She's not afraid (One Direction/Selena Gomez)

chapter 22

I huff: "I get it Harry." I shake my head, sighed and bitterly mumble, "I mean who am I kidding? Who in their right mind would even want to marry me? Look at me," my hands wave down and up beside my body, as I smile without a humor and look down, "I'm nothing special. I'm not one of those beautiful girls, which are trophies to their men. I'm a nerd or a geek or whatever you wanna call it. I'm not lady like and on top of that, my life is totally messed up." Urge for shedding tears grows, but for now I resist against them.

Harry suddenly cradles my face in his hands, our gaze locked: "Don't ever say anything like that about yourself Juliet, understood!" The pale green of his eyes is staring at me with no intention of being secretive. Intensity in them filled my vision and overwhelmed my mind, with parted lips I can only watch. "You don't even realize how special you are... You are so beautiful, even without any makeup on. Your body is so damn sexy," he takes his bottom lip between his teeth. I find his eyes falling down my figure, while he mutters more to himself than me, "I'd fuck you every given moment. You have no idea what I'd do to you."

He shakes his head faintly and looks back at me: "You are lady like Juliet. When you want to be. Have you seen yourself at that ball? You carried yourself so elegantly, turning heads as you went. Every men in there desired you and every female jealousy glared at your way. It was so bloody hard to stand by and just watch...I wanted so badly to take you then and there. Proudly telling everyone who you belong to and I know I wasn't alone wishing that." I put my hands over his. His words brought tears to my eyes. He sighs, "but what makes you so special is that you care. You are not just beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well. Juliet any man would be proud to call you his wife and mother of his children." The butterflies in my stomach flooded my throat, when I feel his lips brush against mine.

...Wow, sweet Gandalf! Did Harry confessed something so beautiful to me? Harry...a cold blooded killer, with no remorse and limited emotions? Wow...

"Then I don't understand Harry. Why this man can't be you?" I question, keeping my voice soft, a whisper almost.

"I didn't lie, when I said that you will hate me." His thumbs wipe away my tears.

A deep sigh falls from my lips. "Harry I could never hate you." I insisted lightly.

"You don't know what you're talking about. And I'm sorry Juliet, but don't count on me, I could never love you the way you deserve. I can't be selfish with you, so try and spend more time with the lads." His hands pull away, alongside with his body, leaving me strangely cold.

His words created this odd sensation; that a huge hole had been punched through my chest and left aching gashes around the edges. I swallow my pain, clear my throat and ask: "So you wouldn't mind if I marry Zayn then?"

His eyes turned cold at my question, his jaw clenched, though his obvious anger disappeared as fast as it appeared. Once again there is nothing on his expression as if I'm just another target for him to kill. "I think Liam, Louis or even Niall would be better choice Juliet."

Sudden anger churned inside of me, but I have no energy to fight the battle that would be my definite destruction. So instead I take all the courage I have and use it to suppress my aggressive impulses. "But Harry this is not your choice to make. It is my life after all. Beside I don't have time to play your weird mind controlling games Harry. If I want to marry Zayn and he'd want me then I definitely will. Because you made it perfectly clear Harry that you won't marry me and that you can't love me." 

My soft ton didn't help one bit, it made it even worse. His cold fury burnt with dangerous intensity, as he fixed me in a stare that could freeze an ocean. "Are you fucking stupid! I didn't say that I can't love you! I said that I can't love you the way you fucking deserve it! Do you ever listen or are you too mental to understand anything! And fucking Zayn! He's not better than me! At least I'm being fucking honest with you!" He didn't raise his voice and that irritates me.