WangXian: Reunited ✔

Chapter 5: To Yearn, Never To Heal

"I know," he breathed, "But I promise you... My arms will always be open." 

~WEI YING'S POV~

It felt weird coming back to Cloud Recesses after so many years. Not that Wei Ying wanted to- he had been forcefully dragged back by a very irritated Lan Zhan after he originally tried to escape. Oh well. At least he tried. 

Wei Ying almost wanted to laugh at the shift in character. One second, Lan Zhan was whispering confessions of devotion in his ear, and the next, he was dragging his "love," kicking and screaming back to Gusu. Not that Wei Ying believed Lan Zhan when he said that. It was just that- well... he was tired. And lonely. Very lonely. The past 13 years had not been easy on him, and even he himself didn't know where he was. All Wei Ying remembered was the cold and the bitter frost. He remembered the loneliness and yearning. He remembered thinking, 'If only he had someone to protect him against the cold. If only he had someone to cuddle with, to hold him, to love him.' Then he remembered. He did. It was just that said person decided to abandon him and leave him there in that frigid winter wonderland- all by himself. 

Wei Ying felt a sudden lump in his throat. Oh hell no, I'm done shedding tears for that bastard. He can go and fuck himself, he thought before sniffling away the tears that threatened to fall from his watery eyes. 

It wasn't that Wei Ying hated Lan Zhan- he wished he would, but he couldn't. It was that Wei Ying hated himself. He hated himself for being so gullible, for being so naive as to think that everyone had his best interests at heart. He loathed himself for the arrogance he once possessed- that same arrogance that ended up killing his sister and family. He despised himself for clinging onto that small shred of hope that appeared whenever he saw Lan Zhan. Wei Ying destested the way his soul still yearned for Lan Zhan, the way how only Lan Zhan would make his heart feel. It made him wonder, 'How desperate could he be? How can someone who betrayed him, have so much control over him? Why is it, that only Lan Zhan can make him see life in all it's vividness? It's been 13 years, so why was he still so drawn to Lan Zhan like a moth to a flame? Why does he still yearn for Lan Zhan's touch, even knowing the flame will burn him?' 

'No. Get a grip, Wei Ying. Don't fall for his lies again. He's only going to hurt you, he's only going to betray you. Besides, he's the all powerful Han-Guang Jun- even if he does love you, what makes you think he's going to choose you over the world? What do you have that would make Lan Zhan give up everything to be with you? Exactly. Nothing.'  

Wei Ying sighed and let his eyes wander around the paradise that was Cloud Recesses. A grudging smile made its way onto his face. It was indeed a beautiful sight. With it's clear blue skies and tall mountain scenery, it was like heaven on earth. 

"Wei Ying," a gentle voice sounded beside him.

Wei Ying sighed. It wasn't as if he wasn't trying hide his identity- after all, if he were found out, he would be hunted down by the whole cultivational world. But Lan Zhan had always been able to see through him. Wei Ying had know the second Lan Zhan saw him, that his cover was blown. Nevermind he had a different body, nevermind he acted nothing like the Wei Ying from the past, nevermind he changed so utterly- that he seemed to be a completely different person; Lan Zhan would be able to tell. Lan Zhan had always been able to see him clearly- it was part of the reason Wei Ying was so whipped for him. 

He looked over at Lan Zhan, and saw the whirlwind of emotion the latter was trying to convey with his eyes. Wei Ying saw the underlying guilt and pain, as if Lan Zhan blamed himself for what happened. He saw the relief and consolation that radiated from those golden orbs. And for a split second, Wei Ying wanted to give in. He wanted to give in to the ache in his chest, the yearning for something that didn't belong to him. He wanted to surrender to the feeling of warmth and comfort that he so desperately longed for. Wei Ying wanted to yield to the joy and delight that seemed to radiate from his very soul. 

'No. Don't be fooled again. Feeling only leads to pain, to suffering. You aren't from the same world as him, you don't belong here Wei Ying. You don't deserve him.' 

Pain coursed through Wei Ying at the mere thought of it. But it was true. He and Lan Zhan were two very different people. His Lan Zhan was stoic and cold, always putting the duty he had to his clan before all else. Even being near Wei Ying was a black mark on his clan's century old ancestry. For someone like Lan Zhan, whose future was still bright and held immense possibilities, how could he resign himself to a life of failure and disappointment?

"Wei Ying, we're here." Speaking of the devil...

Wei Ying looked up, astonished to see the walls of the Jingshi. The Jingshi was Lan Zhan's private chamber, and apart from immediate family- no one was allowed inside. Wei Ying had originally assumed that he would be situated in the guest chambers, near the juniors and Lan Qiren. Though it seemed that Lan Zhan was scared he'd make trouble for his uncle and the other disciples, so he had decided to relocate Wei Ying here. 

Wei Ying wasn't sure how to react. On one hand, although he would never admit it- Wei Ying was secretly delighted to be this close to Lan Zhan. On the other hand, he wasn't ready to forgive Lan Zhan yet and being forced to share a space with him would make it even harder for Wei Ying to keep his distance. 

In the end, he stayed silent. And Lan Zhan, being the impassive man that he was, didn't utter a sound either. The silence bothered Wei Ying. It was awkward and uncomfortable. He wanted to crack a joke but frowned at the notion. Why should he care if they gave each other the silent treatment? It was better this way anyways.

Turning stiffly, he made to leave the chamber when suddenly warning bells rang. 

"HAN-GUANG JUN, HAN-GUANG JUN," a voice called in desperation. 

"Jingyi," Lan Zhan nodded face stony. "Speak," he said. 

"H-Han-Guang Jun, it's the hand from the Mo Family Village! Master Lan tried to perform Inquiry on it b-but," Lan Jinyi paused, cringing before continuing, "but it backfired. Si Zhui is bleeding from his qiqiao and Master Lan told me to run and come get you!" 

Lan Zhan's face froze, concerning flashing through his eyes. He turned towards Wei Ying, "Wait here," he said before departing. 

Wei Ying froze, barely able to process what just happened. The hand from the Mo Family Village? The hand that just so happened to appear the day he was reincarnated? It just seemed to much of a coincidence that it mysteriously emerged right in line with his rebirth. But who released the hand? Who would've had access to something with so much resentment? 

Oh and what did that Lan Jingyi say? Something about Inquiry backfiring and qiqiao's bleeding?  No. Wei Ying needed to check this out. It seemed like taming the hand was no small feat. It's resentful energy was clearly to strong. And Lan Zhan! Lan Zhan didn't practice demonic cultivation! What if Lan Zhan was hurt... No. Why did Wei Ying care if Lan Zhan got hurt? It wasn't as if Lan Zhan gave a flying fuck about him anyways. After so many years, Wei Ying couldn't still be in love with that fuddy duddy, could he? No, it was impossible. And even if he did... it didn't matter, they would never be possible. 

'But about that hand... oh fuck it. Wei Ying was going after the hand. And maybe- just maybe, save Lan Zhan along the way. It wasn't like he was doing this just for Lan Zhan or anything- he was just bored and had nothing to do.'  Wei Ying thought, feeling reassured by this- and marched out the Jingshi. He murmured to himself, "Get ahold of yourself Wei Ying. You and him? Impossible. You think he would give up his status for you? What do you have to offer him hm? Love?" Wei Ying scoffed, "What was love to a man that never felt?"