Rehearsals With You ✓

Chapter Eighteen: Coals or Clouds

Ryan did not have any class with me at all, I found out. It must be why I wasn't aware he started school yesterday. Meanwhile, Grey has been extra annoying. When I glare at him to try and make him freaking stop kicking my chair and throwing small crumpled papers at the back of my head, he would only raise a brow and narrow his eyes at me as if I was the one who did something to him. Then I remembered, technically, it's true. Compared to the . . . ants prank, what he's doing is petty revenge. Not as big and harmful.

I gulped. Seems like he hasn't let that go yet.

"So . . . Ryan, how did you and Mason meet?" Triss asked. People are glancing at our table, probably wondering why the heck are we sitting with the same person who humiliated me three years ago. I'd like to laugh at their faces but that would only make me look crazy.

I nodded to say I was wondering about the same thing. "We had a class together and he sat next to me. He liked to interact with people and since I sat beside, he and I would always get lost in conversations and I enjoyed talking to him. I didn't mind that he was gay. It's the twenty-first century, it's not much of an issue anymore," he paused and smiled sadly to himself. "But then I started thinking about him more often and it freaked me out. I would ask myself, 'I'm not attracted to him, am I?' I just couldn't be." Triss and I listened. It felt like Ryan have been keeping this to himself, the guilt and shame for what he used to be. "I felt like a hypocrite then. Here I was, accepting and even saluting others for being open about their sexuality yet I couldn't do the same because, I can't be, right?"

I looked around the cafeteria and when my eyes found Grey's, I looked away quickly. If looks could kill, I'd be dancing around in the afterlife. Wether in coals or clouds, I didn't know. I hope heaven's open for me.

Ryan noticed this and said, "You still haven't told me the deal with you and Collins." Ryan flicked his head to Grey's direction and I saw the latter glaring daggers at him. 

I grabbed Ryan's arm and Grey's eyes flickered towards it before landing on mine. He looked like he was gonna piss himself. I'd love to see that.

I turned to Ryan and Triss. "I think this is a conversation for somewhere less crowded." The cafeteria didn't seem the best place to tell this so after I stuffed my face with food, we went to library to continue the story-telling.

We were at the hallway, walking with a few students littering around or heading somewhere. I was sipping on a juice, Triss was scrolling through her phone while Ryan looked thoughtful when he suddenly blurted out, "Did you know that Grey had a crush on you back then?"

The drink went down the wrong pipe and I started coughing. "Hey, are you okay?" Ryan asked worriedly.

My coughing fit didn't stop. "What–" I coughed. "The–" Cough. "Heck–" Another. "Are you–" And another. "Talking about?" 

Triss rubbed circles on my back and when I finally calmed down, I looked at him like he's grown two heads. "In what universe did you come from?" 

Ryan glanced at Triss and a confused frown settled on his face. "Didn't you know about that?"

I stared at Triss to tell her to give him a good smack on the head. In what reality did he get lost in? Grey? Crush on me? Ha! When hell freezes over. 

"I thought so too–" Triss started.

"What?" 

Triss shrugged as if it was no biggie. "The idea occured to everyone–"

"Again, what?" The idea occured to everyone? What did she freaking mean by that? Had something happened that I wasn't aware of? Everyone was in on it except me?

I put my palms on Triss cheeks – squeezed it for the heck of it – and turned her head to look for injuries. "Did you get amnesia or some memory-altering disease or something?"

She rolled her eyes and grabbed my wrists to put my hands down. "Quit being dramatic–" I sighed. That's my forte, though. "Everyone shook it off once you guys started humiliating and pranking each other."

We entered the library and sat down. I turned the conversation back to Ryan 'cause it was starting to make me feel . . . uneasy. My stomach twisted and I didn't know why.

Ryan told us the rest of the story.

It still feels strange that Ryan all macho gusto from ninth grade isn't a straight stick anymore. He's bi, he said, he's still attracted to girls but what he feels for Mason was undeniable. He had a hard time accepting it at first, he wasn't homophobic then, but it just felt hard to come to terms with a thing you never expected from yourself, he said. How is he gonna face his friends with this new-found knowledge? Will he start feeling things around them? How will they look at him? He didn't want them to feel weird around him.

For a time, he blamed Mason. He blamed the guy for being so openly gay that it made him wonder what it would be like to date a guy. What it would be like to date Mason, specifically. Triss and I listened intentionally. 

So just when he and Mason was getting along, Ryan started avoiding him. He needed time to figure things out. Why was he feeling this why and how he should take it. Mason, a very sweet guy, wondered what he did wrong. He would constantly ask Ryan what was wrong until one day Ryan snapped. He told some mean things. He told Mason that he didn't want him around because he was making him feel things he didn't want to feel.

Mason was hurt. Both of them were hurt by what transpired. So when the former started avoiding Ryan, that's when Ryan realized what he truly wanted and what he truly feels. He searched for Mason and apologized. Confessions happened and together they would figure things out.

Ryan has now come terms with his sexuality and his relationship with Mason's going strong. He's sad that he had to be away from him, but I'm sure they'll make it. They sound so in love with each other.

"Shit, now I'm jealous." I turned to Triss. "Find me a guy."

Triss' eyes brightened. "Really?"

I paused. "Nah. I was just kidding."

She frowned.

"Why, April, you don't date?" Ryan asked curiously.

"Eeehh," was my inarticulate response. "Sometimes I think about giving up on guys altogether. Maybe I should date girls. Guys are like . . . meh."

Ryan shook his head. "I don't think that's how it works."

"It could be! I mean, if I'm curious, I could explore, right?"

He thought about it. "Yeah . . . sure. I mean, you could try being with girls but I still feel like it won't be a voluntary choice. Maybe this will push you to certain directions but it will still be either it does or it doesn't."

I shrugged. They shrugged. We didn't have enough experience or perspective to have a say on the matter.

For the rest of the lunch break, we chatted. About Triss and Adams, Liam and Abby, Ryan and Mason, Grey and I– which I quickly diverted to a different topic that somehow ended up with a discussion of my non-existent love life, yeah so, whatever.

~°~

Author's Note:

The next chapter will be in Grey's POV but I'm not done with it yet and I also said I won't be on Wattpad for a month so I'm not posting it anytime soon? I don't know if I can stay true to that but, thought you should know someone-who's-reading-this.

Vote and Comment if like the chapter and the story so far. (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤