Beauty and the Beast (Remus Lupin)

94.

Rose wasn't Rose. Anyone who knew her knew that. This wasn't the same woman who threw books, or attack werewolves.

This was a broken woman trying to push herself through an extreme amount of sorrow. Thinking everyday would be a bit better, it was not. Here she was, putting on all black to attend Tonks's funeral.

And in two days would be the one she wasn't sure she'd go to. But that's for another time.

"Darling, are you ready to go? I got Obi all dressed." Remus came in and tied his tie.

Rose put on her cardigan, "yeah. Let's go..."

Remus walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, "You've got this, you're stronger than this."

That was the wrong word to use. Rose was far from that, at least she thought so.

"You've got your speech, right?" Remus asked.

She nodded in response. Andromeda asked Rose to say a few words, which Rose first denied. But Remus insisted that it was better this way.

Which it was. In some way, of course. Rose knew exactly what he had meant. If she had chose not to say anything then she'd regret it terribly. Even thinking about it was hard.

That day was hard...

•

It was all dark and gloomy outside at the graveyard. Everyone was sitting together. There was never a rift between friends and family for Tonks. To her, everyone she cared about was one.

There she laid, in the coffin up front. Andromeda was talking but Rose was in another place.

Remus sat next to her as he held a sleeping Oberon, while Hermione sat at her other side with Ron.

Rose had imagined how it had happened. She thought about what Bellatrix could've done. Whether she made it quick or dragged on her pain just to feel some euphoria off of it.

Charlie had gotten there too late to stop her. All he had seen was Bellatrix laughing over her body.

"And now, from her cousin..." Andromeda wiped her tears, "Rose Lupin."

Rose snapped out her thoughts. "You've got this." Remus kissed the side of her head before she stood up and walked to the podium up front.

She couldn't look up, she couldn't look anyone straight in the face let alone have Tonks right behind her. That's what made this all so hard. How close Tonks was but she wasn't really there.

"Um..." Rose cleared her throat, "at first, I wasn't really sure if I should do this. There are no words that can truly describe my feelings. So I did the best I could..." her eyes started to water, "My cousin, Tonks, died as the warrior she is. Every day that I got to know her, she fought for the good. Some nights, I wish we had more time together..."

Rose tried to calm herself down. But as she heard Andromeda begin to cry, Rose closed her paper, "Some nights, I wish we had more time together. Even then, I know that death would've still come either way. Maybe this grief that we feel just shows how much we love her even if we didn't know it at the time...But I hope that one day, we remember the love she had spread to us instead of the grief we got. We claim that we know death and all the agony that it brings, but we don't. I surely don't. The truth is...I'm not sure when we're going to be ok. I don't know when I'll be ok...I'll keep going ahead in life but it never means that I'm recovered. For now, we have to celebrate that she lived. Tonks was a woman beyond wonder, and I'm not talking just about her pink hair but even with her own pain she was still there for everyone else. We won't forget about her and I'll be sure to carry on her legacy the best I can..."

~

Rose got out the shower and wrapped the towel around herself. Showers these days were the only time where she got to just breathe and relax.

But there was only two days for breathing room.

The next funeral would the absolute hardest thing she'd ever have to do. Still, she wasn't even sure if she'd be able to face everyone again. To show how vulnerable she had become from losing Fred.

"You don't want to go, huh?" Remus came in.

Rose got startled by his sudden appearance, "where's Obi?"

"Sleeping," he held up the monitor, "so? What are you going to do?"

"I-I don't know." She shrugged.

"I'm not stupid, Ro. I saw the way you two were...You love him."

"I really don't want to talk about this right now, Remus."

"That's fine, I didn't expect you to. But you can't not go to his funeral, Rose. That was your person, it was Rose and Fred. Cherish that. Like you said, you've got to celebrate the fact that he lived. He lived and you got to know him to the end. That should be your motive."

Remus had made it sound so much easier than it was. She's been through loss, she's had deaths in her life but this was different.

There would be a time where she would go on with life but never move on.

There was no moving on because it would mean to forget. That, she couldn't do. No matter how hard she had tried, his face still came to her mind.

Speaking at his funeral would make everything final. Everything she had feared would come to light but he was right, she'd hate herself to miss it. But to speak again? She didn't even know what to write to express his death.

Rose wasn't sure if there were any words to show people just how much she had actually missed him.