. And then I'm better again, I can breathe freely, and world about me seems brighter.

Reluctantly I sit up and stretch my arms above my head. I yawn and rub my knuckles onto my eyes. Orange beam of morning sun paints a new smile upon my face, and before I know it my feet carrying me into the bathroom, as if my mind and body are on autopilot. 

Soon enough I'm clad in black sweatpants, black sports bra and white loose top, walking into the dining room. My good mood increases at the sight of boys around the table. I join them there. Instantly eggs and bacon captured my eyes and mouth. Half way through the breakfast I noticed that strange atmosphere is lingering over us, as the talk is careful and fairly thought through.

Finally I can't stand it anymore, the air seem too gloomy, in complete contrast with liveliness of sun, which rays lay on the table.

I lean back in the chair, as my eyes go from face to face. I ask: "What's going on?"

"What do you mean love?" Louis asked back yet his eyes don't find mine.

I sigh wearily: "Louis you know what I mean! You lads are acting weird! I mean not your usual weird, but strange weird and I'm wondering why?"

Silence fall upon us. Guys gaze at one another, shrugging occasionally. I bit my bottom lip, and look around, waiting patiently.

Moments later Liam's eyes meet mine: "We are just worried about you Juliet. I mean yesterday you've gone through something traumatic. So how are you feeling?"

I stare at him, pausing to think, because he is right. Manuals would probably describe how I should feel anything but happy after what I've done, but normal pattern of dealing with emotions is not for me. It never has been. Perhaps I fear my past too much, and rather take unhealthy pleasure at gaining forward momentum.

I gaze round the table and remark: "You don't need to worry about me and definitely not acting weird. I'm fine, I really am." Smile framed my lips, though they're looking at me skeptically. I scoff lightly and speak, "you know. This morning I woke up feeling happy and if you didn't notice, I can't stop smiling. So yeah I'm fine."

"Are you sure, love?" Zayn furrowed his eyebrows, staring straight into my eyes.

"Yes Zayn I'm sure! What happened yesterday, it's in the past. It's done, there is no need to dwell on it. Constantly going over the events I already faced will only be a burden, which I can't afford. But thank you lads for caring about my wellbeing."

"You're right it is in the past. And you're welcome Juliet." Harry agreed with me.

I peek across the table at him, the faint trace of a smile curving his pink lips. He then drops one eye in a wink, instantly my gaze fall to the plate before me, as my cheeks reddened. Silence once more overtakes the air; everyone appeared to be in their own little world. As I watch their distant expressions, my spirit lifted. Those guys are family I needed for so long.