borders | ravnwoong

09

hwanwoong's head lowered at all the thoughts that went through his head. he didn't know what he was expecting. youngjo claimed he was not into boys so often, but why did it start to feel like a lie? hwanwoong did not want to invalidate his feelings or anything like that, don't get him wrong. he was just confused and it hurt. it hurt to hear these words out of youngjo's mouth, after all the moments they've shared that made hwanwoong's hopes get up a little. he couldn't help but overthink.

"youngjo?"

"yes?" he said, his head now turning to the smaller for the first time in this conversation.

"are you uncomfortable with the fact that you kissed me?" he didn't know if asking such a question was too much now but he needed to know.

"are you uncomfortable with the fact that you kissed me?" youngjo just decided to ask him the same question, hoping he would get the hint.

"no."

"that's the answer. you're my best friend after all, right? things like these can happen." he said, eyes now shifting to the waterfall.

things like these can happen? i really start to think kissing your best friend is normal.

"i don't want this to change anything between us. i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings, woong."

with every sentence youngjo let out of his mouth, hwanwoong's hope died more and more.

you did hurt my feelings with the words you said but it's not your fault. it's not your fault i love you and it's not your fault for not loving me back.

"it's okay." hwanwoong said.

"why did you lie though? i know you remembered from the beginning." youngjo said.

"i confronted you last monday, remember? and when you said you can't remember i decided to not say anything because i was scared you would feel uncomfortable or it would change anything, which you just proved wrong. i'm glad you don't feel weird about it."

youngjo obviously couldn't tell hwanwoong that he was freaking out about this back then and he would never admit it but at least they talked about it now which calmed him down a little. it felt like he could finally forget about it for good but he needed to make one thing clear before dropping the topic.

"you know now that it didn't mean anything to me... so please, whatever you felt in that moment, keep in mind we are just friends. that's all i want to add to this." youngjo said, the words hardly coming out of his mouth but he felt like this was the only way to protect himself.

he got up and left without turning around. hwanwoong didn't know where he was going and if he was honest, he didn't want to know. it felt like everything shattered in front of his eyes.

why did i even think there was a chance...

he wrapped his arms around his legs and felt his lips tremble while doing so. tears started filling his eyes. he tried his best to get himself together but he couldn't, so he just hid his face in his knees and let the tears stream down his face. it was tiring. the constant roller coaster of emotions he was on was tiring. the words youngjo said felt like knives cutting into hwanwoong's heart.

he didn't even notice someone was crouching down next to him until he felt a hand on his back, causing him to look up at the person, his tear stained cheeks glistering in the moonlight.

"oh woong..." keonhee said before pulling his friend into a tight hug. quiet sobs escaped hwanwoong's lips as keonhee rubbed the smaller's back to comfort him. "it's okay."