Him | A Kim Namjoon Fanfiction | COMPLETED

Twenty Four

"I'm pregnant!" I blurted it out without even thinking and I watched as his expression shifted, flicking through a range of emotions in about 2 seconds, from shocked to terrified to excited to back to terrified to confused.

"Is it.." he said in almost a whisper.

"Yes, it's yours. I only found out about 20 minutes ago. So yknow, good timing I guess." I tried to make light of the situation but it came out forced.

"A-are you gonna k-"

"I don't know yet, Joon. I haven't exactly had time to process it myself." Yeah because you spent valuable processing minutes snogging your ex's best friend. God, I sound like a bitch. "But.. I'm thinking I might keep it."

"I'll support whatever you decide, and I'll be here for every step of the way, if you'll let me. I won't abandon you both. Not again. I promise!" He took my hand in his and lifted it up to his lips, without breaking eye contact.

"Joon.. I don't know. Do you know how long I waited for you to come back? Do you know how many nights I spent crying while I thought you were lying next to her? I don't think I can do that to myself again.."

"Please. I'm begging you." His voice trembled as he spoke and a single tear rolled down his cheek. He dropped down to his knees in front of me, placing his other hand on my belly. "I love you. Both of you, with everything I have and everything I am. Please, just.. one more chance."

I sighed as I joined him on the floor. I swept a lock of his hair away from his eyes as I contemplated. What if? What if? I was still terrified beyond belief. But.. my love for him was greater. Even after everything, after all this time. Not once did I ever stop loving him. As much as I didn't want to and as angry as I was, I just couldn't bring myself to fall out of love with him. Besides, If you're not scared, then are you really taking a chance? And if youre not taking a chance then what the hell are you doing anyway, i guess. "Okay." I nodded.

Namjoon erupted with excitement as he scooped me up and lifted me off the ground, spinning me in circles as he held me tightly before placing me gently back on my feet, and softly kissing my lips.

And then it suddenly dawned on me. Fuck. Jungkook was still in there. Oh I've made a right mess of this.

"I-uh, can you wait here for a minute before coming in?"

He gave me a curious look, eyebrows furrowed, head tilted to the side. "Suuure. Why?"

"Okay look.." I wasn't really sure how the best way to tell him would be. That after finding out I was carrying his baby, my initial reaction was to get it on with his best friend. "Jungkook.. he's been there through all of this shit I've been dealing with since you left. He's the only reason I got through any of this.. I'm really really sorry" it all came out in a rush and my mouth was moving a hundred times faster than my mind.

"What exactly are you saying?" I instantly felt horrible after seeing the shock spread across his face as he figured it out.

"After I found out.. I don't know, emotions were running high, I'm a hormonal pregnant woman and... I kissed Jungkook." I could barely look at him as I said it.

He took a deep breath, staring at his shoes. "Okay. Well, it's not exactly like I'm in any position to take the moral high ground so.. it's okay I guess."

"Just.. let me talk to him first?" I pleaded as I searched his eyes hoping for just a glimmer of.. well, something. Anger, betrayal, forgiveness. But they were just hollow shells of the eyes that once looked at me with so much love. "Joon, I'm so sorry." I twisted the door knob and backed into the living room, softly closing the door behind me and leaving Namjoon alone with his thoughts. He just needs some time.

Jungkook was exactly where I left him, stretched out on the couch, still with that menacing smile plastered across his face. "All sorted, cutie?" He grinned.

"Uh.. no, actually. Look, that's Namjoon out there and-" his smile instantly dropped.

"I get it, it's fine. Namjoon's back so everything returns to as it was. Just don't expect me to be waiting on the sidelines for the next time he screws up!" Fuck. With that he pulled him self from the couch and stormed out, with a slam of the door as he went.

Why am I such a self destructive arsehole? I felt awful. Within five minutes I'd hurt two of the people I love the most. After everything I can't believe I put myself and Jungkook in that position. Then I heard shouting from the corridor, moments later Namjoon slid through the front door, red faced and... Crying? No, but the tears were threatening to fall, forming pools in his big brown eyes.

"Just give him some space.. he'll come around" he said as he dropped into the seat next to me on the couch, gently kissing the top of my head. I wasn't so sure he was right.

If Namjoon had never come back, Jungkook would have offered to raise the baby with me. He would've stepping in as 'Super-Dad', just to help me. He would've done anything for me. I saw it in his eyes right before I kissed him. It just made me feel all the more guilty.

* * *

'Buh-boom buh-boom buh-boom buh-boom'

I had never felt a euphoria like hearing my little girls heart beat, and it never failed to bring tears to my eyes. My beautiful perfect little baby. Once the nerves of the idea of becoming a new parent had passed, after I'd finally felt her kicking around in there, I couldn't help but feel more and more ecstatic. Now I was 29 weeks, only 11 more to go and I would finally meet her.

Namjoon had been incredible since he had been back. Every morning without fail, I had woken up to the smell of him cooking my favourite foods to bring to me in bed. He had read every baby book and parenting article imaginable. He had researched every tiny detail you could possibly need to know, from newborn to 18 months. I came home from work to find the spare room had been painted and redecorated into a nursery. A beautiful Oak cot sat in the centre against the far wall with a baby pink canopy, hung from the ceiling, draped over the top. Shelves over spilling with stuffed baby toys, accompanied by a night light. A small white wooden wardrobe packed with the cutest clothes I'd ever seen. I could tell he had put a lot of effort into it. No one was more excited than Namjoon. And honestly? That scared me. What if something went wrong again? What if I let him down? Of course I was excited, but I tried not to get my hopes up.

"Not long now baby" Namjoon squeezed my hand, pulling my fingers to his soft lips.

Jungkook eventually came round to the idea of Namjoon and I. He refused to speak to me for weeks. And quite rightly so. One day we bumped into each other at the bottom of the stairs in our block of flats. At first he ignored me and carried on walking, but after climbing all the way up to our flats, without looking at me, he invited me in. We cried, and we talked. A lot. I still wasn't certain he was going to forgive me, until I pulled out an ultrasound image of the baby and it was like all the hard feelings, the pain caused, the anger, just washed away. It was almost like nothing had happened. And I was so happy to have my best friend back. I don't know what I would've done if he didn't want to be a part of the baby's life. Or mine.

"Have we got a name for her yet?" The midwife asked, beaming with Joy for us.

"Nari, Korean for 'Lily'."