𝗘𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 [ 𝚃𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 ] ❜

𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐷𝑜 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑊𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝐹𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑀𝑒 ❗️

𝐼𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ - 𝑌/𝑁 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑘'𝑠 𝑒𝑥𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑑𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑣𝑜𝑤𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑚 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒ℎ𝑎𝑏, 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑒𝑠 𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑏𝑒.

Ummmmmm heyy guys....
I don't actually know what to say! A lot has happened since I was last here, and if I'm honest I completely lost my motivation for writing. This year has been one of the toughest of my entire life and it has physically and mentally completely drained me and ruined me.
But, now it's nearly Christmas, and I have finally got time off, and my inspiration for writing is slowly returning to me.
No, this isn't going to be a happy oneshot. I promise I'm working on a few Christmassy happy fluffy ones, but to get me back in my writing flow, this one is quite depressing. It does have a happy, hopeful ending though, if that helps.
I love you all and I hope you enjoy this xxxx

Warning- This one shot contains heavy alcoholism, hence the ❗️Please don't read if that topic makes you uncomfortable ♡︎

♡'･ᴗ･'♡♡'･ᴗ･'♡♡'･ᴗ･'♡♡'･ᴗ･'♡

But I, I've got a very big hole for us

I'm gonna keep looking out for us

It's been a difficult year

A living room, New York, 2010

It was 2am, the dead of night. The kind of time I wanted to be sound asleep, wrapped in the warm embrace of my fiancé, Mark. Except tonight, and every night for over a year now, I was sat downstairs, waiting for that fiancé to come home, debilitatingly drunk.

I can't remember the last time either of us had had a full nights sleep, to be honest. Probably not since Mark started drinking on the daily, and then going out to the pub until the early hours for more. I'd put up with it for such a long time now, to the point where it just felt like a routine, like the amount of alcohol Mark drank was normal, healthy even.

That thought sickened me to the core, because whatever you wanted to call this, certainly wasn't normal, and definitely not healthy. It was killing him, slowly, it had to be. But I couldn't stop it, Mark was his own person, had always been independent and individual. He didn't enjoy me getting involved in his business. If I did, it always ended in a fight and I didn't want to fight anymore. I might lose him, permanently, if we fought again, but the alcohol was just as capable of that too. I was in an impossible situation, and I had no fucking clue what to do.

The clock ticked on. It was 3:05 now, and I could feel the dread building in my chest. This was the latest he'd been back in a long time. 2 to 2:15 was his usual, bad enough, but tonight must have been extra bad. Hard day recording maybe, or perhaps something to do with Rob. Bloody Rob.

I always feared that him re joining Take That would make it worse. It wasn't that I disliked Rob, or wanted to specifically blame him, but the band coming back together after so long was a big deal. Mark was a fragile soul, and big shifts in his life affected him deeply. Having his best friend back in his life might look like a blessing from the outside, but to the people who really knew him, like me, saw a different view from the inside.