I get stuck in my head, thinking how I should act, what I should say, what's the perfect way to react, without people thinking I'm strange? but who wants to be normal? That's what my Mum always said, I wish we didn't argue but that's common. Wish I didn't have to hide my ready-forming tears when I see mentions of "Best Dad" presents/cards at cardshops. I've always liked Halloween more but grief gave me more reason to be sad at Christmas, with his empty seat haunting my memory. 18 and 22's too young to lose a father. I went to work the next day it happened, to get out the house he wanted to come back to one last time, he didn't get to. I was watching you decay, you lost the time you deserved. Now I have a job, he never got to experience the benefits of, but he'll always be with me.
I think retail's one of hardest jobs with how quickly we have to retain and compose ourselves for the next customer after a bad one. I'd like to think I'm a pacifist but some people really drive me to the edge. Always smiling isn't actually part of good customer service, you can't expect anyone to always be happy, 'cause it's not that easy. We can't just magic away the bad or let the puppeteer smile fool all, all the time. The strings will break, trying to hold it all, the weight of the world on your shoulders. The friends I lost along the way, one in particular makes me scared to check my own voicemails incase they left a mean comment. Now here I am on my 27th bday, 5 years past the time you passed and I still miss you like hell.
YOU ARE READING
Poems
Poetryshort poems that could also be songs i thought of on a whim. most of these are a bit old but recently i was told by a friend to publish them as they're, quote on quote "not bad" so i take that to the stand by broadcasting them here. take a gander.
