Rabid Cur (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter Eleven

"Hey, what are you doing here?" you asked as you held the door open. His eyes held so much exhaustion in them and you could only imagine the pain he was still in after your journey. Not that he would ever show it of course.

"I need to talk to you," he said sternly, not a hint of emotion behind his words. You reluctantly agreed and opened the door the rest of the way so he could come in. Even though you knew you shouldn't have, given what he had called you.

He stood by your bed awkwardly, observing your space silently and holding in his distaste for how you chose to live.

Or really how Anya had been living.

The more time you spent with him, the more you could read him and his facial expressions. The way his lip would be slightly upturned and his eye would twitch for a millisecond when he was judging you.

You however did not want his judgement anymore and were ready for him to leave.

"Alright make this quick. What's up?" you asked with a sigh, as you went and met him on the other side of the room. He was still standing, not seeming to know exactly what to do. "You can sit if you'd like," you offered, motioning to the chair nearby.

"No need. This will be short."

The discomfort he felt in another's quarters, in your room, was all over his face. You knew without a doubt he wouldn't be there if it wasn't absolutely necessary.

"I need you to assure me that you will not say a word to anyone," he finally mustered out after the dead silence.

"Kylo, why would I tell anyone? I'm not some malicious person, I don't want to see you fail," you told him honestly. It was the truth, you had no intention of spreading gossip about him or what happened in his own personal time.

"Trust," he responded carefully after a moment or two. "I don't trust you," he finished, looking you in the eyes. The pools of smooth, sweet honey staring you down.

While you appreciated the sentiment and everything, how the hell were you supposed to make him trust you all of the sudden? You thought he knew he could trust you by now. If you really wanted to screw him you would have revealed already one of his biggest secrets, being Snoke's punching bag. But you'd kept your mouth shut since you came back.

"Well Kylo, I'm not sure what to say. I haven't said a word since we got back and I don't plan to either. You'll just have to believe me."

He looked away and you knew such a concept was not in his vocabulary. You doubted it would matter if you swore up and down to him that you wouldn't tell anyone, he still wouldn't trust you.

"I can't do that," he answered, now keeping his eyes on anything but you.

"Tell me then, what the actual hell do you want me to do? Do you need something to hold over my head too?" you finally offered, half joking. As if you actually wanted this man to have any type of secret of yours in his knowledge.

"That might do," he agreed, and you were shocked he was going to take you up on it. Now what were you supposed to tell him as your secret?

"I want to know who's responsible for you moving up in rank so fast," he said, thankfully providing you with material, without you having to make up some random or bizarre secret to tell him.

But could you actually tell him the truth?

"Why do you care so much? Why does anyone? It's not like I'm not talented because I obviously am. Is it because I'm a woman?"

"Wow you're defensive. That definitely means you're hiding something. It must be someone important," he responded.

There was something about his inquisitive nature that was nearly endearing to see after all the anger he spewed viciously at everyone. He genuinely was curious — although you knew most on base were too. You just didn't know if you could tell him the truth.

"Maybe so. But that's for me to know," you told him crossing your arms.

A loud knock echoed through the room as someone pounded on your door. You thought it had to be Anya this time, hoping that you two could make up. But the rhythm of the knock was all too familiar. One you wished you never had to hear again.

"Just give me a second," you said annoyed to Kylo as you got up to open the door.

You left it open half an inch, just enough so you could see his face and low and behold it was in fact him.

"Sweetheart, I've been worried about you. Why didn't you tell me you were back?" Pryde asked quietly. His hand darted out to try and tussle the hair by your face but you quickly retracted backwards.

"I apologize but I can't talk right now. I'll see you in a little bit okay?" You openly winced, just devastated that you were being sucked back into this world, his world, so soon after coming back.

"Okay my love. I'll miss you," he responded fondly as you gave him a weak smile in return before shutting the door back. Wow he made you want to throw up.

You turned around to see Kylo dumbfounded by the encounter he just witnessed. It never occurred to you that he could be speechless but, oh was he. Eyebrows raised in pure astonishment, eyes big and wandering as you came up to him.

"You cannot speak about what you just saw to anyone," you simply told him. He nearly let out a chuckle.

"I mean it!"

"So you and Pryde huh... can't say I saw that one coming," he responded, and you could see just how hard it was for him not to laugh.

"Fine okay, that's my secret. That's how I move up so fast. We fuck whenever he wants and in return, I stay protected and safe. It's a simple exchange," you explained.

Your openness and honesty, especially about a taboo subject onboard, was quite the surprise for him.

'I wonder how many women he fucks regularly.'

"I see. How long?" he asked, the questioning nature in him coming out again. Not that you were surprised, you would've been curious as well.

"Just a few months really, maybe six. But obviously it's worked. I mean you had no idea who I was before this right?"

"I didn't know who you were until you started getting shit talked around every corner," he said bluntly.

'Okay ouch.'

"I could care less though, so your secret is safe with me," he rephrased, reclaiming his emotionless state that you were used to seeing previously.

You let out a sigh of relief as you knew that he would actually keep his word. If he told your secret then you would let everyone know how he wasn't such a badass everyone thought he was.

"Great so everything's settled then. You can go now," you smiled, walking towards the door to escort him out. He rolled his eyes but got up in a timely manner anyway.

"And by the way, you should probably take some pain meds before you walk around anywhere else. I could spot that limp from a mile away," told him bluntly as he began to walk out. There was a playful tone to it but he knew you were serious too, and were trying to help him out.

It's like you could see his brain pausing for a second to try and register what you just said. That you cared enough to try and give him some friendly advice, that you were even going to keep his secret without any threats needed. Could he really be that deprived of basic attention and care?

As he left, you felt content with your conversation and the fact that you were being kind and compassionate like your mother taught you.

Did you hate him? Of course you did. Even though that had been faltering in recent days, he still embodied every single trait that you despised about The First Order.

But he was a person.

And every person deserves someone who cares.