WangXian: Reunited ✔

Chapter 2: Longing For The Unknown

"He played Inquiry for the past 13 years, waiting for someone who will never return."

Lan Zhan felt himself go still, his stoic mask cracking to reveal the deep pain he buried underneath. Scenario after scenario raced across his mind like the memories of a tattered old tape. If only he had trusted his love. If only he had believed him back then. If only Lan Zhan would've stood by his side. To know that it was his betrayal that hurt Wei Ying the most was like a stab in the gut. Even after 13 years, the pain still hadn't lessoned. The guilt still overwhelmed him like a day hadn't past since Wei Ying's death.

He still remembered that day.

Lan Zhan had been locked up in his room to ponder over his mistakes. He had attacked 33 elders that day, 33 in an effort to keep the final traces of his love. Now he had 33 new additions on his back- scars from the disciple whip. But what Lan Zhan remembered that day wasn't the pain from the whip, but the soul crushing agony he felt when he was told, "he's gone."

Two measly words and Lan Zhan had felt his whole world topple. Wei Ying was gone. Lan Zhan would never again see his loves bright smile and cheerful face; he would never see his eyes that held a hint of mischief in them; the voice that always seemed to be holding back a laugh, would never again be heard. Lan Zhan's eyes trembled, his heart wrenching itself apart.

He had dragged himself to Burial Mounds, only to come up empty handed. Not even a scrap of clothing was left behind. Only the boy was left. Si Zhui. Or A' Yuan, as Wei Ying called him.

Lan Zhan had vowed to raise the boy as his own.

He had done it.

13 years later, Si Zhui had grown into a fine young man with a clear sense of justice and compassion. He was also a passive, courteous, and well-mannered boy. But ever so often, Lan Zhan would see the traces of Wei Ying on him. Si Zhui's face, which was full of pride when he mastered a new song on his guqin; his joy and bright laughter when he saw something he liked; his wandering eyes, always holding uncontrollable curiosity- as if he wondered the story behind everything he saw. Lan Zhan would never admit it, but he lived for those moments- moments where his Wei Ying would flash across their sons face.

"Father?" the voice asked again, this time filled with worry and concern.

"Mn."

"Are you alright?"

Lan Zhan pondered over how to answer him. Was he alright? No. No he definitely wasn't. Without Wei Ying by his side, Lan Zhan was like a shell of himself. He once again became the distant and cold Han-Guang Jun, unable to feel the joy that life brought him.

Without Wei Ying, Lan Zhan was nothing- nothing but a walking corpse. He existed, but never lived.

Without his love, Lan Zhan was once again brought back to the bleak and barren years of his past. The last time he'd heard the word "gone," was when he was six. Six years old when his mother died. Before his mother's death, Lan Zhan had been a bright and friendly boy, often socializing with his peers. After she left, he had receded into his shell, unwilling to speak to anyone. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk, but that he just couldn't put into words the searing sense of loss that he felt.

It was that day when Lan Zhan decided, any benefits of feeling, wasn't worth the cost. It was only nine years later when a young man with a mischievous smile and sunny personality forced his way into Lan Zhan's life. Wei Ying had left an undeniable mark in Lan Zhan's heart. He had teased him, irritating Lan Zhan to the point of near insanity. He had protected him, offering his presence as comfort. He had loved him, offering little acts of care to thaw Lan Zhan's frozen heart.

That was thirteen years ago. Thirteen years ago when Lan Zhan first peeked his head out from the shell he'd built around himself since his mother's death. Thirteen years ago when Lan Zhan had finally seen the world in an array of color. Thirteen years when he finally had the courage to ride that roller coaster of ups and downs that life was.

Wei Ying had trounced his way into Lan Zhan's life, steam rolling all his defenses. He had uprooted Lan Zhan's whole way of life, and just when Lan Zhan had had enough, Wei Ying would turn into that beacon of light that gave him the courage to live on. Wei Ying had waltzed his way into Lan Zhan's heart, dancing to the beat of his own drum.

He had left just as quickly, disappearing without a trace. With him, he took away Lan Zhan's very reason to exist, and banished Lan Zhan back into that abyss of chaos and despair.

"Father?" "Father!" a panicked voice called, breaking Lan Zhan out of his daze.

"Mn." he asked, annoyance clouding his otherwise monotonous tone.

"I called you for a long time... but you never responded."

"Oh," had he blanked out for so long? "I'm sorry."

"It's ok..." "But father, sometimes you go somewhere very distant. And it scares me," Si Zhui confessed in a small voice.

Hearing this, Lan Zhan's eyes softened. "It's alright," he paused before adding, "I'm looking for someone."

"Who?" Si Zhui asked, unable to keep the curiosity from his tone.

"Someone very special to me." Lan Zhan grunted, effectively putting an end to this conversation.

Si Zhui nodded, taking the hint. He bowed respectfully before getting up. "I hope you find him," he said soberly.

"Mn." Lan Zhan replied, before thinking: I hope so too. I really hope so.