the time I have left [bakudeku]

ⓒⓗⓐⓟⓣⓔⓡ ②: why him?

𝚋𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚐𝚘'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟

what did he just say? he's going to....die? I felt my heart break. 

"wait what? deku stop joking around that not funny." 

I looked up at him. He had tears streaming down his face. 

"I'm not joking kacchan. I'm going to die. I only have about two weeks left to live."

I could hear his voice quiver. oh god. I have to be dreaming this. this cant be real. 

"but the doctor said..." 

he looked over at the window. I could see him start to shake. oh man, he's not lying. I felt tears stream down my face. 

"the doctors said that they won't tell anyone. I wanted them to let me do It." 

he looked back over to where I sat. it was quite for a minute. I was crying, he was crying. how could we not? hes going to die and he knew from the beginning and he didn't want to tell anyone because he didn't want to hurt anyone. 

"why? deku, why are you going to die?"

he looked at me. he looked at his legs and arms. more tears spilling from his eyes. I don't know why but my body moved on its own. before I knew it I was wrapping my arms around him. I hid my face in the crook of his neck.  

" I was hit with a quirk, the quirk is destroying me inside out. its attacking my blood bones... basically anything in its way. the doctors have no way to save me." 

he began to cry even more. I squeezed him in my arms. 

"k-kacchan. I'm scared. I don't want to die. I-I- I have so much to do. I want to grow up and have a family and someone to love. kacchan I don't want to die...." 

he whispered the last part. I felt him squeeze my shirt. oh god. I-I don't know what to do. I want to save him, help him, but I can't. Why do I have to be so fucking weak? I cant believe this is happening. to him especially he had the brightest smile the brightest personality, why is that going to be taken away?  He was supposed to be there by my side fighting with me forever. we were supposed to be competing with one another over who would be the best. I don't know why this hurts so much. It shouldn't. I feel like I can't do anything without him. I don't want him to leave me. 

"k-kachan, I-I don't want to go. I want to continue to save lives. I want to do everything. I want someone to hold me while I sleep. I want someone to kiss. I want It all. but why? why do I have to die? it scares me kacchan. I dont want to die." 

his breathing became fast and he clenched my shirt even tighter. more tears streamed down my face. I hugged him a bit tighter. 

"I know deku I know. but you need to be strong. I'm here holding you deku. I'll hold you for as long as you want. I-I can help you do whatever you want deku. just ask me If you want or need anything and I'll make sure you get it. its the least I could do. and deku I'm sorry." 

deku sobbed into my shoulder. 

"no...... kacchan....I'm....so, scared... whats gonna happen to me? will I just pass out and never wake up? or will it hurt? kacchan I...don't want to die.... I have two weeks. only two weeks kacchan. I'm terrified." 

I laid down still holding him in my arms. he clenched my shirt with both hands now. I looked at his face and It hurt to look at, he looked so sad the tears staining his cheeks. What hurt the most was that brightness seemed to drain from him. From his smile to his eyes all the happiness seemed gone now. he looked like he was so broken.  more tears slipped from his eyes and onto my arm.  I watched as his eyes closed and his breathing became a bit more relaxed. I pulled him into my chest. he was sleeping. I tried to match my breathing to his. I just stared off into nothing. 

whispering sweet nothings into his ear. occasionally I'd tell him I loved him. Its true. I do. I'm glad hes asleep. I let my thoughts fill my mind. all the things revolving around deku. I still can't wrap the whole thing around my head. I let a few tears of my own slide down my face. I don't want him to go. I don't know who I would be without him? why? why does It have to be the one person I care about? yes I have my mom and my dad but I care for deku In a different way, And I love him in a different way. that's when I leaned my head down and kissed his head. I don't want to think about this anymore. I can't bear the pain its causing me. 

"goodnight deku"

I said whispering. I let my eyes close, falling asleep.