Tick Tock

Chapter 2-First Tick

I looked down and coughed to compose myself a bit. "Hello, Atsushi...nice to see you." I didn't know what to say, it would be stupid and insensitive to ask how he has been all these years and too cheesy and creepy if I say I am having heart palpitations looking at his face. He looked at me and started to laugh, I missed his laughter, too much.
That longing lasted only till he started coughing. My head snapped back up and I moved towards him, "Everything alright? Should I call for your dad?" He nodded no, and soon after his coughs subsided. "I'm okay, it happens sometimes...hmm, so missed me?"

Why is boy such an idiot?
"No, I did not," I replied anyways,

"Pffftt! Your inner tsundere just showed up Akutagawa~"

"Shut up! It's sarcasm, the language of legends." I said so, but couldn't help smiling a bit at his comment.

I was sitting on the edge of his bed and he kept his cold hands on my shoulders and half-wheezed-half-giggled in unknown amusement looking at my face and I realized I haven't smiled that much in ages now. It was absurd how with some people, falling into old habits, was as natural as breathing.
When we both stopped with that, Atsushi spoke up, "But, we can't keep ignoring the elephant in the room..."

"Hmm...yes."

"Okay...something that has been bothering me, are you angry that I didn't call you earlier...or rather, that I made an absurd wish like that? If it makes you angry and frustrated, I understa-

"No...truth be told I'm relieved and happy."
He paused for a moment looking at me, and softly said, "Oh...I understand."
He smiled. I felt a pang of sadness. How could he smile and laugh and ask me whether I was angry or not when he knew something as huge as his death. Dammit! Was he not scared?

"Are you not scared?" I blurted out.

He looked down at his blankets, "Of death? No...It's not frightening. It's just regretful."

I tilted my head and took those words in. He looked up and started to fidget with his sweater sleeves.

"The part of being scared of death is more of a survival instinct. But, when I think about it, I feel regret mostly. Regret that I didn't get to at least be an adult, regret that I didn't get to see the world a bit more, get my first paycheck, get drunk at least once, watch five hundred anime. It's regretful that I will die before I even lived properly."

I looked at him and sighed heavily. I have never been the religious sort, but for once I wanted some divine being to let him live. I never really thought of it that way. Regret; it's heavy, just like death, it's heavy. I remained silent, he continued,

"Akutagawa, I think the whole last wish thing is like asking 'which regret is the heaviest for you?' sort of thing. Right?"

"What was yours?" I asked, already having an idea of the answer.

"Not spending a bit more time with you, and also not talking to you one more time. Oh! And also, not dissing your trashy communication skills one last-

"I'll hit you on the head now..." I interrupted. He started to wheeze again.  How was this boy so strong and brave?

"Akutagawa, are you scared?" He asked.

Am I? Maybe, I was scared, fearful that this moment would not last long, like an illusion or dream coming true. I wanted to cry, to find relief from this pain. Maybe death is scary when it's someone else dying.

"Yes, Atsushi, it's like I got you back as a punishment, just to lose you again. And it's like a ticking time-bomb and no one knows how long we have! It's scary and frustrating..." That came out a bit sharper than intended.

"Hmm, 'a ticking time-bomb and no one knows how long we have' that sounds like living to me. Akutagawa, it's not just me dying and trying not to have any regrets, but it's everyone. It's just that I have a stroke of slipshod luck...sadly"

I didn't know what to reply with, neither did I have to. Kyouka knocked on the door and entered the room with pastries. She placed the plates on the bedside table and looked at us, "I'm sorry to interrupt you, actually nii-san has to go for a check-up in half an hour." She left saying this.

We ate the pastries, chatting about anything but death, it was mostly he talking about everything on the face of the earth and me commenting here and there, the way it had always been. After nearly half an hour Kunikida-san left with Atsushi. He walked slowly and steadily, different from his old fast and springy pace. Kyouka was home, to give me company. It would be interesting to watch two socially awkward beings left to mingle.

As expected, the house was completely silent after Kunikida-san and Atsushi left. I was in the living room, going through an old photo album, and Kyouka on the dining table eating her third pastry. Everyone has that one useless talent, for Kyouka it's eating sweets.

"How did he seem to you?" She broke the silence first.

"Physically weak, but mentally, like a man who has accepted his death. I don't know whether that's brave or crazy."

"I think the same. He lives either cowardly or crazy, there's no in-between. It's astounding..." She agreed.

The usual Kyouka would've added something about protecting him too. Again, a painful reminder. It must've hurt her too, she pushed away from her plate.

"The last you guys met, it was a disaster, I remember."  She started again.

Why did this come up all of a sudden?

She continued, "When he came back from your house, he was a mess. He couldn't stop crying, he was scared too. When he told us-me and dad-everything, we had to comfort him for so long. I wanted to sock your parents." Her determination at socking my parents made me laugh.

I looked at an old picture of tiny me, Atsushi, and Kyouka eating crepes in the album, and said out, "Why did he not call me again? I was living in a jail disguised as home, one mistake and I would've been punished. My school was changed, even my chats and call history was checked, I tried so hard to talk to him...All these years were so painful."

"He knew it would be difficult for you to handle things if he called you. Apparently, he didn't want to bother you more. He thought it was better to just leave it there. That never works.
Akutagawa-san, you know what's more difficult, the next few years would again be painful. But this time, we would not bear the pain alone...that's just a meager compensation." Her voice broke towards the end.

I got up and hugged her when she started to sniffle. I didn't know how to console her. Maybe just hugging each other and sharing the pain is how kids like us give consolation.

The next few hours were spent cooking dinner and reminiscing. About how Kyouka dressed up as a bunny for Halloween for 3 consecutive years and Kunikida-san actually praised her consistency. Also, that one time when Atsushi and she had a bunny vs tiger fight and I was the referee who made the bunny win. Good memories have their own beauty, and for us, Atsushi was always there in these good memories.

When Atsushi returned, both he and Kunikida-san looked exhausted. Atsushi seemed tired to even talk a lot. Atsushi took a warm shower, ate his dinner, listed out the cons of having an out of order liver, ate his medicines, many-many medicines, and retired for the day. Kunikida-san had nothing specific to say, the doctors too had nothing to say other than remind Atsushi how brave(crazy) he was. No one had anything to say, that's the shit thing about death, it doesn't matter what someone says or does in front of it.

I was sharing the room with Atsushi. Honestly, it was hard, looking at his sleeping face constantly reminded me of the looming darkness. I finished off some small assignments from school before going to bed.

So, the first day was...eventful. More than just eventful really.

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A/N: I hope this turned out well.