Thoughts At Night :(

I'm Used To It

•••

I'm used to it. 

I'm used to being cancelled on.

 I'm used to being left out.

 I'm used to being the second option. 

I'm used to being ignored. 

I'm used to being forgotten. 

I'm used to getting blamed for everything. 

I'm used to giving people my best while I only receive the bare minimum back.

 I'm used to the feeling of neglect from the closest people in my life. 

I'm used to feeling worthless.

 I'm used to feeling not wanted. It's okay. 

I'm used to it all. 

I've felt it too many times to make a big deal out of it. Don't feel bad if you made me feel like that at any point. I've learned to have the lowest expectations for everyone, just so none of these could ever hurt me too much. That's why I keep my mouth shut, and my thoughts to myself. No one would care to hear them anyways. They'd say I'm overreacting or making it up, why can't I just have someone that would understand me? Why do I feel like I will never be fully happy? Why am I afraid to let go of people that are toxic to me? That's right, I'm afraid to be alone even though the actual feeling of being alone never leaves me even with my so-called friends and family.