Jemily One Shots

Fake Drinking

"Dad!" Hank calls out followed by the voice of Henry.

"Mama!" He yells.

The two couples of the BAU were hanging out with their kids at Derek and Penelope's house. Well, Derek and Emily hid from their kids in the attic while JJ and Penelope did whatever it was they did when they hung out.

Derek laughs, and Emily slaps a hand over his mouth and shushes him, though she's not actually doing much better. "They're gonna hear you!" she whispers with the sort of urgency that's typically only accessible to the mildly tipsy.

Derek's still laughing, but he nods and imitates Emily's shush, starting off another round of restrained laughter so intense their ribs ache.

Little footsteps creep ever closer, and they both go silent as their children walk directly below them.

"Where are they? We've been playing for forever!" Henry complains loudly.

(For the record, it has been 17 minutes. Forever indeed, to an eight-year old.)

Hank huffs at his cousin, throwing his arms up. "I don't know! I wanted to play tag!"

"You always win at tag because you cheat!"

"Ooo, spicy," Derek observes quietly.

Emily snorts (loudly) into her hand.

"I do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too," Emily and Derek drawl together wryly, shushing each other and wheeze-laughing all over again as their sons disappear down the hallway, still bickering, the bells on Hank's sweater jingling faintly as he moves.

Once they're sure the boys have moved off to some other part of the house, the pair breathe a sigh of relief, Emily raising Derek's flask in a salute before taking a quick nip and passing it back. "Are we bad parents?" Emily asks.

"As compared to who?"

She shrugs. "I dunno, average? Because like, I'm pretty sure other parents don't hide from their kids in the attic."

"Well, in our defense, we were begged to play hide and seek. So I feel that gives us some wiggle room on hiding from our kids. Plus, JJ's around here somewhere."

Emily nods. "Excellent points."

"And second, this is just... it's hard, being a parent. And I know we all have, like, trouble, but it just seems so easy for some people."

"You mean, our wives?" Emily asks wryly.

"I mean, kinda, yeah. I don't get it."

Emily nods. "Oh, I get that, trust me. I mean, I'm legitimately co-parenting with Jennifer Jareau. It's hard to compete with that, let alone one with as much familial baggage as I have. I just... I worry, sometimes, you know? About how much I don't know about how to be a normal mom, have a normal family. I love my kids, I'm always just worried, I guess."