the time I have left [bakudeku]

ⓒⓗⓐⓟⓣⓔⓡ ③: In all honesty

𝙸𝚣𝚞𝚔𝚞'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟 

I opened my eyes. My eyes hurt and I have a headache. how much did I cry last light? wasn't kacchan here? I tried to sit up but couldn't I looked down at the arm that was wrapped around my torso. I followed the arm to find that it was kacchans. my face turned a shade of red. I could see that his eyes were still closed. then I noticed a tear fall down from his face. I freed my arm and wiped it. I noticed that where he lay on the pillow was a wet spot. he's been crying all night. why? did I tell him? and just then all the memories of the night before flooded through my mind. I did tell him. and now look at him. he's hurting because of me. Why do I always have to cause others pain? all I want to do is smile and make others feel safe and protected.  I took a deep breath. I softly tapped bakugo's shoulder. he shifted a bit. I tapped again and his eyes shot open. 

"good morning kacchan." 

I said forcing that bright smile of mine. I saw his face twist in pain. I clenched my fist. He really is in pain. who knew that he would be so sad over me going to die. I sighed. I looked out the window and saw that the sun was just rising. 

"kacchan! c'mon! c'mon lets go watch the sunrise on the roof. Its on my bucket list. Something I want to do before I die." 

I said casually. He looked at me and I saw sadness fill his eyes. I frowned. I don't want people treating me different because I'm going to die sooner then expected. after all I could die at any second. Yes I may be terrified but anyone could die at any second. 

"you see this is why I didn't want to tell anyone. I don't want to be treated differently given different things because I have a shorter time to live. Yes I am terrified. VERY SCARED. and very sad. and I do want to live. but I can't change that. I have only a few days and I want to be treated normally. do fun things. y'know. Because anyone could die anytime. and do they get special treatment? no. they just live life. Just because I have a set date that I'm going to die shouldn't give me rights to cretin things. after all we all die. Its just a matter of when." 

I saw bakugo look at me a little sad. he sighed and jumped out of bed. He started to walk towards the door. I followed after him and looked around for any nurses. after seeing no nurses I ran up to kacchan and grabbed his hand. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and then intertwined our fingers. we went through the door that led us to the roof. I looked up at the sky and just stared in awe. Its so beautiful. I usually train during this time but I've never really stopped to appreciate this. 

" deku... It's not about giving you cretin rights to things. I get you want to live life normally. But just because you don't want to be treated differently doesn't mean I'm not going to be sad. Yes I did cry, and I fucking hate to admit it. But you do mean a lot to me deku. and I don't cry because I feel bad for you. I'm crying for myself  because I'm scared to lose you and I'm scared to even think about living a life where I don't get to see that freakishly large and blindingly bright smile of yours. I'm not ready to see you not here I just want to be able to hold you forever and never let you go, to never lose that smile of yours." 

I continued to look up at the sky. I could feel bakugo's  eyes on me. I turned around smiling. this time there was no force to it. I was truly happy in this moment. looking at the sky with bakugo beside me. some wind rustled through my hair. I saw him stare at me in awe. I blushed a bit. I let my smile fall a bit.  I looked down at the ground. 

" I know kacchan. I know that your just as scared as I am. But I don't want to see anyone cry because of me. we should just spend as much time as possible so that you could have good memories of me. You don't know how happy I am right now. just knowing that I'm going to be missed makes me smile. and especially from you. you really shocked me with that y'know? but lets think of this in a positive way. You don't have to worry about anyone beating you to being the number one hero." 

I felt kacchan wrap his arms around me. he sighed into my shoulder. 

"can we not talk about this anymore? or at least lets talk like your not going to die. you wouldn't talk like that normally." 

I heard him sigh again. and then I turned around and hugged him back. Its weird I never thought that kacchan's arms could be the best blanket out there. I sighed into his chest. my body relaxed. I closed my eyes feeling the wind blow through my clothes and hair. and then I remembered. iida and urraraka are supposed to come! what could we do today? going to the beach sounds fun. 

"deku I....um I I-I think I....fuck..." 

he said the last part under his breath. 

"you what kacchan?" 

I said a little chuckle coming right after. 

"I think i'm In fucking love with you...." 

I paused for a moment. I hugged him tighter. did he mean what he said? or is only saying this because I'm going to die? 

" I love you too kacchan but If your joking then I will cry." 

I heard him laugh a bit. he squeezed me. then I felt something touch the top of my head. 

"anyways before you told me you loved me I was going to say we should go to the beach today, with uraraka and denki and of course iida." 

I heard him laugh and then he sighed. he nodded his head before leaning it on mine. Just then the doors to the roof swung open. uraraka and iida barraged through the door. 

"THERE YOU ARE DEKU!! YOU SHOULDN"T WANDER AROUND LIKE THAT THE NURSES WERE WORRIED." 

iida said while moving his arms around stiffly. just then denki came into view.

"hey guys!"