Saving Nicole

Chapter 38: Gone

Dallas's POV

--

I am terrified. Terrified my urges will come back. Terrified of loosing control. Terrified of what Nicole will think of me.

When I step out of my room, I want to race right back into it. I don't want to go downstairs where I know my father and Nicole await.

My father understands. I don't know if Nicole does.

As I walk through the hall, the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It's heavy.

The bottom of the stairs is near. Then the kitchen door. With the voices.

"Should I take some food up?" Nicole asks my father when I step through the door. Dad grins at me and Nicole turns, a plate with a pork tamale on it in her hands.

Happiness and then worry register on her face. I don't know how to explain to her.

"Dal? Are you okay?" She asks, her voice quiet. I can't look at her. Her honey scent is already too much. I should go back to my room for another few days.

Instead, I nod and sit in a stool. I can feel her presence as she comes closer to me. I don't look up at her as she talks.

"Your dad said you like Pork Tamales so I made some." She pauses. "Would you.... Would you like one?"

I don't trust myself to speak. So I nod again as she places the plate occupying her hand on the table.

I know she's upset. "Why won't you look at me? Why won't you talk to me?"

I grab the plate, standing up and avoiding her anxious gaze. She grabs my elbow when I turn to head to my room and I hiss. This isn't working.

"Dal?"

I meet her gaze and she stops. We stay there for a moment, looking at each other, and then I go to my room.

--

Later, after I'm done eating, I set my food on my desk. I don't feel like going back down there. I'm not strong enough.

Instead, I lay on my bed on my back. I want to sleep this ache in me away. If it was a perfect world, I'd Mark her. But I can't. Not now. Not now. I won't do that to her.

My eyes close when they grow tired of staring at the ceiling. I must be in a deep sleep away from reality when I finally realize someone's sitting on my bed next to me. I peek one eye open.

Nicole.

Her hand rests on my shin. My skin itches at her touch.

"Nicole. You really need to leave." I mumble quietly. She looks at me.

"I'm not going to."

I grunt and look up at the ceiling, trying to push away my instincts.

"Why don't you just do it?" She asks, tilting her head.

"Oh, Nicole. You have no idea what you're asking." I let out a humorless chuckle.

She tilts her head.

"Just answer."

"I can't. I mean won't. Can't. I just can't. Not right now. We are fifteen and I don't want to do that to you."

"Do you want to?"

Without hesitation, I answer almost as soon as she asks. "Yes. Badly. Everything aches."

"Then do it, Dallas." I hiss again, propping myself up on my elbows.

"No. I can't, Nicole. I don't want..." I break off.