Alive Again (Cielois)

Disarmed Girl (17)

Author's Note: It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm sad so I decided to work on this story. Enjoy, cats. Also this chapter may be triggering for some, so dont read it if it triggers you, okay? Ilysm and you are all needed. Just remember that.

Ciel's P.O.V.

I walked down the hall to my bedroom and sighed. I quickly shut my door behind me.
"Looks like I need to get ready for the shoot..." I mumbled. I walked into my private bathroom and turned the shower on, then grabbed a wash cloth and a towel.
Then a thought crossed my mind.

'You're not a full demon, you're just half. You can still feel pain, so how about you just talk to that old friend of yours from a few years ago?'

I opened the medicine cabinet by the sink and grabbed a little shaving kit Sebastian bought me for Christmas one year. The kit included a shaver, and four different types of blades. I grabbed one randomly, then put the kit back in the cabinet. I sat on the edge of the bathtub and began to make myself bleed.
I dragged my 'little friend' against my pale thighs. They were a bit muscular than before, but they stayed very pale. I made about four cuts on my right thigh before I decided to go a bit deeper. I jabbed the metal blade into my skin, slowly moving it back and forth. I hissed softly and kept digging.

'You deserve this, after what you did to him. Keep going.'

I then took every piece of clothing off and cut my collar bone. After that, I cut my shoulders, all the way down to my wrist. Blood was pouring.
Finally, I decided to dig a little deeper on my wrist, and I did. I was kind of light headed but I didn't really care at the time.

When I was done hurting the shit our of myself, I shakily got in the shower and let the water rinse off the blood. I looked down at the pinkish water and felt myself tear up.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I shouted, talking to no one other than myself. I started to cry quietly so no one would hear me.

.:Time Skip:.

I pulled my red skinny jeans on, along with a grey shirt with a red breast pocket, then put on my grey vans. The shirt was short sleeved, so I put on these red gloves that went up my arm, all the way to my shoulder, and they didn't have fingers in them.

I looked at myself in my mirror and frowned. I wanted to smash the mirror into pieces, I was so pissed at myself. I was disgusted.

"Ciel?" I heard Alois call. I put on a small smile.
"Yeah, Alois?"
"Are you okay?" He questioned, wrapping his arms around me from behind, so you could see us both in the mirror.
"Of course I am, why would you ask?" I chuckled softly. I really hope he doesn't see through my actions. But then again, I am an actor.
"Because you walked away when I told you I was sad..."Alois turned me around."Ciel, I really love you."
This caused me to want to break down, but I stayed strong and smiled."I love you too."
I kissed him with all of the passion in me.

When we pulled away, a smile stayed on his pretty face.
"I have a photo shoot by the way, Alois." I murmured, pulling him into an embrace to keep me whole. If I let him leave, I'd crumble. I couldn't let that happen.
"I know. I already told the kids." Alois replied softly. I nodded and closed my eyes, enjoying the moment. I don't ever want to hurt him again, and if I do, I'm definitely taking my life. Hurting myself is enough for what I did for now, I suppose...

"What time do you have to leave?" Alois questioned.
"Uh, noon."
"Okay." He glanced at the clock on the wall."Five minutes, Ciel."
"Oh, really? Okay." I kissed him."Love you."
"I love you too." Alois watched me as I left our room and quickly got outside where Sebastian was already waiting for me in a Hummer limo. I sighed and jumped in.