the time I have left [bakudeku]

ⓒⓗⓐⓟⓣⓔⓡ ①①: mourning

𝚋𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚐𝚘'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟

I went upstairs and changed my clothes. Dammit why can't I stop crying? I walked back downstairs. I stood there for a second. Did I ever apologize to him...for all the horrible things I've said to him? I never did... I'm a horrible person... If we were closer and I had gone out with him maybe he would still be here... I began to walk towards the front door. I opened it and walked out closing the door behind me. I got into the car and looked out my window. I watched as the rain drops trickled down the glass. even the world cries for him. He was the best person out there...always smiling, helping, laughing. He followed his dream's even after everything I put him through. Just then the car stopped and I felt my mom put a hand on my shoulder.

"we need to be strong.... To show her that she will be ok... so take a deep breath and wipe those tear's away...I know you loved him but we need to cheer her up not remind her..."

I looked at her through my tear filled eyes. everything looked blurry. I nodded my head and wiped my eyes. 

"ill try...but it's hard...I was there mom, I was with him...you don't understand I held his limp body..."

I looked away as more tear's replaced the ones I wiped. I felt her stiffen.  

"oh katsuki....You knew what was going to happen didn't you? Is that why you were MIA? you were with izuku... even so wipe those tear's for now... and let's go..."

I wiped my eyes and fought back my tear's I'm not as strong as midoriya was. In this situation he would tell me to smile...that he wasn't worth my tear's. But he is worth my tear's and how can I smile even if I could I wouldn't because I love him...and it hurt's I felt more tear's threaten to spill. I took a deep breath. I got out of the car and stood in the rain.

"be strong katsuki..." 

my mom whispered to me. I looked down. I felt the rain soak into my clothes. I followed my mom to aunt inko's door. She knocked. I kept my eyes glued to the ground. Then the door opened. I can't look at her...But I have to. I sighed and looked up. she has the same eye's as him. I felt my heart ache. She's crying... 

"mitsuki?"

she whimpered. She quickly wiped her eye's and smiled at us... I could see the pain clear in her eye's. Don't smile. My heart broke as I thought of how deku smiled knowing he was going to die. How is she doing that? I'm trying to hold back my tear's and I'm not doing great at it, but she's smiling. My mom wrapped her arm's around her hugging her. Inko hugged her back and sobbed into her shoulder. I let a few tear's slide down my cheek. 

"my boy.... He's gone... And I couldn't say goodbye..." 

She sobbed into my mothers shoulder. my mom only hugged her tighter and led her to the couch. I closed the door and walked into the living room. I stared out the window watching the rain. I wan't to see his room one more time... So I took this time and went upstairs. I walked up to his door and put my hand on the door knob. I sighed and slowly opened the door. I felt tear's slide down my face. It look the same. All might posters and figurines. I looked around and then noticed a box on his bed. I walked up to it and saw a piece of paper on top of it. It read 'for when I'm gone'  I grabbed the box and stood there a bit shocked. I felt tear's slip down my cheek. I held the box in my arm's and left his room. I closed the door behind me and went back to the living room. Inko was now sitting down across from my mom.  She had a tissue box and was wiping her eyes with the tissue. I walked around and set the box down in front of her. 

"sorry I didn't ask....but I needed to see his room... and I found this there..." 

she looked up at me and I looked down. she looked down at the box. she picked it up and opened it. there was a letter that didn't say anything on it. she grabbed it and opened it. she began to read it out loud.