invidia 『Hange Zoë』

10: "i accept, Commander"

"I'm sorry for calling you here so late, (Y/N)," Erwin apologises, sitting on the couch in his office instead of at his desk. You stand awkwardly by the door, Hange just behind you as moral support, Levi leaning against the wall, expression unreadable. "Sit."

He gestures at the chair opposite him on the other side of his small square table, and so you sit, doing as you're told. Hange immediately follows you and stands behind the chair, not touching you but close enough that you can feel their presence there, and you mentally thank them for it.

"You look worried." The Commander notes, calm, collected blue eyes analysing you straight to the soul it seems, and you can't help but feel more exposed here than you had in just your towel in front of Hange.

"Um, yes sir. This is about my report, isn't it?" You ask, cursing yourself for sounding so meek and quiet. You're a soldier, you've killed titans for goodness' sake, why can't you speak more confidently?

Erwin nods slowly, giving nothing away as he leans forward. "It is. I have a question," every word stills your breath. You've disappointed the Survey Corps, you killed your friend, you watched her die and it was your fault. "Why don't you realise that you saved the rest of your team with your incredibly quick thinking and actions?"

You frown, his words not quite making sense. What does he mean?

"I see you're confused. Let me explain," on the table, there are multiple reports much like your own. He spreads them out, pointing to different paragraphs. "I have the rest of your team’s reports in front of me. All of them describe your actions as 'incredible' or 'awesome'," (that one is Pyotr for sure) "Alice said she's never seen you so focused or driven, and that she felt much more respect for you after. The only report that mentions you failing is your own. I want to know why."

"Respectfully, sir, I got one of my soldiers killed," you say, voice now sounding confident, maybe because you believe what you're saying so wholly. "Whether the others survived or not, Emmeline lost her life because I didn't fire an emergency flare when we first came across the scene. I didn't give her an order to move quick enough. I didn't prepare her for abnormals well enough."

"No. You didn't fire the flare, correct, but you didn't know the situation, and had you attracted the attention of more scouts, we may have lost many more soldiers to that abnormal before you killed it. Emmeline froze from fear, not because she didn't know what to do. A basic human instinct, there's only so much training that out of someone unless they truly have what it takes to do so. You quickly adapted to the situation by giving your team the order to incapacitate it despite them ignoring your previous order, keeping yourself aware of the situation at all times despite your own fear. You killed the titan with skill and precision despite being emotionally compromised. Reading these reports was like reading Levi's squad's reports."

Stunned into silence, all you can do is stare at your (S/C) hands, worn from years of hard work and dedication but still somewhat soft despite all that. What is Erwin saying?

"(Y/N), I know losing Emmeline hit you hard, but you are one of our best soldiers. That in mind, I'm promoting you to Captain, like Levi here. Your team is now the 'Advanced Battle Squad'. You and your squad are extremely talented, Emmeline would be proud of you."

Hange, who stayed silent that whole time, stares at Erwin in disbelief. "What? She's barely even twenty one, Erwin."

"And she's a very talented and experienced soldier regardless. I'd have thought you'd have approved, Hange." Erwin says, voice not cold but not warm either.

"Of course I do, I'm not even surprised, if I were Commander I’d do the same, but is that really going to go down well with the Premier?"

"That's… Sir I can't accept this. This…" You stumble over your words, interrupting Hange and Erwin's small conversation. "It's like using Emmeline's death as a step on the rank ladder. It feels wrong."