Thoughts At Night :(

You Know What Sucks

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You know what hurts? Walking home with tears in your eyes not being able to control the flow. Laying in bed trying to sleep but all you feel is that prickling pain in your eyes. Having to sit up and breathe heavily at night because you cried too much. Trying to do anything and everything just to distract yourself but never having the energy to even move. Taking extra long baths because the warmth might take a fragment of the pain away or the heat might just sting enough to distract yourself or just because in that bath no one will know its tears and just assume it's the water. Not like anyone's watching but you could lie to yourself to make the pain easier. Crying for hours and hours without being able to stop. Hating on every aspect of yourself because you just feel so damn alone that you feel the left side of your chest aching constantly. Replaying all the moments in your head, the right and wrongs wishing for a time machine so it can all go away. Torturing yourself with old pictures and texts because well you're already crying so might as well try to cry so much you eventually have no tears come out just red eyes sore from it all. Do you know what sucks? Knowing that one single little change and this would never have collapsed.