the time I have left [bakudeku]

Ⓒⓗⓐⓟⓣⓔⓡ ①③: his funeral...

Imagine bakugo singing that song about deku. 

𝙱𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚐𝚘'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟

It's been a couple day's since he died. I haven't had the energy or motivation to do anything. Classes continued but it wasn't the same. the energy was down and all the student's wouldn't say a thing. Even Mr. Aizawa seemed to be affected by his student's death. After the day he died he talked to us about it letting us know that we lost him, It was no use letting us know, by the classes reaction it was apparent that they already knew. Round face wouldn't stop crying during class and she was sent home or back to her dorm.  I just sat in class mindlessly writing note's down. I need to do well in school. For him so that I can make him happy... but everything is so hard. Every once in awhile I would stare at his desk which was behind mine. It hurt's just being so close to his empty desk. It's funny how cold it is without him. No it's not that it's cold, but how much warmth he displayed while sitting there. He was always smiling and determined. I know that he told me that the smile he had was just his way of hiding his emotions but that smile gave me emotion's and not having it is like not having any sunlight at the beach. Pointless. My mom has become worried about me and is talking about sending me to therapy. She says it's not normal for someone to be so empty looking. She said that I'm not the same, she misses my old self, the one where I'm yelling and very aggressive. I wish I could go back to the same way I was, But I just can't I don't have the energy to even talk to anyone. 

I'm currently sitting at my desk staring out the window. Mr. Aizawa was talking about some hero event's going on. 

"and lastly we need to talk about the mood in this classroom." 

those words caught my attention. 

"and also In regarding to Izuku midoriya's funeral." 

I felt the shift in atmosphere when his name was brought up. I turned my attention to Mr. Aizawa. Did they actually finish planing his funeral? or is he doing to punish me to throw me into deeper despair? just then I felt something wet slide down my cheek. I'm crying, again. This has become something normal. At first my other classmates were concerned but now they don't even ask me if I'm ok, even if they would I would give them the same answer 'yeah I'm fine'. 

"I know that we have already talked about this but as your teacher I am concerned for your guy's mental health. It is true that we lost someone very dear to us all. He will never be forgotten...." 

He paused for a second and I could tell he was choking back his tear's. He took a deep breath and continued. 

"  But the atmosphere in this classroom is depressing. It's no place to put a student to learn It's hard on us all so until his funeral class shall not continue. Take this time to collect yourself and try to move past this depressing state. But before this is over I have one question. If you wish to speak of him and say kind things about him you may come up here and speak. If not you may listen or leave." 

I slowly got up from my seat. Should I leave or speak? I have so much to say. But I know that it would hurt to say them aloud. I sighed and made my way to the front. everyone watched me. 

"I-I was always so competitive with him... and I regret doing some of the things I did...But ummm He wrote me a letter and he said he forgave me for it all...that I shouldn't feel bad, but I still do.... I was an idiot.... He always smiled and always was there for me and I pushed him away...the truth is...I- um well you see.... He told me that he always looked up to me... and I think that that was stupid. I'm not the best person out there he looked at me like I was some god when really I can't think straight without him I don't have motivation to do anything and I don't want to do anything without him... But I can't just sit here and do nothing... Neither can you.... He told me that I should try my best to become the best that he would be disappointed if any of us gave up on our dream.... He told me to become a hero if not for him but for ourselves....That's why I think we need to work harder to uhhh become heroes....That's all, thank you for listening."