Drawn To You

•49•

I wake up, and don't even bother turning on my phone because I know I'll just see a million texts from him. I really can't start my day off like that..  I know that if he apologizes, and gushes to me about how much he loves me, I won't be able to say no. I'm not strong enough.
I grab my laptop off the bedside table, and open it to send an email to my professors that I'm sick and won't be coming to classes today. As I type out the emails, I look at the Chanel bracelet on my wrist, it's beauty no longer visible to me, as it's now just a reminder of the pain. I take it off my wrist, and throw it across the room.
My doorbell rings, and I hesitantly get up to go answer it. I have a weird feeling.. if it's him I'm gonna loose it. He needs to leave me alone.
I open the door, and see not Tom, but a delivery man with a huge bouquet of roses that he struggles to hold.
"Eliana Gray?" He asks.
"Yeah.." I nod.
"This is for you." He says, handing me the bouquet and leaving.
You've got to be kidding me. It's seven am and he had flowers sent to me?
I set the bouquet of roses on the table and pull the little white note card off to read it.
My sweet Eliana,
You said you wouldn't run, but then I gave you no choice, and for that I am sorry. I know these won't make up for that, but I'm hoping it's a good first step. I won't stop fighting for us. All my love -Tom
I throw the note card in the garbage, and I angrily grab the scissors out of the drawer, grabbing each flower one by one and chopping them into pieces. What did he think flowers would do? Make up for the fact that he got sucked off by the girl he told me not to worry about? Well it won't.
I nervously grab my phone, and turn it on. Just as I expected, it blows up with texts and missed calls from Tom.
Should I look at them?.. no. I shouldn't. I won't be able to control myself. But at the same time, everything in me wants to see what he's saying, what he's feeling, and im ashamed that most of all, I want to make sure he is okay. Even though he hurt me.
"Don't do it Eliana." I say to myself.
But of course, I click on Toms name, and scroll through the several texts he has sent. They range from apologies, to I love you's, to all the reasons we should stay together.
One text catches my attention though..
Tom: part of me knew that you would eventually find out and break up with me. This is what I do. I get something good, something I've never had before, and I sabotage it. I don't know why I'm this way but ruining what we have will forever be the biggest mistake of my life.
Part of me wants to just blame his bipolar. Part of me wants to just say whatever, he apologized and it won't happen again. Everything in me misses Tom and wants him here to hold me and comfort me, but he's right. He sabotaged what we had. There's no coming back from it. He made that choice and whether it was fueled by his bipolar or not will forever be a mystery, but he still made a choice.
I look at my background photo for my phone, the picture of Tom and I from Disney that I loved so much. I start to feel that ache in my heart again and the stingy feeling in my eyes, tears threatening to escape. We were so happy together, or at least I thought we were. If only I knew what it was that sent him to her.. was it because he got bored with me? Was he irritated with me? Was it just bad timing and nothing else? I know he said he was just in a bad place and that's what he always turned to, but that's just not an excuse. Now I'm left here to wonder where exactly we went wrong..
•Toms Pov•
She's not answering my calls or my texts. I fucked up so bad.. my poor girl was so broken last night and it's all my fault. Seeing her cry like that.. it was the hardest experience of my life. I can handle pain. I can handle feeling broken down. What I can't handle is seeing the woman I love feel that way and being the reason for it. She wouldn't even let me touch her.. god that fucking hurt.
I didn't want to face fuck Meghan.. it just happened. The other night I was in an episode, and I knew Eliana was exhausted and needed her sleep. Then Meghan texted me and one thing led to another..
I'm so used to having the outlet of sex when I feel like this, and it felt uncontrollable.
But it was controllable, I just didn't try hard enough, and that's the biggest mistake I've ever made.
I splash water on my face, but it doesn't help the dark circles from extreme lack of sleep. Not only was I up all night thinking about Eliana, I just can't sleep without her anymore. I'm so used to having her at my side and holding her. I felt so empty and alone.
I walk into the kitchen, and Haz avoids looking at me. He's absolutely pissed and I understand why. He has a soft spot for Eliana, her and Haz became close friends very quickly, and he's definitely angry that I hurt her. I don't blame him though, I'm angry that I hurt her too.
"I sent her flowers." I say.
He turns to me, less than impressed.
"You almost had sex with Meghan and you think flowers is going to fix it?" He asks.
"No but they can't hurt either." I shrug.
I text her again, just hoping that she will text back this time.
"Do you even realize how badly you've messed up? He asks me.
"Haz, I somehow managed to get the most perfect, wonderful girl to fall in love with me and then i cheated on her with trash. Believe me when I say I know how bad I fucked up." I say. "But theres still hope. I know there is. We have something special and that doesn't just go away, even if someone fucks up."
My phone dings, and I look at it quickly. I see Elianas name and my heart skips a beat. That is until I read the message.
Eliana: stop texting me. Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you.
I can't just ignore her and leave it at that. I need to do something. Something big..
"Haz.. I have a stupid idea." I say.
"Tom, I think you've done enough stupid for one week." He mutters.
"This is the right kind of stupid though."
"Are you going to make this worse?" He sighs.
"Possibly." I nod. "But I have to try something mate.. shes the love of my life. I'm never going to be able to move on from her. She means the world to me."
Haz gives me a small smile, and nods.
"I know." He says. "Go get your girl."

A/N: okay have a chapter that's slightly less sad since y'all have been crying for two days straight.