𝗘𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 [ 𝚃𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 ] ❜

𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝐼𝑡 𝐵𝑒

𝐼𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ - 𝑌/𝑁 𝑖𝑠 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑔𝑛𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑠 𝐻𝑜𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑏𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒

Inspired by: Let It Be ~ The Beatles

♡'･ᴗ･'♡♡'･ᴗ･'♡♡'･ᴗ･'♡♡'･ᴗ･'♡

And when the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

Shinin' until tomorrow,

Let it be

A bathroom, somewhere, 1992

For the third time that morning, I was hunched over my ceramic toilet bowl, retching repulsively. Any remains of the piece of toast I'd eaten when I woke up were long gone by now, leaving only bile left to come up. It burnt my throat painfully.

Yes - if your immediate thought reading that was "she's up the duff" then you'd be absolutely correct. I was pregnant. Or at least, I was 95% sure I was.

I'd been too scared up until this point to take a test. They say ignorance is bliss, don't they? The longer I stayed ignorant, the less time I'd have to face the truth: that I was pregnant with my ex boyfriend's baby.

Just the thought of his face sent shivers across my body. I hated that boy. He'd been ruining my life since we were both 16, and I thought I'd finally gotten rid of him about a year ago. But, he came back, a month ago, drunk and high on god knows what, and promised me if I had sex with him one last time, he'd really never come back. Let's just say, it wasn't very safe sex, so pregnancy was more than likely. The timing also worked out. I had to be pregnant.

A fresh wave of nausea washed over me as the thought sunk in, and I was back over the bowl, dry heave mixing with my tears. When the phone rang a few minutes later, I almost jumped out my skin, but didn't move to answer it. I knew who it would be, who it always was, and there was no way I could face talking to him right now.

Fuck. I thought to myself. What a bitch I really am, constantly ignoring my own best friend.

His name was Howard Donald. We'd known each other since I was 5 and he was 8, when his family moved in down our road. We used to play together everyday, and went to the same schools. He'd been there for me all through my relationship with Jamie - he was the one who made me realise that his behaviour was toxic, and held me in his arms every night as I cried, even after he joined this new band Take That who had him rehearsing 7 days a week.

I loved that man more than anything and anyone, which was part of the reason I couldn't tell him I was pregnant. Firstly, he'd be so fucking disappointed in me, getting pregnant at 21, especially with Jamie's child. And secondly, perhaps more alarmingly, was the fact the love I felt for Howard was far more than a little friendly. I'd had the biggest crush on him, ever since I was about 8 years old, but kept it to myself because I knew he'd never see me like that. How could I possibly look Howard, my crush, in the eye and tell him I was pregnant with another man's child?

In short, I couldn't. I just couldn't, even though Howard always said to me that we'd face everything in our lives together, I'd have to do this one alone.