Life Ran Into Me

Inhumane living conditions

While leaving the courtroom, Spazz stopped me down the hallway. I thought he stopped me to talk his shit about putting him on child support and how he was struggling, have bigger problems, etc. But to my surprise he said "Its really time for me to step up and take care of my kids. Take responsibility and be a man. My girls deserve that shit and I wasn't there for them. I'm so sorry Lena" He said with a serious face. He also looked disappointed in his self. I was shocked to hear that come out of his mouth even though he said that before in similar ways. I agreed and kept walking but he kept up with me. As we're exiting the court house he's letting me go into the elevator first and holding all the doors open for me. Once we get outside he begins to continue about how he want to be a better dad. We were walking to the bus station so we had a good 15 minutes of us catching up with each other. "Yeah im saving so I can get my own hote room. Ashely kicked me out again." He said shaking his head. "HA-HA-HA BITCH. The tables have turned." I thought to myself. Instead of saying that like I so badly wanted to I just shook my head and said "Damn she always kicking you out." He looked down on me and laughed out of no where and said "your short ass". He's always loved my height. I'm only 5'0 and he's about 5'10 maybe 5'11. He was flirty the entire time but the closer we got to seperating on different buses, he started to flirt heavy. He put me in my feelings as he knew he could. So me being gullible and naive I said "Well I have a extra room in my house you can stay with us. All you have to do is pay the light bill and actually help me take care of the girls which is more than just financially." He nodded his head and was very serious as if I just made the best most sense making statement. He agreed. His bus wasn't there once we arrived at the station but mine was. "There go my bus I have to go" I told him as I gave him a hug. He held onto me for a little bit not too long but it was a firm hug because he hasn't gotten the opportunity to do that in a while. He smelled so good. All if the cologne he had on just lingered onto me and I couldn't get enough of it. As we let go he grabbed my hand and said "let me get your number so I can hit you up later." The way he said it sound like he was spitting game as if we just met. I gave rushed and gave him my number because I was close to missing my bus. He watched me the entire time until the bus pulled off and he couldnt see me no more. In my mind I knew I just made a dumb decision. I wasn't even allowed to have a single guest staying at my house being that I was on section 8 yet I had a few family members and now soon to be him. Aside of that I knew what everyone would think of me and my decsion but the simple thought of being a family took over me. Having a family was all I ever wanted. I erased the bad things out of my head and convinced myself that I just made a good decision. I mean he has to pay child support now so why would he pay and slack? As soon as I got home I told everyone the good news of what the judge said. Seemed like Becky was the only one that cared to hear the good news. I didn't tell them about spazz moving in just yet because it was too soon.
More good news soon came around the corner. Stacie aas approved for her apartment. They wasted no time to move out. Safe to say everyone was happy to once again have more space.
*fast forward a month*
I haven't heard from Spazz since the night we got from the courthouse he was saying how he was going to "be fucking the shit out of me." It's weeks past the third. I haven't gotten anything from Spazz yet. I received a debit card that was supposed to have the money on it but every time I called, the balance was $0.00. I grew more and more upset by the day and finally I made a visit back to the child support visit. "My children's father was ordered by court to pay child support and he hasn't paid anything yet." I said with an attitude. I know it wasn't her fault, she just works there but everyone working there was going to get attitude if someone doesn't fix something. She gave me my ticket and I waited about 30 minutes before being called. The long wait pissed me off even more and gave me more time to think of everything over and over and over again. By the time I got to the window I was so angry tears were rolling down my face and it looked like I wanted to fight the lady if she even breathed the wrong way. "How may I help you?" She asked. "How may you help me?" I said with a mean mug. "30 minutes of waiting and they didn't tell you why I'm here?" They had me fucked up. "Im sorry for the inconvenience mam I just need clarification so I can assist you" she said still in profession. "My baby daddy not paying child support after we done went to court and everything." I sounded so ghetto but I was so mad that my manners and professionalism went out the window. "May you confirm the other party's name please?" She asked. "Randy Sharpe" I said staring at her with my mean mug. I was tired of her shit. "Okay Ms Stevens so I'm seeing that he isn't obligated to make any payments because he is receiving SSI" she said as she was still looking through the computer. "So? That means he's earning more money. Why would that make him not have to help me?" I said getting louder. I was ready to bust the glass and beat her ass. "Well legally he's disabled so he isn't required to pay child support." She said. "What the fuck that nigga is fine! He fuction just fine like me and you! I said raising my voice in anger. "Ms Stevens please no profanity in this building or security will have to escort you out." She said calmly. "Fuck all yall! Y'all dumb ass had me go to court and everything for what?! He halfway retarded so he don't have to help me out, yall need to grow some damn balls" I said walking towards the door as the security gaurd approached me. "I'm already leaving so don't touch me." I warned him aggressively as if I was the one with the tazer and a gun. I continued to talk shit until I was completely out the door. I was pissed off at everyone and if I were to see Spazz, that would've been the day I fought my first nigga.
*a few weeks*
It became cold outside. The apartments I lived in wasn't up to par so whatever it felt like outside, it felt like inside. There was only one heater vent that was down stairs and that didn't even work even though I requested for it to be fixed. They said they were unable to due to wires in the wall, they would have to move me to another apartment but they never did. My house was so cold that you could see your breath in the air at night. I had spent my last bit of money on an expensive space heater because I didn't want anything that wasn't warm enough or would break soon. I had my babies sleep close together with a bunch of clothes, socks and hats on and put them in their play pin in front of the space heater. It was still very cold. My babies began to catch colds even with being bundled up in front of the space heater. I damn near froze to death without the heater. Nothing could keep me warm no matter what I wore or did.  This was so inhumane. To have a whole apartment but yet still feel like you're sleeping outside. I told my sister about what was going on and her and her boyfriend couldn't stand the thought of us being there in the winter. So they opened up their home to us. Thomas refused to let us go back there as long as it was cold. He was actually upset about it. We spent about a month at her house. Christmas approached us and I was extremely depressed because all my kids got for it was an outfit and a $5 toy a piece. It didn't even come from me. It came from Thomas. I texted spazz about a week prior of Christmas and told him I needed diapers and had no money. He never responded. After Christmas he texted me out of the blue. "Where are you? Im at your house, I got some money for diapers." I told him where I was and that he had to walk about a mile to get to us and he did. It was just me and him inside family dollar as I picked the biggest box of diapers that they had. He bought it with no problem and gave me the left over money. "Where the girls?"  He asked. "They with my sister right now,  you wanna see them?" I asked. I barely could even look at him. "Hell yeah" he said getting happy. Okay but you have to sit in burger king across the street while I go get them because I don't think my sister will alow you at her house. He waited until we arrived. "Hey daddy baby!" He said with a huge smile picking them up. April and Praise looked at him funny. They didn't know who he was. They never really did. He never sticks around long enough for them to remember him. Majority of the time me and him didn't speak, he just played with the girls until he said "all that dam lip gloss you got on who you tryna look cute for?" He said getting close to me. We were already sitting pretty close. "Nobody I just like wearing it" I said smirking. I hate that I couldn't keep up my indifferent attitude of his presence. "Where you been at?" I finally addressed the elephant in the room. "I been locked up. I couldn't get in contact with nobody and nobody contacted me except Red. I tried calling you to let you know wussup but it said your number wasn't working." he said with a straight face. It was true. My phone had been cut off for a while now so I didn't even want to get into detail. I believed it so I just dropped it.  He brought up child support and before he could say something that would piss me off I interrupted him and said "you not on child support anymore they not making you pay it." He didn't believe me. He just faked laughed it off and said "well now that im out of Jail ima make up for my babies' christmas. "Alright but we have to go" I said. It was getting late and I hate for my babies to be outside at night. He quickly reached in and stole a kiss from me. He stared at me for a few seconds waiting for a reaction or a response. I didn't know how to come up with either. So I didn't even acknowledge that he did it. "Say bye bye daddy" I said as I picked up the girls and walked back home.
*a few days later*
"Ma can I come over? I want to spend some time with my kids"  He asked. I told him how we were at Jessey's house still. He came and we talked about how he's been "living outside" and "in a abandoned hotel on the expressway of Arlington. He looked very skinny too. I could see his skull through his face and lifted his shirt and seen his ribs through his chest. It was heartbreaking. He looked one missed meal away from death so I cooked him the biggest breakfast that I was able to even though it was night time. He said in Thomas' favorite chair and ate every single thing on his plate. Didn't leave a crumb behind. I felt sorry for his grown ass. He then informed me that there were no more buses running to get back to his side of town. It was impossible for him to walk home. So he was stuck on this side late at night. So I called and asked thomas if he could stay the night. Thomas expressed that "he didn't have it in his heart to let him close one eye under his roof and if he saw him he'd probably shoot him." Aww shit time to go I thought. And Spazz was sitting in his favorite chair when he said that. Luckily it wasn't cold any more so I suggested we all just go back to my house. He helped carry the belongings we brought to Jessey's house while I put the girls in their stroller and we walked a mile back to my house. Once we got to my house I noticed he had a book bag with "spending the night" essentials. So I asked if he expected to stay. He responded "No I wasn't thinking when I came so late I just really wanted to see my girls. I been going through somw tough shit not having no where to stay and not knowing when my next meal, holding my girls make a nigga feel happy." The girls were sleep already so I put them in their play pin and blew up the air mattress me and Spazz went straight to sleep on. No sex no more talking. Just held each other and drifted off