Is It Really You ??

20. Falling....

Rudra was trying to come to terms with his life ....
Everthing was new for him.
Even his own name.... his own house..... also the People around him.

He doesn't remember anything or anyone.

Though, he was trying hard to remember.....
Remember his past life...
His relationship with Richa.....
His friendship with Rishi......
But.....
Everything is going in vain. He wasn't able to remember a single thing, even after weeks of great efforts of him and Rishi both.

He was disappointed.....

Rishi was upset.....

And Richa.....

She was so quiet that sometimes it was hard to realize that she was even present in the house 

And he was trying to understand her. He understands that she has to go through a lot when he was in Coma and she was all alone at that time. He understands that she was disappointed because he wasn't able to recognize her when he woke up after months of waiting.

He felt helpless when ever he looked at Richa's dejected face.
Though he didn't remember Her, or their life together but she is his wife. His only family. They were bonded by marriage.

A very close and deep bond, tied with vows and rituals, for a lifetime.

And because of that, he feels responsible for her....
He wanted her to smile, wholeheartedly .... 
Her eyes to brighten up with happiness....
Her voice to be filled with love and excitement......

He wanted her to look into his eyes and say......
That everthing is going to be fine....
That it doesn't matter if he didn't remember anything about their life before, she is here with him, they can make new memories.....
They can start a new life.....
They can try to love each other again.
Or
They can fall in love with each other...

Again.....

But, he feels that Richa wasn't ready for that...

She wasn't ready to let go of their past...

She wasn't ready to start new.....

And she wasn't willing to fall in love with him....

Again.....

And he was trying to find the reason
WHY.....
True, he doesn't remember their past but...
He is the same person, wasn't he!!??? he has the same face, same voice, same heart, filled with love for her.

SAME HEART.......!!!!!

Yeah same heart, because he feels that he was falling in love with her......
His eyes always trying to find her.
His ears perked up whenever he heard her voice, even if she wasn't talking to him.
His heart skips a beat whenever she smiles, even slightly.

He was falling deeper, day by day.

But Richa doesn't look happy to him, he was blaming himself for her discomfort. He was the only person she loved and trusted in her life, her life partner, on whom she could depend for anything or everything. She has no family other than him, he was closest to her heart.

And SHE was forgotten by HIM.....

Her pain, her anger, her discomfort was justified.

IF he had to go through the same fate,  he would be devastated.....

IF he had to see her lying still in a hospital bed for months.....
without even knowing, if she was going to wake up or not.

And IF....
After waking up, she denies to even recognize him.....

How would he feel.....

Heartbroken....... Devastated.......

That's why he is trying to understand her....
Her behaviour....
Her pain.....
Her insecurities.....

Because there is a chance that he will never regain his memories back.
There is a chance that, he will never remember her.

He wants to talk to her, to assure her that he will never leave her alone again.
So what if he doesn't remember the past. He will be there for her in the future. So what if he doesn't remember their lives together from the past, he is ready to walk with her till his last breath from now, hand in hand.
But he don't know how....
How to talk to her, when she was refusing to even look at him directly.

If Rishi wasn't there he doesn't  know how he would have survived these past few weeks.

Rishi was always there to lighten up the atmosphere. He was trying his best to help him(Rudra) remember his past life.

He was trying to make the situation, between him and Richa, as comfortable as possible.

And he feels that Richa also trust him(Rishi) very deeply.
He was very thankful for Rishi to stay there and help them as their mutual friend.
He himself trusts him blindly.

But....

There is one thing that's making him confused.

Who was that Woman in his dreams!!!???

He often have nightmares about her.
Sometimes he hears a girly giggling sound when he is floating between 'sleep' and 'wake up' state.
Sometimes he dreams about a woman painting beautiful cartoon characters on a wall, standing on a portable staircase.
Somehow he knows that she was not Richa. He never remembers her face after waking up but his heart is telling him that she was not Richa.

'Who was that woman !!??  was he close to that woman in his past!!?? Was he cheating on Richa with that woman!!???
Is that why Richa is disturbed, is that why she is behaving this distant??
He feels that Richa wasn't happy with him, it feels like she is only fulfilling her duties as a good wife'

These thoughts makes him feel disgusted with himself

'How can he do that to Richa, to his wife, to his life partner!!??

Was he that kind of a man!!??

A cheater one, who betrayed his wife's trust on him !!???

He wanted to have some answers, but doesn't know how to ask about it from Richa. He doesn't want to open up her wounds, if..... if he has that kind of relationship with another woman.

He thought about asking Rishi but he told him, himself that they lost touch when he went to Singapore, three years ago. So he wasn't sure if Rishi would be any help.
He doesn't want to lose his face infront of his friend, not when he has Conflicting thoughts about this matter inside his head.

What if, he was just assuming things !!??,  what if that woman was just a friend!!?? 

But why his heart clench whenever he remembers her stilled eyes, her blurry face, covered with blood.

His head started to throb again...
He fisted his hands in his hairs and clenched his eyes shut tightly.
He muffled his frustrated screems in his pillow, bend his knee into his stomach and curved his body into a tight ball.

Another sleepless night is staring at him......