Through the Swell

Chapter 9 - No Is Not The Right Answer

"Why is everything so bright?" I mumbled as I came around, hospital bedroom lights blazing above me.

"Would you like me to turn them off Miss?" A nurse said lightly beside me.

"No thank you, I'll adjust" I smiled at her, she smiled back and left as I rubbed my eyes intensely yawning. "How long have I been out?" I asked my dad who was dozing in the corner.

"Huh? Oh, like 13 hours honey"

And then it hit me, the pain hit me like a bus, I don't understand why I hadn't woken up and felt it, but I hadn't even realised until I looked down at my legs and then I felt it. And then I remembered what had happened. It felt like someone was stabbing me, but in both shins, and dragging the knife downwards through my bones, I was sore, I was damaged and I was.. Crying in front of my dad, again.

"Hey baby hey it's okay" he cooed as he was up in two seconds holding me in his arms, I sobbed Into his chest. 22 years old and I still very much needed my papa.

"I can't live like this dad" I sighed wiping away my tears.

"Like what honey?" He held my shoulders looking at me

"I need to walk, run, be human again" I gasped trying to think about life without football, swimming, lifeguarding, it crushed me. I couldn't do it, I felt Immobile, inhuman, it wasn't right and it wasn't me at all, I needed to walk and I hadn't tried yet since they told me.

"Dad I'm going to walk, sooner rather than later" I huffed, I pulled myself to sit upright and winced at the sudden shock of pain.

"No you're not honey, you need to rest. Not yet." he sighed sitting back in his chair in the corner rubbing his eyes.

"I want to get up" I suddenly hissed, my mood had taken a turn because I was frustrated, I didn't want to be bed ridden I wanted to walk.

"No Olivia, NO, okay?"

"Fine!" I yelled frustrated and upset. So I waited, I closed my eyes and laid back sat slightly upright until I noticed my dad had nodded off again, and that's when I did it. I sat up and quietly and slowly pulled the duvet up and over my legs, but I didn't look at them.

Gently, ignoring the screaming pain, I pulled my legs over to the bedside so they were dangling off the bed, then I looked down at my feet and smiled. My toes were painted a lime green colour, they looked so nice against my tan, I went to wiggle them around. But nothing happened, I could feel the action in my toes and in my brain, it just wasn't happening. Yet.

Then I was crying again, but sobbing silently so I didn't wake dad, if I couldn't even move my toes what was I thinking that I could walk. But I have to try. As I slowly pushed myself up onto my feet, still clinging onto the bed for dear life, I tried to move one foot in front of the other.

Left, Right, Nothing, I tried kicking them out from underneath me one at a time, absolutely nothing. I removed one arm from the bed and applied pressure to my leg and I felt a pain, an awful and excruciating pain in my knee and ankle that caused to make such a mighty scream I woke up dad.

"Huh? LIV WHAT ARE YOU DOING??" He yelped jumping out of his seat as I stood crying and helpless. A nurse had heard the commotion and had come running, opened the door and had too seen me stood vulnerable and crying.

"Miss!!" She gasped grabbing hold of one side and dad my other, I cried through the pain as they hauled me back Into bed. Embarrassed, I pulled the duvet over me in frustration whilst dad talked to me, also frustrated.

"Why did you do that?? What on earth were you thinking Olivia?? Answer me!!" But nothing came out I was too upset, too wounded. I just sobbed, gasped and cried until I felt almost as numb as my legs.