Tracing The Stars H.S AU

Chapter 25- The Imperfect Woman I Want To Perfectly Love

Blairs' POV

Thanksgiving wasn't off to a bad start.

My mom had the day off of work. We spent all day together cooking in the kitchen. It was her first actual day off in a while, so I'm glad I could spend it with her. My Dad was also home and helped with a lot of the cooking. However, my mom was starting to become useless because she was on her third glass of wine and accidentally started boiling rice with no water.

It has been a while since my parents and I have been together for a full day. Everyone is always busy at work, or I'm at school. Despite my mom almost burning down our kitchen, I was having so much fun. We were laughing together, listening to music, and reminiscing about memories.

"It's okay, honey, I'm fine." My mom says, snatching the pot of burnt rice away from my Dad.

"No. Janet, please let me finish the rice. You go drink some water. Have a seat." My Dad says to my mom, pulling out a seat for her to sit down on.

"Fine. Oh, Blair! Go get ready. Family will be here soon."

I look down at my outfit. "I am ready."

"Blair Parker. Please wear something else other than sweatpants and that shirt with holes in it! I want to take pictures for the album. Our whole family is coming!"

"Mom. It's like half our family," I wine out, making my way up the stairs to my room.

"Wear that black dress I bought you! You will look good in it!"

I groan, walking my way up the stairs. I really didn't want to wear the dress, but I knew it would make my Mom happy. I think that is one of my downfalls. I'd do anything to make my parents happy, even if it comes at the expense of my happiness. I don't think my parents would have a problem with me saying no to them, but I feel obligated to do what I'm told. My parents had it rough at the start of our lives, and I just want to make things easier for them.

So I put on the black dress.

In all honesty, I didn't look that bad in it. It is a bit big on me. My mom bought it for me a month ago, and in the past few weeks, I did have a relapse. I was so focused on school and rehearsal that my brain wasn't focusing on eating at least two to three meals a day. I also made the mistake of weighing myself last night and saw that I had lost five pounds. One thing my doctor and therapist warn me against weighing myself without their presence. It can be really discouraging, seeing the number drastically go down or up. Recovery is all about having a healthy lifestyle, not watching the numbers fluctuate on a scale. Relapsing also makes you feel like a failure in a way, and I didn't want to be a failure. The longer I take to recover, the more money my parents have to put for doctors' appointments, medications, and therapy sessions.

I have to constantly remind myself that it's okay to take my time. It won't disappoint my parents. Recovery isn't supposed to be this week-long thing. It's a process, one I have to be willing to be patient with. Relapsing doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a failure, but I have my off days, and it's okay to have off days.

I have come a long way since sophomore year, and despite my relapses, I'm proud of myself.

After slipping on the dress, I put on some light makeup so it wouldn't look like I had sleepless nights due to school work (even though I definitely did). Then I put on some tinted red lip gloss.  It was nothing too fancy, but I felt good. Maybe, my mom was right about getting ready and dressing up a bit. It made me feel more lively and less like a walking zombie.

As soon as I made my way back down to the living room, I was greeted by my aunt Carole and my Grandma, Nora.

"Oh my! Blair, you look wonderful!" My grandma cheers. "Come here. I haven't seen you in so long. Your mother likes to hide you from me."