I remember walking down the towns,
your shadows still follow me almost everywhere I go. my house feels haunted, its still owned by him and I keep a box of mementos. I remember the stories you told and the secret words we'd say, I kept your gifts even though it hurts I couldn't let them go. I remember it all better than you know. I meant all the love you's, it still pains me to this day how we said goodbye. We both thought it'd be forever but that didn't stop the anxiety crushing in. It took me a while to realise but I actually agree with you, 'I don't know how long we'll both need this space for.'
maybe it was the timing, I still had to make this safe place, free of conflict at home, I couldn't have known how to keep this one. I wasn't as strong to keep it then but I swear I'll be now, and I know when you find someone new I'll have to fake my best smile, 'cause I have to. just please know I don't forget these memories i sometimes wish I could. and I might be calm now but what's the fuckin' point if I can't take what I said back? You're a memory I can't get back to no matter how hard I try. I didn't know how to say sorry over text but I still mean it to this day. I miss you more than you know, I know you did too, thats why it took us both so long to leave. But I hope you're doing well, maybe I could show up to your party one day like betty & james? Or will you say 'fuck you forever?' I wouldn't blame you but this is me trying. maybe it would be different if I had known all the things I said I should've. You left a mark on me while I left voices in your head, I wish I could erase and I still can't stop thinking if things had been different. Two ships passing in the night, blinded by the lighthouse. everywhere I look I see you. I didn't know if I was strong enough without you, but I have to be. I'm sorry I couldn't give you peace.
YOU ARE READING
Poems
Poetryshort poems that could also be songs i thought of on a whim. most of these are a bit old but recently i was told by a friend to publish them as they're, quote on quote "not bad" so i take that to the stand by broadcasting them here. take a gander.
