Life Ran Into Me

Excuses

I waited nervously for him to come back. I wanted to take the pill the moment he would walk in the door. All I could think about is what my life would be like if I had two more kids.... Even one. I would be so miserable and disappointed in myself. I spent all day on YouTube looking at newborns like I did with my first pregnancy. Only this time I wasn't watching it in adoration. I was watching it in fear. It got closer to 5, the time he said he would be back. So I bathed the girls, showered and cooked. This time I cooked well. I took my my time with it. Finally when he got back, he wasn't as excited to see me as when he first came. He only smirked a little. Enough to know that the vibe is still good but not as good as when he first came. He dragged in his suitcase and a over stuffed tote bag on his shoulder. "Coco! Hey coco!" The girls screamed as they ran up to him giving him hugs. He sat down to unpack some clothes so he could shower. The girls started to give him kisses on the cheek. I'm not sure why they are so fond of him. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he was there for some time during my pregnancy. "No no. No kisses mama" I stopped them.  "Kids love me foreal. There ain't no kid I met that doesn't like me." He said laughing. Knowing my kids liked him made it so much more comfortable for me. Even though he's stolen money from me once, I trusted him around my kids. More than I trusted their own dad. He's done way worse on numerous occasions. The fact that Coco has a daughter on his own not too far younger than them, he knows how to deal with baby girls on a daily basis. I sat down next to him and looked him in his eyes. "You need help with something?" It was just to start conversation but also genuine. "Nah I got it im just bout to get some shit out and shower" he said as he grabbed some gym shorts and a solid black shirt and headed to the bathroom. "Okay. Well just let me know if you need anything." I got the girls ready for bed because I didn't want them in the way while me and Coco had this serious talk I was preparing for once he got out the shower. Thankfully he takes a long time in the shower so I had just enough time to get it done without rushing. He peeked his head out of the bathroom to check the hallway where I happened to be walking through at the moment. "It's okay you cam come out, they sleep." I was waiting to see some naked ass cheeks. He closed the door and wrapped the towel around him as all the steam came out with him. "With yo sexy self, you gained some weight" I said touching on his chest. I was about to go in for a kiss but for some reason, I couldn't do it. He laughed in a shy manner, maybe even embarrassed a little. But I didn't mean harm by it, just the blunt truth. That's how we are. He patted his self dry as we entered the room. I sat on the bed and watched him get dressed. "Why you staring at me" he said smiling. He got on the bed and sat right in front of me. "Im just looking. How was your day?" I replied. "Shit was long as fuck."
"Oh okay what did your boss say about you being on the westside? You ready?"
"Im a grown ass man I don't gotta tell that nigga nothin. He pulled out a mason jar full of weed and blunts from out of his book bag. "Hold on let me close the window cause we not allowed to be smoking in the house or on the property at all. I could get in trouble. "Its night time though the office closed" he said as he continued to break down his weed. Closed the window and let the blinds down. "Yeah which is why im not tripping but this still gotta be closed cause I don't want nobody to complain that they seen you smoking or smell the weed. But during the day, you cant smoke here at all." I said sitting back down in front of him. "Ima be at work all day" he responded. I couldn't hold back any longer. "So you got the pill?" I asked crossing my legs. He looked at me as if he was nervous. "Why you looking like that?" I got really concerned. I felt my attitude coming on. "I fucked up" he said shaking his head. "Mannn what you mean" I said in a aggravated manner. "On my way back I think I left that shit on the bus." He said looking at me seriously. "How the fuck did you leave it on the bus!?" He kept his cool as I started to get irritated. "Ion know I had the shit in my pocket but I don't have it no more. It probably fell out when I sat down. My temper was rising because I was scared about being pregnant. This was going to be day 2 out of 3 days that the pill could work and here we were wasting time. But more of because I knew he was lying. I could tell he didn't even put much thought into his lie because it was shitty. "Okay well where is the change? Im about to walk to CVS right now and get one." I said with my hand out. He gave me that same dumb ass look. I already knew he had some excuse for that too. "Bruh you fuckin lying" I was so upset at this point I wanted to cry. "I told you I had to get some stuff done today. I used the rest to buy a buss pass for the month and some weed." He started to defend his self. "You had your own money! Why would you spend mine?!" I said raising my voice. He started talking while try to hold the smoke his mouth "I didn't have enough. Don't trip though" he exhaled the smoke as I cleared my personal air. I could get super high off of contact alone. I didn't want that at all. "You know ima give it all back to you when I get paid. Otherwise I wouldn't be here . ima get like 500 and give it back to you and pay the light bill" he continued. I was so aggravated that I didn't even want to yell at him anymore and go back and forth. "Whatever" I said as I turned off the light and wrapped my self in the blanket taking almost all of it. He continued to smoke in the dark. "Can I use your phone" he asked. "Leave me alone" I replied. "Well can you at least set your alarm to 4am so I can get up for work on time" I didn't say anything I just set the alarm and turned around. I was so upset, I couldn't sleep. I felt him slide under the cover with me. "Can I get some cover?" He asked hovering over me with his hand around me. I still didn't say anything. I didn't want to be bothered. I gave it all to him and got another one.