Rabid Cur (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter Twenty-Nine (Kylo's POV)

KYLO'S POV

"Come on Ren, you have to get up. Snoke will have your ass if you don't show up again today," Kuruk said, shaking my shoulder.

The emptiness I felt still hadn't left, even though she did months ago. Every morning I woke up feeling more numb than the day before. I questioned how it was even possible, how I could've let this one girl affect me like this.

I often wondered if I should've taken the boys up on their offer a long time ago. Going out, drinking, finding a whore that could take my mind off things. Maybe then I'd stop thinking of her.

Chances are that even then, I'd still be consumed with her and her absence. There was nothing in this universe or any other that could change the hold she still had on me. I doubt she even thought of me anymore, wherever in the galaxy she ended up.

"Listen Kylo, I have to tell you this as your friend," Kuruk said, helping me lean up. "But grow the fuck up. She left months ago, she's happy now somewhere else and that's the end of it. You have to move on."

Despite it coming from a good place, I still cringed anytime someone brought up her name. It ached knowing the mark she left on this world and that so many still thought of her. How she befriended my knights and finally seemed to accept her place in the order. Just to abandon me.

I laid back down and stared at the ceiling, contemplating if it was worth getting out of bed today. I was hoping to spend the next twelve hours rethinking everything like I had for the past four months. How I fucked everything up, how I let my doubts and insecurities ruin the only real chance I've had at love. I'm fucking pathetic.

"Ren, stop it. She's not coming back. Get the fuck up, put on your shit and stop moping around. We have a job to do."

Slamming the door behind him, Kuruk left and I was left alone once again with my thoughts.

I turned my head to the other side of the bed that laid empty and cold. The warmth I had grown so accustomed to when sleeping with her every night was more than just missed, I was miserable without her beside me. Despite all the hell we went through, I wouldn't have changed any of it. She was mine and I was hers. It was the way life was supposed to be.

She's gone.

I had to keep reminding myself, I couldn't keep living like this.

I found it in me to get up like Kuruk had asked me a million times already, and got ready for the day.

No mask.

Yes mask?

No, no mask.

Leaving my mask behind, I left my quarters and began walking down the winding hallway.

"Why won't this work? Ugh, forget it!" a short young woman yelled, the sensor at the door turning red every time she tried to enter.

It was her old room. Her quarters.

"What are you doing?"

"O-oh hey uh, Master Ren. Officer told me the room was freed up so I could move in.  I just moved up in ranks so..."

Trying to keep from exploding, I lowered my hand that had already started to raise to kill her. Taking a deep breath to try and control myself, I figured I would just kill whoever thought this room was "freed up."

She would've wanted me to take the high road.

"Who told you that?" I asked her.

"Um, well the officer was told that by Phasma-"